Detachment: What Was Your "Light Bulb" Moment?

[Pina colada]

":)etachment is releasing or detaching from a person or problem in love.  We mentally, emotionally and physically disengage ourselves from unhealthy and painful entanglements." This is a partial quote from Melodie Beattie's book CoDependent No More.  My awesome therapist and great reading, plus this board has helped me be positive even though my sister still chooses to hold on to unhealthy behaviors toward me and others.  When the light bulb went off, I felt a giant weight lift off my shoulder.  This has helped me through so much with her!  I am in a very good and healthy place!  My life is good!  I am embarking on a new adventure, I am going to get certified as a Yoga Instructor!  I love yoga and it will enhance my job and personal life!  I am just sharing and wonder what others do or what your "light bulb" moments were!

[Panda39]

You go Girl!  Love the Yoga Instructor idea 

But to answer your question, there have been several  for me. I'm on these boards because my SO has an uBPDxw.

The first was Googling "Chronic Lying" and discovering BPD. The shoe fit like Cinderella and her glass slipper!
The second was finding this site with all the great tools and people with similar experiences here.
The third was recognizing and dealing with my own anger and anxiety.

The final thing was radical acceptance.  My SO's ex was gonna do and say what she was gonna do and say.

I knew my SO and I had both finally arrived at a place where she couldn't push our buttons anymore, when she took both girls out East to deliver her oldest daughter to college.  She took the younger daughter too, it was during dad's time and she was to be back in time to be back at school the following Monday. 

Sunday afternoon we receive a call from mom that they missed their flight home due to traffic.  Still cracks me up to this day... .did you know that Burlington Vermont has bumper to bumper gridlock traffic on Sunday? Who knew?   Anyway, the old me would have been furious. She was cutting in on my SO's time with his daughter, daughter was going to miss school, the old me might have even wondered if she was trying to kidnap their daughter.  Instead my SO just told her to email him her new itinerary and we went back to eating our lunch.  We learned to not feed the drama, to get off the triangle, and let her deal with her own stuff.  That yes, they might be home later than planned but there was nothing we could do about it and getting angry wasn't going to improve anything.

I do want to add that since being on this site I have had some personal aha moments about myself that don't relate to my SO or his ex, just some good realizations about some of my own behaviors, patterns and insights into myself.

Great Question Pina colada it's gonna be interesting to hear other people's responses.

Panda39

[Harri]

hi.  I think I have had multiple points of detachment, certainly with my mother.  My first big point of detachment was many years ago when my counselor told me that it was better to try to detach while my mother was still alive as it becomes much more difficult after a parent dies.  The was the beginning and then she told me she thought my mother had BPD behaviors.  I never told her a lot of stuff that was going on that makes my current T think she had schizophrenia with paranoid tendencies.  Those two things occurred very close together and were combined with going through a very tough time with my mother raging and her constantly invading my privacy.  I remember sitting on my bed thinking this will never change.  So I changed things up and I moved out. 

There have been many other points and still more to come I am sure. 

It is great to hear you are doing so well PC!

Panda, this

did you know that Burlington Vermont has bumper to bumper gridlock traffic on Sunday? Who knew?

made me laugh too. 

[Pina colada]

I loved reading your stories Panda and Harri!  I feel the path, whatever way we can get there always leads to radical acceptance!  I really took to heart how toxic behavior attracts toxic behavior and how important it is to heal on the inside.  I never realized how past abuse by trusted family members shaped my behavior today, so many years later.  One thing for sure is it is never to late to change!

[Woolspinner2000]

Awesome post Pina colada!  Sounds like you are doing so well!

I remember a couple big points for me. One is that I realized my uBPDm wouldn't ever be happy on this earth, and only when she died did I believe she'd be at peace. That helped me to let go of the constant attempt to please her.

The second was when I prayed and determined that I would not repeat the same patterns and behaviors my mom did. I said essentially "the buck stops here and I will not carry on this legacy of pain to the next generation."

Big moments for me.

Wools