Potential divorce with BPD spouse

[lanman31337]

Hi everyone.  Wife has BPD/BP, and it's been the craziest roller coaster ride in my life. When it's good it was really good, when it's bad it destroys me. Decided that she didn't want a relationship with me anymore, she can't do it. We have a son with autism and that into itself has been a struggle. She's cheated on me before and now wants to continue to see the OM. My brain aches.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi lanman31337,

Wow! I wish I could say this is the first time I've heard such things, but I feel like I've seen quite a few members lately who have a child with Autism and also these other issues going on in their household. I hope others will join in the discussion soon!

Thank you for joining us!

How long have you been married? Are you alone taking care of your son now or is she helping? Did she move out to be with the guy?

I strongly encourage you to post your own threads and post on others threads to help build this into a space of support for yourself!

with compassion, pearl.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi lanman31337 and let me join pearlsw in welcoming you.

Dealing with a a spouse with BPD traits, an affair, and a special needs child must be an incredible burden. Thank you for coming here to share your story.

Seconding pearls' suggestion of posting on other threads to gain context and community. There are many others here who have faced similar challenges with whom you can exchange stories and experience.

Coming back to the title of your thread, is it more your wife pushing for divorce or something you are considering? What BPD traits does she show?

~ROE

[lanman31337]

Sorry everyone, been busy. to answer the questions, it would be 5 years in September for marriage, together for 9 in December. She's helping, I'm not alone. She hasn't moved out to be with him; he lives in his parents house after his wife cheated... .

I'm pushing for the divorce. The mania, the infidelity, suicidal thoughts at times, irrational thinking are some of the traits she has.

[pearlsw]

Hi lanman31337,

You have indeed been through quite a lot here!

So you are firmly pushing for a divorce? What has her response been? Is there anything should could do to make you want to stay together or are you done with this completely?

take care, pearl. 

[lanman31337]

Hi lanman31337,

You have indeed been through quite a lot here!

So you are firmly pushing for a divorce? What has her response been? Is there anything should could do to make you want to stay together or are you done with this completely?

take care, pearl. 

I paid the lawyer, but I don't really want this.  I miss my wife. She said that her heart isn't in it anymore and it is a good decision. I don't think she'll give up the other man, and that's the majority of the reason I'm done.

[desperate.wife]

I can relate to feeling wanting to go, but wanting to stay. The emotinal dramas one thing, but infidelity... .At some point there's no point anymore.
desperate.wife