Have 3 1/2 month old baby with BPD man

[Hopeformiracles]

I am so stressed right now. I have done everything to show that I am giving him time with his son. Every time I do something nice like give him more time, instead of being grateful, he demands something else. If I give him paperwork that he requests, he says that I need to go find another piece of paperwork.

 I did not speak to him when I was pregnant because he got physical with me before I found out I was pregnant and I left him. He is not paying child support, yet has money to hire an attorney to keep taking me to court. I filed a restraining order against him and I lost because he lied and cried in court that he would get kicked out of the country and he has another child here. She gave him a second chance even though he is not allowed to have my address or call or text me but has to meet me in a public place to exchange my son.

I communicate with him on Talking Parents and he just comes up with all sorts of crazy scenarios like changing the color of my sons diapers to make it look like he's sick and that my "breast milk is poisoning him." he tries to switch my pediatrician, if I do not do what he says my baby comes back really upset.

He continuously uses language like "I have my sons best interest" while he is doing nothing financially. The baby is on my insurance and I'm fully paying for him.

I don't know what to do.

He does not keep his word when it comes to anything.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Hopeformiracles, 

Welcome to our online family! I'm so glad that you shared your first post and great concerns with us.  I'm not skilled in the legal matters, but wanted to extend a welcome, and I think that the other members will post a response to the specifics you are looking for.

Is there a chance that the father of your child will leave the country, or does he want to say here? You mentioned he has another child. Is he married?
Would it be helpful to you to have him pay child support or is there a reason why you do not pursue it? Dealing with someone who has BPD is beyond tough. Keep holding on to your rights and become as informed of them as you are able to. Are there places where you can turn for local support?

Wools

[Mutt]

Hi Hopeformiracles,



I’m sorry for the circumstances that led you here to the site. I’d like to join Woolspinner2000 and welcome you to bpdfamily. You have a newborn son how long does he spend time with him? How does that work when you have an RO?

Would it be helpful to you to have him pay child support or is there a reason why you do not pursue it?

I wholeheartedly agree with Woolspinner2000 is he hiring a divorce attorney? Id suggest pursuing him for child support.

[ForeverDad]

I believe family courts have a policy that failure to pay child support is a separate matter from the parenting schedule.  However, failure to pay Child Support is a serious matter, well, eventually.  Most states have some sort of Child Support enforcement Agencies (CSEA).

Since he is getting parenting time, seeking child support is a real option to pursue.  Usually temp orders define a parenting schedule as well as support.  Does the father work?

As for breastfeeding, he can't stop you from nursing your baby.  Your parenting time is yours and you have every right to nurse your baby.  Clearly he is trying to wear you down with every sort of criticism he can make, don't let him discourage you.  However, it's quite possible he can refuse to use your expressed milk when the baby is with him.  I just don't know.

Was Talking Parents email method ordered by the court?  Even if not, using that can be documentation for any professionals what his contact is like.  Avoid any other communication method that can't be documented as as that method.  Well, except for "emergencies".

Beware of signing or agreeing to anything without first consulting your lawyer or someone you trust to identify traps and pitfalls.  Fortunately, we here in Peer Support are pretty good at sniffing out traps, pitfalls and all sorts of potential blunders we Nice Guys and Nice Gals could mistakenly fall into and be victimized.  We've "been there, done that".  Please take advantage of our hard-won collective wisdom.  We're not lawyers and may not be familiar with how things are done in your local area, but we've survived enough battles to know what usually works and what usually doesn't work.

Don't trust any claims he makes, not without independent verification.  For example, have you ever seen the other child he claims to have fathered?  Yes, you can't trust even such basic matters without some amount of verification.

Very important, resist any attempts he may make to gain additional time with your child.  In my area I paid child support to my ex even though for many years we had an equal time parenting schedule.  I earned more than her and so I automatically paid her child support.  That ended when I got majority time.  (Court declined to order her to pay child support at that time since it claimed it didn't have the needed income and other data.  Since getting a little CS would have required returns to court, I never pressed the issue.)  My point is that if he ever gets as much as equal time and you earn more than him then you risk paying him child support.  So don't give up your majority time thinking he will be nicer and behave better.  He won't and you'd probably be paying him CS.