So we're "friends" now.

[singularity]

I'm sorry to start another thread, I felt that the previous post has a title that doesn't really reflect the situation.  It is here if anyone wants to check.  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=327452.0

A short recap.  Things were great, she called and said she doesn't feel romantic to me anymore, I got hurt, gave her things back - including all the cards, paintings, drawings and everything else (I sincerely regret doing that), said I couldn't be her friend.  Sent her an email on Wednesday saying I missed my friend, and I missed the boys.  We're taking the kids to the spray park on Sunday.

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Today I had to go to the bulk store near her place and wanted to look for some clothes.  Sent her an email saying that I was going for a bit of shopping for some things at the bulk store, that she was welcome to join if she wanted else I would see her on Sunday.  She texted me when I was on the way saying she had house stuff to do, but she had some of what I wanted and I could get it from her instead.

While shopping she asked if I could pick it up on my way home.

I went there and she met me at the door of the building with the stuff, and a couple of my bags, my drill and some other things.  I asked if I could have the bag of all the things she gave me, and she said I could have some of it... we went into her place, and she gave me an album that I had been making of some of the things she gave me.  She said she didn't have any of the other things anymore.  She said sorry, I said that it was my fault, she said that breakups are hard.

She didn't seem to be taking it too hard.

She had been cleaning, doing some shopping for some new toys for the boys.  She seems happy, like she's having a mild manic episode.  We talked about the boys, she showed me her phone and I helped her set it up.  We chatted about mundane things.  She wants to get a cat, and she seems very excited about the future.  Talked about selling her place and moving into a bigger house. 

We chatted for about an hour, everything about kids, cats, phones, computers, shopping, toys.  I did make her smile a lot, or perhaps she is just happy at the moment.  After a while, she made the motions to walk me out.  I got the bag of stuff, said thanks and walked out.  She just said bye from inside the house.  I was halfway down the corridor when she came out and said that she thought I had lost some weight.  I said, thanks... that there's still more to go.  I think she sensed that I was still hurting.

So I'm here.  Still unsure of what to do next?  Be a friend?  She seems happy and a small part of me wants to just move on.  It was hard to look at her so happy while I am dying inside.  The logical part of me says she is bad news for me, but I know in there somewhere is a wonderful person I fell in love with.  Perhaps that person isn't there anymore. 

I am not sure what is going on with her at the moment.  Is she in a manic mode?  Do I wait to see if she comes down to earth?  Will she look at me the same way?  Will I hurt her if I move on (I don't really want to). 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[singularity]

PS:  I don't think she knows that I am learning and understanding what she is dealing with.  But I do want to sit down with her, alone and talk it out with her, tell her I am here for the long haul, tell her that we have always communicated well together.

I just am not sure I can do this while she is slightly manic like this.

Will my divulging that I am reading about it hurt her?  I feel she may distrust me when she asked me not to read up on it.

[singularity]

waverider

I wanted to send this email to her, and am wondering how it might be received.  What do you think?

It was so good to see you and talk to you today.  I have missed our chats.  Thank you for all the things, I am going to try to make some keto pizza - I have been craving some, and this will really satiate some cravings.

I know when we meet or talk you say sorry, but I feel (and believe, and know) that it was me.  In the interest of starting fresh, with a clean slate and no ulterior feeling or motives, may I ask a favour?

Can you give me a little time to talk, just us and clear the air?  We have always communicated well, and like it or not, you have really supplanted everyone else and become my one friend who sees the real me.  I value you as a person and think that his will really help us to meet on the same level without any words that have not been said.

As I have said many times, I will ALWAYS be there for you and support you, and I think you deserve to have a true and honest friend in me.

Your team member,

S

We call ourselves "Team ----" taking the first two letters of her name and the last two of mine.

[singularity]

And what I want to discuss with her is that I've been reading up on her condition, that k know what to expect and I'm ready to support her. 

Alternatively I can ask her to help me understand, to tall her that I want to know and that no amount of complication will drive me away.  Perhaps ask her to give me some "recommended reading".

She just texted me asking how it felt more see her.  I said that it was fantastic.