Going no contact with mother, what to say to the children

[looking4light113]

My mother has burned my husband so bad he is ready to not speak with her ever again. Because of the way she has treated him I want to take a break from her. At this point I can’t even imagine seeing her for the holidays. My husband has never had beef with anyone. I am wondering what to tell the kids. I don’t want to paint her in a bad light to my kids. They were used to seeing her every week until my mom started being verbally abusive to my husband. Has anyone had a similar situation?

[zachira]

Can you tell us a little more about the relationship your children have with their grandmother. How old are they and how attached are they to her? Do you think they will miss her? Children are a lot more perceptive than we adults realize. The most important thing is you do tell the children that the disappearance of their grandmother from their lives does not have anything to do with the children, as they might think they are at fault. So you will have to tell them something, and I will leave that to others to post who have actually been in a situation similar to yours.

[Learning2Thrive]

  looking4light113,

 zachira has asked some important questions as it greatly affects how you may want to handle this.

This:

The most important thing is you do tell the children that the disappearance of their grandmother from their lives does not have anything to do with the children, as they might think they are at fault.

Yes, you want to make sure that above all else they know they are not at fault in any way.

In general, I would say be as honest as you can (in an age appropriate way) without sharing explicit details. Remember, you are setting an example that your children will likely remember for the rest of their/your lives. It’s good for them to know they are loved and that your immediate family (you, your husband and children) are the focus of your care and concern. (Grandma is an adult and responsible for the consequences of her choices and actions.)

Thinking of you and sending positive energy and love your way. You are worthy of love, goodness, peace and joy in your life.

  L2T

[Turkish]

I also curious on the circumstances of this blow up. After days or weeks,  strong feelings can subside. Sometimes a temporary break is healthy.

After two years gone, my kids, especially S8 more than D6, still ask about Grandma Turkish. I took them to visit her 7 weeks ago, the first time they had seen her since 2016. They took it on stride being their age.  Grandma was living with us one day,  then she was not.  How old are your kids?