She ruined my life.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Things keep spiraling downward for me with relationships.  I don't know how to cope with loss.  I never have been good at it.  I keep losing friends right and left it seems.  I know the world is in turmoil, but my friends give up on me so easily.  I really suck at communicating and I have a hard time opening up to anyone now.  I don't know how to make friends anymore because I figure they're just going to all abandoned me like she did. I don't want to be alone.  I strive for the love of people I give it out so freely with little in return, and I'm tired of it.  I really feel like all this started with her.  I feel like she ruined my life and how to interact with people.

[Shedd]

Things keep spiraling downward for me with relationships.  I don't know how to cope with loss.  I never have been good at it.  I keep losing friends right and left it seems.  I know the world is in turmoil, but my friends give up on me so easily.  I really suck at communicating and I have a hard time opening up to anyone now.  I don't know how to make friends anymore because I figure they're just going to all abandoned me like she did. I don't want to be alone.  I strive for the love of people I give it out so freely with little in return, and I'm tired of it.  I really feel like all this started with her.  I feel like she ruined my life and how to interact with people.

[Insom]

Oh, Shedd!  Hugs.    I hear you're feeling down on yourself.  Take heart though, you're doing a good job communicating here. 

Does communicating with people IRL feel harder for you than online?  What happened this week that led you to feeling abandoned?

[Turkish]

I strive for the love of people I give it out so freely with little in return, and I'm tired of it.

It sounds like this may be how you are and this BPD r/s may have triggered this realization,  yes?