Help. I have 3 children who are being brainwashed into hating me

[Target1972]

 
I left my wife in February when I saw that she was not only targeting me but had targeted my oldest daughter to the point my oldest daughter said she wanted to kill herself. I thought if I divorced my wife my kids could have a stable invoirnment 50% of the time . My ex got an order of protection against me and I had to hire a guardian ad liteum to get every other weekend. Now my ex is alienating my children, she is trying to get my oldest to come to court and testify that I’m “controlling” my kids stoped saying I love you and now my girls are saying they don’t want to see me anymore
My lawyer and the children’s lawyer are incompetent in helping my children.
My next court date is in a month and I’m afraid my children won’t speak to me by then
Can anyone help!

[livednlearned]

Yikes, your daughter needs some real support. It's scary when a child has suicidal ideation.

How old are the kids?

Did your oldest tell you directly that she wanted to take her own life?

How was it handled?

There are specific relationship and communication skills that aren't intuitive and must be learned. Are they girls still coming to you during your custodial time?

What happens when they are with you?

[ForeverDad]

Have you read Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by William Eddy & Randi Kreger?  It is a must-read for any high conflict divorce.  One of the first point it emphasizes is that not just any lawyer is up to the daunting task.  You need a proactive, experienced lawyer, one who can do far more than prepare forms and hold hands.  If your lawyer isn't up to repeated hearing in court and proficient at trials, then you need to search for one who is.

I recall someone saying it's okay to ask, "If you (lawyer) were facing a high conflict case like mine and your parenting was at similar risk, who would you hire?"  Don't be timid, after all, any good lawyer will know he won't get every person walking in for a consultation as a client.  If you start getting the same names, you can move them to the top of your search list.

Courts often turn a deaf ear when parents claim alienation.  Even the professionals have been iffy over the years.  However, Craig Childress developed a novel approach that fits in with the psychological frameworks, that the alienation attempts are a form of child abuse and that is showing real promise and growing acceptance in mental health circles.  Look into that.

My lawyer told me, "Courts love counseling!"  If you want counseling and your ex doesn't, court will probably side with you.  However, there is huge risk if your ex gets to pick the counselor.  She is likely to select one who will believe her stories and shun you.  So one approach that has worked is for you to be the first to suggest counseling, providing a short list of vetted counselors or therapists, experienced and reputable, then letting ex choose from among them.  Court likes it when both parents are involved in the selection.  But you have to be first to propose the two-step selection process.  And do it before she unilaterally makes her own pick to sabotage you.

Be aware that your ex is probably using a disinformation campaign on the kids.  You would characterize leaving as you being driven away.  She will cast you as someone who abandoned them and didn't love them.  Two very different stories.

Another excellent book is Divorce Poison by Richard Warshak.