I need to be "consistent"

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I think my wife has a mild case of BPD. 

When she gets stressed out, she treats me like absolute garbage.  Every thing I say is met with a nasty comment in return.  She gets angry at me for not doing things she never talked to me about/asked me about.  Most of the message is about how I'm letting her down/stupid/thoughtless, etc. 

If I ever get impatient with her, or even sarcastic, she talks about how she can never trust me, how I'm not building up a consistent basis for trust between us, etc. 

This kind of behavior is often most noticeable on the weekends, especially Sunday, where she will wake up in the morning and start "kicking the dog" (me). 

Does this sound like BPD behavior?   Thank you

[professorplum]

I think my wife has a mild case of BPD. 

When she gets stressed out, she treats me like absolute garbage.  Every thing I say is met with a nasty comment in return.  She gets angry at me for not doing things she never talked to me about/asked me about.  Most of the message is about how I'm letting her down/stupid/thoughtless, etc. 

If I ever get impatient with her, or even sarcastic, she talks about how she can never trust me, how I'm not building up a consistent basis for trust between us, etc. 

This kind of behavior is often most noticeable on the weekends, especially Sunday, where she will wake up in the morning and start "kicking the dog" (me). 

Does this sound like BPD behavior?   Thank you

[Cat Familiar]

Hello professorplum,
I think if you read some other threads on this forum, you'll see that what you describe is nearly word for word with what other members are experiencing. It's definitely not fun to be treated this way. How do you respond when she starts this verbal abuse?

Cat

[professorplum]

Thank you - sometimes better than others.  Reading about other coping mechanisms here, I see that too often I'm trying to explain things or put things in perspective (together as a couple).  My wife is so rational in so many other ways that I just can't believe (part of me still can't believe) that she doesn't realize how much this hurts my feelings for her (and how badly it makes me feel about our relationship sometimes).  It is so hard sometimes to validate her feelings, especially when her feelings are contempt, disgust, anger, etc. at me.