Hello: Do things get easier? Do you learn to cope?

[Scaredycat16]

I have recently started a relationship with an old friend that I got back in tough with. In the time that we were estranged he became unwell and was diagnosed with BPD. I separated from my husband 7 months ago, have two children and my life is still settling down again after a massive change. I also have anxiety and depression myself. The biggest thing I'm struggling with at the moment is constantly being told I'm doing things wrong, and that if I cared enough about him I would cure my anxiety and depression for him so that I could focus on him. Obviously it's not that easy and I'm worried that I'm getting in too deep to a relationship that I won't be able to cope with. Do things ever get easier? Do ou ever learn to cope?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Scaredycat16,

Oh how I wish I could sit down with you over a cup of tea and get you to consider carefully... .

Have you seen these parts of the site yet?

This information: Being An Emotional Caregiver

Supporting Your BPD Partner

If you are dealing with your own anxiety and depression make that your focus, not him. Please. If you feel strong enough, then, give what you have to him. But please put yourself first. You matter. This is not how things should work - you "curing yourself" to "focus on him." No. Just no.

You may learn to cope, but at what price? Hard to say.  Things may or may not get easier. My hunch is they will get harder... .It can be done, your choice, but... .watch out about his attitude towards your health (totally unrealistic) and what his expectations of you are from the relationship. Why can't he take care of himself and wants you to do it?

with compassion, pearl.