My wife of 13 years recently diagnosed BPD

[ShenValleyLewis]

As the subject says... .and we have 3 kids, all girls.  I've known for most of our life together there was something wrong with my wife, only recently received a diagnosis of BPD.  I feel like I've been raising the kids by myself.  My wife likes to buy the kids presents and take them out shopping / to movies / on vacation etc.  But she is hardly involved in their lives.  Won't read them stories, watch TV with them, play games with them - I do all those things.  I also attend all the parent-teacher conferences, take them to their doctor/dentist visits, etc.  Feel so isolated and hopeless, I need to find other people who are in a similar situation, and learn how you cope.  I am a Christian so, if you have religious beliefs that help you cope with your situation, I'd be interested to hear about that.  But if you don't, I'm still interested in learning what you have to share.  Thank you!

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[ShenValleyLewis]

I should explain that the diagnosis was given to me by the counselor who has been working with my two older children for various issues.  I told him about the problems my wife has been creating.  He's met my wife two or three times, to give his diagnosis on the kids' issues and inform her about their progress.  However, she didn't suspect that he was also observing her behavior and evaluating her.  Later he privately gave me the diagnosis of BPD.  I have not told her about this.  I did try to persuade her to go to counseling, but she was very resistant. 

I spoke to a psychologist and explained my situation.  She said that she would like to meet with me and my wife in the context of marriage counseling, she felt it more likely to be effective.  With difficulty I persuaded my wife to attend the sessions; after just two sessions however, we had to stop for financial reasons.  I am hoping to resume sessions next summer when some debts are paid off.

[ShenValleyLewis]

I also want to add, I am well aware that my wife's behavior issues are minor compared to what many of you have to endure.  There's never been infidelity (on her part or mine), she doesn't get violent, she's never said she wants a divorce.  I know many of you deal with this kind of thing, and I can't begin to imagine how much it hurts or how you cope with it.

All that said, the stresses and challenges I deal with are real and they are overwhelming to me at times.  In my first post I focused on her lack of involvement with the kids - that is not her only issue, it just happens to be the one that's causing me the most frustration right now.

If you are tempted to comment "I'd be happy to trade places with you" or something of that sort... .please don't.