Frustration with extreme BPD person

[Hope4healingBPDs]

I'm interested in learning and dealing with BPDs in my life.  In the pass I've either tried to help them or fix them and I cannot.  They can be extremely exhausting and damaging.

[Hope4healingBPDs]

LOL. Just realized I should have created my account as Hope4dealingw/BPDs

[wendydarling]

Hello Hope4 and welcome 

You say you've BPD's in your life. Who are they, parent, partner, child, sibling, in law, friend?

If you share more what you are dealing with we can help you join the communities who can help you.

WDx 

[Feeling Better]

Hi there Hope4healingBPDs

I join wendydarling in welcoming you here.

It sounds as though you have had a lot to contend with, having people with BPD in your life. As you quite rightly say, you cannot help them (unless they ask for help) and you most definitely cannot fix them.

As wendydarling says, it would be really helpful to know who the people with BPD in your life are so that we can guide you to the right place to get the help and support that you need.

Look forward to hearing more from you x

[Hope4healingBPDs]

Sorry for the late reply.  The person is our daughter in law and possibly will be our ex daughter in law.  Unfortunately she will not accept any responsibility of damage nor over the years (approx. 18) of encouragement to seek professional help.  I'm choosing to engage as little as possible.  Sadly things could have turned out better and the exhaustion of dealing with a person that contradicts from one sentence to the next, creates drama, highly emotional conflict/rage, revengeful, controlling, manipulating, self centered and blame everyone versus healing. When I have to engage with her, I will need to do it differently in a detached way.  She has even gone as far as saying even a counselor said they cannot help her with all her problems.  Counselors take one thing at a time and help their patients.  Commen sense, reasonable decision making and logic unfortunately do not compute.  The comfort, identity and attention being the victim is where she is choosing to be; sadly.

[Feeling Better]

Hi Hope4healingBPDs,

Thank you for getting back to us and letting us know that it is your DIL (daughter in law) with BPD. Your thread will probably get moved to the Parent, Sibling, Inlaw board in due course.

[Learning2Thrive]

Sorry for the late reply.  The person is our daughter in law and possibly will be our ex daughter in law.  Unfortunately she will not accept any responsibility of damage nor over the years (approx. 18) of encouragement to seek professional help. I'm choosing to engage as little as possible.  Sadly things could have turned out better and the exhaustion of dealing with a person that contradicts from one sentence to the next, creates drama, highly emotional conflict/rage, revengeful, controlling, manipulating, self centered and blame everyone versus healing. When I have to engage with her, I will need to do it differently in a detached way.  She has even gone as far as saying even a counselor said they cannot help her with all her problems.  Counselors take one thing at a time and help their patients.  Commen sense, reasonable decision making and logic unfortunately do not compute.  The comfort, identity and attention being the victim is where she is choosing to be; sadly.

Hello and welcome!

I’m so sorry to learn about your situation. I can understand howyou might be frustrated and angry about 18 years of these behaviors.

Has your DIL been diagnosed?

What does your son say about his wife and her behaviors? How is their relationship? Do they have children? How is your relationship with your son?

Your initial posts mention BPDs (plural) in your life. Are there others in addition to your DIL?

We have several tools that are useful for improving communication and relationships, BPD or not.  Can you give us a little example of recent conflict so we may know how to help and which tools to suggest?

I look forward to learning more about you and how we may help you navigate these troubled waters.

  L2T