Re: Welcome to our family

[FC88]

Hi, this is my first post. My 23 yr old daughter has been diagnosed w/ BPD. I found this site by reading the  "Stop Walking on Eggshells" book. My daughter is engaged and living with a sweet boy and I'm worried that her constant verbal abuse is destroying his self-esteem he texts and calls me to help him and we both try to "handle" the latest drama but it's getting to all of us. She was seeing a therapist and then gave up on it. I was wondering how we can get her back into therapy? She tells us it's our problem we should work on ourselves etc. I'm sure you all know the drill. My husband and I support her and he has control of the money and would prefer to throw money at the problem rather than actually fix anything.
 Even though she doesn't have a job and is in beauty school at the present time (3rd try) she has decided it's time to have a baby. The thought is so frightening to all of us. Can anyone tell me the best way to approach her? Should we threaten to cut her off if she gets pregnant? Is it Ok to say we won't support you anymore unless you get help? When she gets abusive is it OK to ask her to leave? She drives so recklessly I'm afraid to make her mad when she's leaving. How do we get her to get help for herself? Aside from finding a therapist for myself I honestly don't know what to do.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello FC88

 

Welcome to the community   I'm glad you've found us, parents here understand, some in similar situations to you, you are not alone  

That's a difficult situation you're in they are adults financially dependent on you and your husband, your daughter talks of planning for a family you'll support?

Can you for a moment step back from the drama, imagine you're not there fixing, how do think they'd manage you handing back them their responsibility, how do feel about that? Many of us join where you are, lesson 2 to your right is a good place to start, if our current approach is not working, change it.

Small, gentle steps of change for us here and lots of learning worked for me.

We are here, walking with you.

WDx

[Mutt]

Hi FC88,

 

Id like to join wendydarling and welcome you to bpdfamily. I’m sorry that you’re going through a difficult time. I can understand how worrisome it would feel when your child is flirting with ideas that they’re not ready for.

Many of us join where you are, lesson 2 to your right is a good place to start, if our current approach is not working, change it.

I agree with wendydarling and your D23, nothing changed without change. We often focus on the other person, they need to change we can’t control others we can control ourselves. I’m glad that you decided to join us, there are many people here that can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. It helps to talk.