What do you do when you’re hurting?

[Samson1234@]

... .because I am right now!

I’m trying to remember all the random unpredictable outbursts, the hateful siliences, the mornings where she texts me at 12pm when she wakes up to come into the bedroom to telll me how annoying my kids are (because we have been up since 6 and are waiting until she finally wakes up so she can be a part of our day too), that whatever side of her I walk on down the road it’s the wrong side, that if she asks for fruit tea I made the wrong one even though she said she doesn’t care which I make...

All I can think about is the amazing parts... .


 I was thinking today I do some pretty amazing stuff, I’m an actual judge, like in a court, she never ever once asked about that, she never asked about my past, my travelling, anything about me, all her... .all I can think about is her voice, her smile... .romanticising!

What do you do to get through this really acute part?

She text me today... .”I miss my best friend, i hope I get him back one day... .if I’m allowed”   

Broke me! Asked her why she wouldn’t be allowed and no reply... .

What are your tips? I’m struggling today bigtime but I can’t chase her, in time I think I’ll know I can do better but she is so seductively fun and interesting

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Samson1234@,

I like to watch comedy videos so I can smile, laugh and feel good.

You are forcing yourself not to contact her? I'd try not to think of the good stuff about her, that will break you.

Where have you travelled to? What places of the world would you still like to visit?

take care, pearl.

[Samson1234@]

I am forcing myself every minute of the day... .it’s impossible not to, her car is parked outside my house because she asked me to sell it for her and I stupidly agreed!

I won’t be distracted by your kind attempts to distract me

[Samson1234@]

But thank you pearl x

[pearlsw]

Hi Samson1234@,

How are you feeling today?

warmly, pearl.

[Samson1234@]

Hi Pearl,

Mixed if im honest. I was doing good yesterday then she started messaging me, asking how my boys were and saying she missed them, wished she could see them...

I told her I wished she could too but I didn't want them confused and I don't know what the answer to that is for the minute and she just said there is never an answer...

I was ok about it but I dreamt about her last night and it woke me up at 4am and I couldnt get back to sleep after that

trying to focus on all the bad things like you advised, not the good

[pearlsw]

Mixed if im honest.

Hey Samson1234@,

So for you having distance and detaching from her feels like the best course of action? Is she trying to get back with you or just be friends?

For the record I didn't say focus on the bad!  I just suggested not focusing on things that remind you of wanting her if you want some of the pain of that to subside.

take care, pearl.

[pearlsw]

Hi Samson1234@,

What do you think of possibly returning the responsibility for the car to her to reduce your stress, troubles for you?

sincerely, pearl.

[Samson1234@]

I don't know what I want to be honest, I think that is the issue in my head. There is a great deal of stress in her life right now, she describes it as being overwhelming and her not knowing what she thinks about anything, plus she wants to move away from the area because she see's things that trigger her PTSD everywhere she goes here, and maybe moving would be good for her... .and a relationship here would make that harder... .so we seem to be friendly and she messaged me the other day saying that she hopes she gets her best friend back one day if she is allowed... .


I must be honest there are a great many things about her that are not right for me, the drug use, the walking on eggshells, the party lifestyle... .and also having read these forums extensively I also fear what a relationship would be like with her if she did stay and wanted that - there is a part of me that thinks this is an opportunity to avoid a potentially difficult relationship and avoid being hurt even more.


But equally we had the most amazing times together, her mind is amazing and its very very attractive, and physically she is my perfect woman... .I want that and I fear no one else would ever measure up to that, that she could well be the best id ever get!


But its a moot issue, I am very much limiting my contact with her and focusing on me because whatever the reasons or what I want right now she isn't choosing me and my boys, she is choosing not us, so im focusing on that part.


I have thought about returning the car, it would cause her tremendous problems, it is untaxed so she would have nowhere to store it. I do wish I didn't have it though, not least because when it sells ill have to see her to give her the money and also return a bin liner of her stuff she left here. I don't think seeing her will be amazing for me right now. Also of course after that there is no real reason for us to talk, if she is being nice to me because of the car once that goes she could stop and just walk away and im afraid of finding out if that is the case too. The more time that passes the stronger I get though.