Congrats, araneina! It sounds like you're doing great and I can relate very much to how great it feels to find a healthy relationship after leaving a disordered one.
Would you like to share more about the process that got you from A to B? What are some of the issues you worked through with your therapist?
Thank you.
When I met my therapist I was a mess. I had absorbed a lot of my ex's qualities - feelings of emptiness, depression, drinking too much, I even thought about suicide for a brief while. Initially we just talked about my last relationship - why I stayed as long as I did, the mistakes I made in the relationship, etc. Then we began going through my previous relationships and talked about things that I liked and disliked about them, and examined my missteps in those relationships.
Over time we realized that I have difficulty asserting myself in a relationship. Rather than say "No I don't like this," and developing boundaries with a partner, I would bend over backwards to please my partner so they wouldn't leave me. I also have a bad habit of bottling things up rather than talking through my problems with my partner.
I was terrified to start dating again but my therapist urged me to try. I met my bf in early February. I spent a lot of my therapy sessions talking about my relationship with my him, and getting her insight on how to handle things. I am, as a result, MUCH more open with my bf about things. He encourages me to talk to him about problems I might be having. He knows I'm in therapy and supports me 100%. I do think I really lucked out with him - he wants nothing more than to make me happy, but he's also very comfortable telling me when I'm crossing any boundaries with him.
EDIT: I forgot to add a very important realization my therapist and I had. Based off of my last 4 relationships, she surmised that I thrive off of drama in a relationship. My current relationship is VERY even-keel and normal, and for a while I started developing imaginary problems in, what she suggested, was an attempt to create drama where there wasn't any. Oops. I now am much more cognizant of that and thankful that my relationship is more or less drama free, as it should be.
Aside from therapy I started working out and making new friends. My new city has a lot more opportunities for outdoor activities as well as cultural ones, so I stayed very busy during my healing process. The worst thing I could do was sit at home because then I just tended to dwell on things and I'd end up crying.
I visited my folks this weekend for the first time in about a year, and my mom said I was the happiest she'd seen me in a long time. One of my old friends said I was "glowing." I'm in a much better place now.
