Trying to survive

[Sue3220]

Hi thanks for being here
My BPD daughter adult  is so draining
She is making progress and I wish I could be greatful but it is so hard to
Accept this mess
Thanks fir listening

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello Sue3220, welcome

I’m so sorry for what brings you here, you have come to the right place to learn and to get lots of support from other parents who understand what you are going through.

You say that your daughter is making progress and that you wish you could be grateful but that it is hard to accept this mess. I understand how hard it is to accept the disorder and the emotional damage that it causes, are you saying it is that which is preventing you from feeling grateful for your daughter’s progress? Does her making progress mean that she is currently receiving therapy?

[pjmanley41]

Sue:  My daughter is 32 and still thinks everyone else is the problem and won't seek help.  I'm raising her 7 year old daughter since she was 5 months old.  Some days its hard to find anything to be grateful for.  Today, I'm grateful I found this forum and no longer feel alone. 

[Sue3220]

Dear pjmanley
I appreciate your response and am thankful for the forum
I will pray for you as you care for your granddaughter
Many thanks Sue

[Sue3220]

Dear Feeling better
Thank you for your response
I hope you can see my response
My daughter did intensive dbt which was very helpful for her and of course us.
Many thanks  fir your support
Sue

[wendydarling]

Hi Sue3220

I join Feeling Better and pjmanley41 welcoming you here.

I'm glad to hear DBT helped your daughter, it helped my 29 yr daughter too. How old is your daughter?  When you say you are drained and its such a mess, can you share what's happening, what you are dealing with?

WDx  

[Sue3220]

Thanks Wdx for the welcome
My daughter has had a job  and lives in another state
she needs a lot of financial support and emotional support with frequent calls  to vent ask for reassurance ask for my opinion
Which of then  ends in her being irritated that I don’t  say “right thing “and my frustration that she is dragging me into details of her day she should be handling herself
Thanks for listening

[darbs7]

I feel your pain, our 29 year old daughter and two young children live with us (and our house is not big enough for us all).  It is overwhelming.  She is losing job after job and has no means to support herself.  She will not get child support or social services (it is overwhelming for her to fill out the paperwork... .and she is quite bright... .but gets anxious and overwhelmed).  My husband and I have the financial means to take care of all of us, that is not the issue.  The issue is the lack of appreciation for all we do.  Her current state of mind is pretty calm (for about 2 weeks now), but she becomes very clingy during that state and literally follows us (and the children too) around the house.  I am a teacher so I have the summers off and I kind of just want to be working.  She even sits and listens to my phone calls.  My husband and I have been leaving the house 2 or 3 days a week to keep sane.

[wendydarling]

Hi sue3220

That does sound draining  asking for your opinion and then irritated you don't say the right thing, sigh and  

There are an abundance of communication tools here, many you may be familiar with. I especially like
The Power of Asking Validating Questions as it helps someone discover the solutions to their own problems. It sounds right up your street   Do you think that may help? Experimenting with the tools has been really helpful for me, to find the ones that work best with my daughter listening with empathy and validation come top.  

Many parents here (me included) support their children financially in some way and some of us looking how to step back, help them manage their own affairs at some point, be that living off social security if unable to work. It's hard! Here is a conversation bluek9 started to help us share our learning, please feel free to vent your frustration  

Looking to hear how others feel about and deal with finances

WDx