Interesting observations/learnings

[Aiko]

Story time. Wow how far you can come after experiencing what we have all been through and have learned.  Out with friends Friday night, one of my buddies brings one of his friends that is a girl, I've met her once before, typical siren qualities but nice enough, my friend has said a few times generally she's "out there" (boy does that have potential new meaning to me now). Anyway, at the bar and first five minutes in she says, "you look very handsome tonight". Again normally not a red flag, but my antennae are up.  After an hour or so nothing out of normal, but I notice she is texting a lot, and detached from the group.  Some point in conversation I said, 'what's going on', as in general.  She says, promise not to tell, I say sure.  She says I'm fighting with a guy I met a couple weeks ago, he ghosted me, I texted him 20x last night and he hasn't responded.  And at this point I thought to myself, this should be good, I think I know exactly what we are dealing with! So I decided to play along to get the rest of the story!  Net net, he 15 years older, met her out, he initiated and fell into the trap, she loved bombed, told me stories she told him showed me some of the pictures she was sending him, on and on, the whole deal!  Soo, she asked what she should do, I said not my business, but I bet he will contact you again!  (Just like we all did back then).  So we leave I wasn't drinking so they get into my car, on way to car, she says to my buddy - can I ride in front seat? She gets in front and says, can I hold your hand? (I said no, what the heck).  Night continues nothing weird, and then right on cue he texts her back, she shows us, "I miss you, couldn't stay mad, etc... .". (We all been there right!).  To which she doesn't respond but then goes on with us for 5 minutes, 'who does he think he is, he will pay for this, no one is with me for two weeks and dumps me without me getting anything out of it, blackmail isn't beyond me, etc".     All I can think is this guy has NO idea what he is wading into!
I tune out from here on... .as I think back, this was me two years ago, maybe it was most of us. I have no idea if she is BPD, but she is something, and there was plenty there to observe and keep learning from.  And they all work from the same playbook .  Also, had I not been thru what I went through w my ex,  I wonder how I might've played this night out differently.

Switching stories, later that night I saw a woman i was seeing for about a month, about a month ago, she was cool, fun times. I broke it off with her as I just wasn't ready for a relationship and didn't want it to progress further. One night I picked up on a vibe and saw a look in her eyes, healthy good attractive look that she was getting attached, and it scared me a little, or a lot.  So we had an honest convo the next day and decided to call it quits, I had healing work to do, she was a little upset but fully understood.  So I ran into her that night as I was saying, couple minute hello, hug, smiles, how u been, completely platonic, wished each other well. 
Point is-----WHAT A CONTRAST!

[pearlsw]

Wow, Aiko,

Your story is gonna give me nightmares and I don't even go out on the town anymore in my current version of life!

May I ask, what have you learned? How do the incidents of this night help you be ready for the future?

take care, pearl.

[Aiko]

Generally I have learned getting back out has helped me, courage and confidence.  Seeing whatever that woman is dealing with from my perspective with new knowledge was incredibly helpful. It's like a new bs detector kit I didn't possess in the past.  The old me would've first said wow she thinks I'm handsome, wow she wants to sit in front seat and while weird wants to hold my hand, man this hot chick is digging me. In fact my ex did the near exact thing the first day or two I knew her and she was in my car except she was trying to get on my lap as I was driving, and we know where that rs ended up and why I'm here. So that's a learning.  I learned I can view things more objectively, and that will continue to be helpful, and lastly, that there can be 'normal' rs out there which can include normal endings w/o threats of violence, extortion and to wreck my life. So that's good, there's hope

[gotbushels]

Aiko   

I learned I can view things more objectively, and that will continue to be helpful, and lastly, that there can be 'normal' rs out there which can include normal endings w/o threats of violence, extortion and to wreck my life.

Yes, fab. Thank you for sharing Aiko.

So that's good, there's hope

Yes! I wish you peace and hope you'll share more interesting observations in future. 

[RandallUk30]

It’s funny you say about your radar going up on the compliment thing because I’m the same. I’m really really dubious when a woman makes the first move and then compliments me. I guess it’s fine for that to happen but we just got keep our witts about us, listen and pay attention for those red flags.