Intro - I have lost myself in caring for my child and am now so sick

[Destroyed1967]

I have a daughter who has always had an underlying anger disorder. She has also always had social difficulties and has never really had sustained friends. She is too volatile. Add an abusive father (emotional, verbal, and physical) and abandonment issues with me for leaving her with him on his days/weekends per our divorce decree, and you have the perfect garden for BPD. I have lost myself in caring for this child. I am now so sick I really have no desire to live. I keep living because I’m stubborn and have a tiny flicker of hope that things can get better. I have spent years now getting her hospitalized, into new programs, etc. I’m exhausted emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[dene]

Des  troyed , I hear ya , there are so many good tools here , and even more seasoned parents who seem to have been through the ringer just like you an I an they are so willing to listen, support and offer help . I found this group by accident and I am so thank-ful I am here . Keep sharing , reading tools, asking advice .
I am sorry I have no advice to offer as I myself am a newbie an learning everyda
y from these wonderful people.

[Huat]

Hello Destroyed1967.  I join Dene in welcoming you here.

Dene is a relatively newcomer... .a "Newbie"... .and it is nice to read that she is already finding comfort and support from our community.  I've been on the "airwaves" for about 2 years now and I know I wouldn't be the person I am today if I had not stumbled across this support group.

It saddens me to think back to the time when I, too, questioned whether my life was worth living because of all the hurt caused by our daughter... .me (her Mom) always her target.  I cried buckets, even waking in the middle of the night to cry.  Well... .no more.  That was not an immediate change, mind you, but every little step I took towards gaining back my self-esteem gave me a feeling of empowerment and a push to continue on.

Time for you, Destroyed1967, to start taking those steps.  Life IS worth living and our happiness is not to depend on others... .especially these daughters of ours.

So... .lots of info  here to munch on and put into practice.  Also, one can't help but feel the support offered by others here who nod when they read your story.  In turn, you will find yourself offering support to others.  Feels darn good!

Hoping to hear more from you.

Huat

[Merlot]

Hi Destroyed1967

Im so very sorry to hear how painful this is for you. You are not alone and you will find much solace here as Huat mentions as many parents will have shared you path of grief.

There is a wonderful thread on the board called Detaching with Love, its all about stepping away from the drama to rebalance and focus on you so that you can feel more empowered in this most difficult of life's journey.

Do you have support through close friends or a therapist?

Stay here with us and keep sharing as we all walk alongside you.

Merlot

[wendydarling]

Hi Destroyed1967

 

And a warm welcome from me too  I'm glad you've found us, as others say we parents understand, can help you through - you are not alone   

Here is the
What does it Mean to Detach with Lovethread Merlot refers to.

How old is your daughter, does she live with you?

How's your day going today?

WDx