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BPDFamily.com
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Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
The crazy train never runs out of steam
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Topic: The crazy train never runs out of steam (Read 457 times)
Cromwell
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The crazy train never runs out of steam
«
on:
July 28, 2018, 04:43:28 PM »
Hi, id like to repeat on the point JuJu2 made; the word "hook"
She wont "let" you go because part of that hook is strong embedded, you still communicate regardless even if you are turning a blind-eye to the lies - blatant lies. Got to the stage they are undeniable. Ive been there.
The crazy train never runs out of steam, as long as you are willing to go along with it, your post is written as if there is very little power on your part, if you have no obligations - marriage, kids, etc, you have the ability to be decisive and say youve had enough of it all - regardless of the words she uses to keep the hook in. It seems to me that you notice that the behaviour doesnt match the words.
to answer the question; "why does she keep cheating but refuse to let me go"?
for my experience the simple reason is; "because she could". I stuck around, made excuses for her, it got far worse than just cheating in the long run, those were just the first boundary pushes.
Eventually I went no-contact and today she is no longer part of my life, I hear nothing of her antics and it took some time to get over the relationship - there was a lot of confusion to wade through, ultimately it had to come to the point where seriously enough was enough and I wasnt going to put up with it anymore - 'disorder' or not. 'love hook' or not.
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DogMan75
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Re: The crazy train never runs out of steam
«
Reply #1 on:
July 31, 2018, 07:18:25 AM »
Hey, I tried sending this privately but apparently you’re not accepting private messages right now -I hope you don’t mind me saying this publicly.
I’ve been meaning to thank you for your input over the last couple of months. I’d been having a tough time and while everyone’s input has been really helpful, I’ve found yours to be particularly insightful.
Your support specifically helped me a lot, and I just wanted you to know that.
Thank you.
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Cromwell
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Re: The crazy train never runs out of steam
«
Reply #2 on:
July 31, 2018, 04:18:07 PM »
Quote from: DogMan75 on July 31, 2018, 07:18:25 AM
Hey, I tried sending this privately but apparently you’re not accepting private messages right now -I hope you don’t mind me saying this publicly.
I’ve been meaning to thank you for your input over the last couple of months. I’d been having a tough time and while everyone’s input has been really helpful, I’ve found yours to be particularly insightful.
Your support specifically helped me a lot, and I just wanted you to know that.
Thank you.
Hi Dogman
It means a huge deal to hear that in the midst of a personal experience that someone else can find some comfort or some utiltarian value from the experience - it makes it far less of a negative one and your post means a huge deal to me - thank you.
i barely think of my ex nowadays, thats not to say that i go to the other extreme and deny to myself those feelings I had - it is once the tidal I of emotion has been taken under control - I believe we all have the ability to muster that strength to take that control however difficult it might be, put ourselves first, I never take for granted each day of my life, it could be the last, if it is the last I want it to end with feeling that I kept my self-respect self-care beyond subjugating myself to any other human being and putting in a wrapper called "love" for another at the detriment to my own being.
I look back and wince alot about the state of mind I got stuck in - a victim of disorganised thinking, some call it fog. Progress became logarithmic when I analysed and took action towards deficiencies in my own life rather than concentrating on my ex and her disorder. Blood pressure and weight back into normal range, sleep back to healthy, plus a litany of other dynamics that underpinned the circumstances I was in. The world is an abundant place, it was ridiculous to have a paradigm centred on one person, it was not only scarcity thinking it was monumentally unhealthy.
I care and perhaps 'love' in a form the people on this board more than my ex, I have never met but have done more for my life in a constructive way. Recovery has come from snippets of thousands of posts from hundreds of individuals of a failed relationship. What better persons to learn from than those who have failed at something and subsequently overcome at the same time,
st
I wont and cant judge anyone who harbours these "holding on" feelings to their ex, what I will say is that I found it in hindsight an intolerable burden that once removed - rather than "thinking" of removing it, has changed my life and perspective in ways I never expected it to. "Burden" is the most accurate word in the nomenclature towards the relationship with my ex not the type of heavier weight in the gym to promote muscle growth but the type that stagnates and sucks life away type. Dogman I feel as if you are like the horse at the final furlong, feeling tired but needing to muster that extra strength to push through towards the finish line - your posts inspired me to do so, so if you have that inspiration you have the same ability to do for yourself - I know you will and thanks for your kind words, this is the place I found of sharing that burden until I could release myself from it, I cant be more grateful to yourself and all others who have been there, it is one hell of a struggle but not one that we have to face alone.
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RomanticFool
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Re: The crazy train never runs out of steam
«
Reply #3 on:
July 31, 2018, 04:43:24 PM »
Excerpt
The crazy train never runs out of steam,
Amen to that. Unless you decide to get off Dogman. I've got to tell you that I'm getting off mine and it feels like my heart is being ripped out and that all the colour in the world is turning to black and white. But that's just my own craziness telling me that she is the 'love of my life.'
Excerpt
We meet our emotional equals.
That phrase has been said to me on here time and again. I repeat it like a mantra. I need to work on my own emotional codependency also re-evaluate what I consider to be a good partner. If my heart is telling me that a crazy, depressive, BPD who has done nothing but break my heart is my one true love, then I have some serious issues that need sorting out. You may feel the same about yourself. Until you hold the mirror up to yourself, nothing will change. It is very painful detaching from a pwBPD, particularly if they are beautiful and the sex is dynamite. But in my experience, if we don't detach from them, they will drag us into the hellish pit of despair... .again and again and again. Get off that crazy train!
Excerpt
I look back and wince alot about the state of mind I got stuck in - a victim of disorganised thinking, some call it fog. Progress became logarithmic when I analysed and took action towards deficiencies in my own life rather than concentrating on my ex and her disorder. Blood pressure and weight back into normal range, sleep back to healthy, plus a litany of other dynamics that underpinned the circumstances I was in. The world is an abundant place, it was ridiculous to have a paradigm centred on one person, it was not only scarcity thinking it was monumentally unhealthy.
I absolutely endorse this Cromwell. I'm going to cut and paste that into my 'BPD notes" and read it every time I feel pain.
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DogMan75
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Relationship status: Living Separately
Posts: 168
Re: The crazy train never runs out of steam
«
Reply #4 on:
July 31, 2018, 09:55:37 PM »
Quote from: Cromwell on July 31, 2018, 04:18:07 PM
... .Dogman I feel as if you are like the horse at the final furlong, feeling tired but needing to muster that extra strength to push through towards the finish line - your posts inspired me to do so, so if you have that inspiration you have the same ability to do for yourself - I know you will and thanks for your kind words, this is the place I found of sharing that burden until I could release myself from it, I cant be more grateful to yourself and all others who have been there, it is one hell of a struggle but not one that we have to face alone.
Oh, I am. Like you said in another thread, once you decide to make her part of your past, it gets a lot less painful. The most pain I feel these days is when I idly entertain the thought of getting back with her. That’s when it hurts, because there’s just no way to really do that, at least, not while maintaining any kind of self-respect. The only solution is total extrication.
Quote from: RomanticFool on July 31, 2018, 04:43:24 PM
Amen to that. Unless you decide to get off Dogman. I've got to tell you that I'm getting off mine and it feels like my heart is being ripped out and that all the colour in the world is turning to black and white. But that's just my own craziness telling me that she is the 'love of my life.'... .
I am off, my man. My biggest decision right now is deciding between my continued radio silence or telling her to ___ off as she pleads for a response. I’m taking the high road and just freezing her out. Like a wart.
Quote from: RomanticFool on July 31, 2018, 04:43:24 PM
... .It is very painful detaching from a pwBPD, particularly if they are beautiful and the sex is dynamite.
The sex was good, but could definitely have been better. What made it so good was some patient retraining and the fact that I loved her so much. Well, that love is not the same so that particular temptation is severely hampered. Works for me.
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Zemmma
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Posts: 171
Re: The crazy train never runs out of steam
«
Reply #5 on:
July 31, 2018, 10:19:14 PM »
This is a really powerful thread.
Having such a hard time but so wild how you are all speaking my truth. Love this part:
Excerpt
If my heart is telling me that a crazy, depressive, BPD who has done nothing but break my heart is my one true love, then I have some serious issues that need sorting out.
I will visit this again and again for your insights.
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toughday
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 40
Re: The crazy train never runs out of steam
«
Reply #6 on:
August 01, 2018, 07:04:24 AM »
Quote from: Cromwell on July 31, 2018, 04:18:07 PM
I look back and wince alot about the state of mind I got stuck in - a victim of disorganised thinking, some call it fog. Progress became logarithmic when I analysed and took action towards deficiencies in my own life rather than concentrating on my ex and her disorder. Blood pressure and weight back into normal range, sleep back to healthy, plus a litany of other dynamics that underpinned the circumstances I was in. The world is an abundant place, it was ridiculous to have a paradigm centred on one person, it was not only scarcity thinking it was monumentally unhealthy.
This really struck a chord with me. The state of mind that i reached was so unhealthy. I was stuck in a constant cycle of negative thoughts and confusion. Constantly trying to rationalise her behaviour. The countless times she treated me poorly going around my head trying to make sense of the situation. The guilt at what i was becoming and the way i was reacting to her. It left very little room for any positive thought.
Six months down the line i am just starting to pull myself out of this spiral and genuinely smile and laugh again but there is still work to be done and the real kicker is that i still think of her every day and wonder what if. I miss her and i don't really yet understand why as my life is infinitely better without her. Detaching is so hard even when you know its the only path.
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MeandThee29
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 977
Re: The crazy train never runs out of steam
«
Reply #7 on:
August 01, 2018, 11:14:53 AM »
Quote from: RomanticFool on July 31, 2018, 04:43:24 PM
That phrase has been said to me on here time and again. I repeat it like a mantra. I need to work on my own emotional codependency also re-evaluate what I consider to be a good partner. If my heart is telling me that a crazy, depressive, BPD who has done nothing but break my heart is my one true love, then I have some serious issues that need sorting out. You may feel the same about yourself. Until you hold the mirror up to yourself, nothing will change. It is very painful detaching from a pwBPD, particularly if they are beautiful and the sex is dynamite. But in my experience, if we don't detach from them, they will drag us into the hellish pit of despair... .again and again and again. Get off that crazy train!
It "worked" because we allowed it. That doesn't make it right or healthy. When I started coming out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt), I realized that friends' marriages were nothing like mine. There was genuine love and respect. None of the contempt he showed towards me. A few rough edges, but basically they got it. It seems so elementary, and yet it was not, at least for me.
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