Harri! Thanks again for such an amazing response I very much appreciate it!
Okay, so you can manage your time with your mother by checking your own emotions. That is very good. It is important that you take care of yourself and can recognize when you may need to step back. Distance certainly helps with that though it is still difficult to take care of you rather than your mom!
Are you close with your half siblings- are they from your moms half? It is also excellent that you have sought therapy... .except for the forced therapy as a kid.
Turkish, a board advisor here, was forced into therapy by his mother. I think there might be a couple others who are currently posting as well. Are you familiar with
Projection? It is possible that is what was going on when she forced you into therapy.
When I am in BC and only speaking with her on the phone I am capable for the most part. All she does is go backwards and she is always talking about the same thing. I am able to just agree to keep the conversation moving. She never asks anything about whats going on with me. Unless I've caught her on a "good day", the conversation is usually one we've had before, and if you say anything even gently about it she gets upset. Also I have to answer if she calls or I have "done something wrong/ I am avoiding her". If I don't call I start getting texts as if I have neglected her. She never picks up the phone to call me.(I hate that I just typed that) She'll just text and say I don't love her or things similar to that if I haven't called in about 2 weeks.
My sisters are from my moms side. We have different fathers. They are 7 and 10 years younger than me, and were not treated the way I was by my mother as often. I was definitely the scapegoat. It doesn't help that my biological father left her and wanted nothing to do with that. She connects me with him during arguments sometimes.
I think it is extremely possible my mother was projecting when she was taking me to therapists.
Did your mindfulness based cognitive therapy focus on managing anxiety or panic attacks at all? I ask because several of us here have talked about using mindfulness as a way to manage general anxiety. But it was new to me to hear people practice mindfulness to help them with a panic attack. I had never thought of that before. Have you done so? Some people can also use it when feeling triggered, such as by anger in the form of yelling. It can be helpful when trying to manage emotional flashbacks which many of us with c-PTSD have. Have you been diagnosed with an anxiety based disorder? Again, I am just trying to get a better picture so don't share unless you feel comfortable.
I am happy to share. I feel like the more sharing the less stigma. Yes that is exactly its basis.
The Mindful Way is the workbook our group worked with alongside 2 psychiatrists. It was extremely helpful, something you have to keep practicing like a good diet! It helps you be more aware of your emotions and feelings so you notice a panic attack coming on and can try to stop it or slow it. I mean I have definitely still had panic attacks, in situations that are extreme. Which I do think are triggers from my mothers behavior. But I have remembered to go to my mindful breathing exercises that I learned through that course and it has helped shorten the amount of time my panic attacks last. I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety, social anxiety and mild OCD. I also have very bad PMDD. Which does not help with any of that!
Do you think there is a connection between your panic attacks when being yelled at and your mothers behavior? Sorry, I had to ask as I don't want to run with an assumption... .
Yes, I definitely think that there is a connection.
Thanks again, even just talking like this is so good for me. I have no one else that understands that I feel like I can trust.
