My stbEx used the words 'sexual abuse' for the first time

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi everyone,

Last friday my stbEx used the wordt 'sexual abuse' for the first time. Her acccusations where against my mother. I know that they are false, because in the last couple of weeks my mother only saw my son twice. Both times I was there. Before that she had not seen him since october last year.

Furthermore my wife is manupilative towards my son. She let him say things which aren't through. She records them and sends them to me with an accusation. When I correct her accusations, she blames me for saying that our son is a liar. For me he is not a lair. He is someone who doesn't feel save enough to tell the truth to his mother. I don't blame him for that. For me he has to say everything he needs to, to let her back off.

Both this things hurt me really bad. I sleep less because of it. The feeling that my son is unsafe when he is by is mother, is killing me. Furthermore when I extrapolate her behavoir an accusation of sexual abuse is waiting to happen in the future. Agains me or a relative of mine. That frightened me.

Bottomline I feel awfule and it is only at the beginning of my divorce. I know it is not a sprint but a marathon. I hope I can keep on standing.

Greetings,

LovingDad

[LovingDad]

Hi everyone,

Last friday my stbEx used the wordt 'sexual abuse' for the first time. Her acccusations where against my mother. I know that they are false, because in the last couple of weeks my mother only saw my son twice. Both times I was there. Before that she had not seen him since october last year.

Furthermore my wife is manupilative towards my son. She let him say things which aren't through. She records them and sends them to me with an accusation. When I correct her accusations, she blames me for saying that our son is a liar. For me he is not a lair. He is someone who doesn't feel save enough to tell the truth to his mother. I don't blame him for that. For me he has to say everything he needs to, to let her back off.

Both this things hurt me really bad. I sleep less because of it. The feeling that my son is unsafe when he is by is mother, is killing me. Furthermore when I extrapolate her behavoir an accusation of sexual abuse is waiting to happen in the future. Agains me or a relative of mine. That frightened me.

Bottomline I feel awfule and it is only at the beginning of my divorce. I know it is not a sprint but a marathon. I hope I can keep on standing.

Greetings,

LovingDad

[EdR]

I don't know your backstory, but this is probably the most dangerous part of BPD. The splitting, the painting black, the false accusations.

It must be completely awful and I feel for you. The subject matter is so serious that unfortunately everyone SHOULD take such an accusation serious. Leading only to more pain and suffering.
False accusations like this are basically nuclear bombs dropped on you and your family.

Hang in there!

[ForeverDad]

It took me a year but when I finally got access to my then-preschooler's therapy records, my ex had made allegations against my mother (then in her 80's) and me.  No wonder the agency was so obstructive even though I had the 'standard' alternate weekend dad schedule.

What I'm saying is that once she is comfortable making allegations against your mother - and they don't turn out to be actionable - odds are she will try them on you.  Especially when she thinks she looks bad to the professionals and feels she has to make you look worse than her.  That's basically what my ex did.  That my ex could make such claims was scary.  That the agencies let my ex keep making them was even more scary.  They were all closed.  One time I demanded and got a written response from CPS but it was a fill-in-the-blanks form letter and they only stated they investigated a report and it was deemed "unsubstantiated".  I was hoping for the better "unfounded" but never got it.