He's fighting counseling

[Frankee]

I have a problem.  My bph really doesn't want counseling.  He's going though.  Run into a snag.  The therapist he is being transferred to has been out of the office.  When he calls, she's not there.  She hasn't gotten back with him either.  Been a couple weeks.  He called to try to make an appointment for Monday.  Surprise, she's gone.  He got upset saying he feels he is being written off and that the whole counseling thing was a bad idea but nobody listens to him.

I talked to the counselor that transferred him and she explained everything.  Had some legal reasons behind it.  It kind of made sense and I thought if she talked to him and told him what she told me, he would feel better... Wrong.  He calls me and asks about her saying something about legal stuff.  I asked what did she say.  He said nothing, never mind.  So now he's upset about the stuff she said.

How do I validate his feelings, but at the same time, also acknowledge that they have their reasons?  I don't want him to give up counseling, but they really aren't making this easy.

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[pearlsw]

Hi Frankee,

I would probably say that I would feel bad too if I was working with a counselor and they were suddenly gone (whatever the reasons). Anyone could feel this way. I would say it is okay to feel bad, or sad, but it is important to keep moving forward and maybe the next one will be a better fit. I would try to get him excited about the chance to find another person to work with.

I think the feelings he is expressing are valid, certainly, it is just hard for us because they can be so extreme. Remember, we don't want to correct or tell them not to feel what they feel - I've made that mistake a lot!

wishing you the best, pearl.