Desperate not to lose my relationship with my grandchildren, what do I do?

[Parents! Get help here!]

I am struggling with my BD, she is not letting me have contact with my grandchildren. Some days I just want to do, or say whatever she wants, so I can see the g-children. I feel desperate not to lose my relationship with them.

She I give her whatever she wants?
Money
Relocate
Stop helping her sister (jealousy)

[Suzin]

I am struggling with my BD, she is not letting me have contact with my grandchildren. Some days I just want to do, or say whatever she wants, so I can see the g-children. I feel desperate not to lose my relationship with them.

She I give her whatever she wants?
Money
Relocate
Stop helping her sister (jealousy)

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi Suzin,

I'm sorry that you're going through this I can read your pain in your post .

She I give her whatever she wants?
Money
Relocate
Stop helping her sister (jealousy)

What if she does this again because she wants money etc... .? I would suggest no. How long has it been since you've seen the grand kids? How old are they?

[wendydarling]

Hi Suzin

I'm sorry for your pain, I'm also glad you are working through, it really helped me to set out as you do.   What works for us, for our children, sometimes we have to make what feel difficult decisions, that work. We stand back, take our time, we centre ourselves, breath.

We let them go, learn, find their way.

What does letting your daughter go look like for you? Let her go, your grandchildren. Lesson 2 change of approach, does that speak to you?

WDx

[Yat4]

I am a living testament to the failure of that approach. Five years, tons of debt and severe depression episodes later and nothing has changed. You cannot lose yourself from the guilt trip of the grandchildren. Nothing that YOU do is going to make your daughter better, she has to do that herself. Unfortunately, there are a lot of us in this same position and innocent children are caught up in it.

It took a lot of emotional abuse for me to be able to set up boundaries and not take anymore from my daughter. I always thought that I was doing it for the children. What may have actually happened was that I validated her behavior and made it acceptable. This is ultimately not going to be good for the children. How are they supposed to learn what is acceptable behavior if their own grandmother doesn't stand up for herself? Be an example for them if you can't be anything else. I know how much it hurts!

[Suzin]

Feeling better today. Its like I am on a roller coaster. Some days are good, some are bad. I have not contacted my daughter, trying to wait it out to see if she will call me.  Thank you for all the advise.  It helps to connect with other people that are dealing with the same problems. 

[wendydarling]

Hi Suzin

I'm so pleased you had a better day   It is a rollercoaster of emotions, up days and down days as you say, right now. Connecting with other here for support helps.

Yat4, thanks for your share, joining us here in Suzin's thread, it really means so much.

They'll be lots of heads nodding here with you, take your time, take a step back to breath - put on your oxygen mask first.

Have you heard from your DD?

WDx

[Suzin]

No I have not heard from my daughter. I decided not to focus on her for Mother's day. Not to let her hurt me, as she did not contact me.  Still hopeful that I can one day see my grand children.