I'm scared not to do everthing my daughter wants, don't know what to do

[BlueBlueCow]

I have a daughter with BPD and I am scared not to do everything she wants, and I am growing to resent it very much.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi BlueBlueCow

 

Welcome 

I'm glad you've reached out and joined us here for support, I can understand you growing to resent doing everything your daughter wants and scared of reactions - where to draw the line, set healthy boundaries.  How old is your daughter and what does your daughter expect from you that is causing you to feel resentment?

What kind of support do you have at home, friends, family? 

WDx

[Feeling Better]

Hello BlueBlueCow,

I would like to join wendydarling in welcoming you here.

I am so sorry to hear that you are too scared to not do everything your daughter wants, it’s really awful when we feel that way and then as you say, the resentment starts to build. I think we’ve all here felt like that at some point.

We can all help and support you here, and as wendydarling says, establishing healthy boundaries (to protect yourself) is something that you could maybe start working on. How do you feel about that? 

[Blueskyday]

I know those feeling too. Being emotionally held hostage takes its toll. I can't add much more than has already been said but wanted to say hi .

Have you tried anything to get healthy boundaries in place? If so what is happening

This is such a wonderful safe and kind place to be. It has helped me feel so much calmer.

[Overwhelmedabit]

I’m not sure what to tell you but I sure do empathize. It’s a terrible place to be in because resenting your child goes against the very foundation of motherhood - but at the same time, the abuse unleashed by said child destroys the self and the heart and spirit. Somehow abuse coming from a child is harder to deal with, I think. Any other partner or even family member, it would be easier just to go low or no contact.
I have my adult daughter in my home now and it has been terrifying in the past. For my part, I’m talking to her therapist today for myself to see how to best deal with the situation.
I wish I had answers for you but I’m afraid all I have to offer is a lot of sympathy and virtual hugs.

[KT’s Ma]

You will never be able to give your daughter everything she wants. And what you do give her won’t be good enough. There is no material thing that will ease her pain, magic pill for her or for you!
My daughter hates me no matter what I do. She blames me for everything that goes wrong in her life. I am the target of her anger. And then she loves me. And she’s sweet and loving.
It’s something so difficult to understand and harder to accept. But it’s real. And we get through it somehow.
As said before, set your boundaries. You have to be able to control something.
I’m new at this so I’m still struggling with acceptance. I wish you the best of luck. I’m here if you need to talk. X