Intro Parents of Young Adult 24BPD, she's fled, we are in turmoil and need help

[Junebuggg]

I'm the parent of a 24 year old with undiagnosed (as far as I know, thanks to hipaa) BPD. She checks all the boxes. We have always been loving and supportive- possibly excessively so. She moved back home with us a few months ago on the understanding that she would use this respite to save money and finish her college degree. This weekend, she assaulted her visiting non-BPD sister, then took off. We're in turmoil. Hard to think straight. Intellectually we know this is bad, and we have to protect her sibs and ourselves, but the logistics alone are daunting. Glad to have found this site and I'm working through "Walking on Eggshells" . Husband still clings to fantasy that if we're loving enough, we can all live happily ever after. Help!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Junebuggg and welcome to you, I'm glad you found us and reached out  

It sounds like you've been through some with your daughter, she came home for rest bite and assaulted your non-daughter and fled. I hope your non-daughter is ok?   Do you know where your daughter is?

Your DD needs help, it's a fine divide providing love and support they need and deserve and guiding them to help themselves, responsibility for their mental health.

I joined family here come 3 years ago in crisis like you Junebuggg Lessons: What can a parent do? Take your good time, stay with, my DD is doing great!

Has your daughter ever talked to you, that she is struggling?

We're here for you. It's good to talk  

WDx

[Merlot]

Hi Junebugg

Along with Wendydarling, I welcome you here too

I'm glad that you've reached out to us, and Walking on Eggshells is such a wonderful introductory book on BPD.  It certainly validated much for me when I came here 8 months ago after my DD27 cut me and my GD1 out of her life after a terrible rage.  

You mention that your daughter ticks all the boxes, are you able to elaborate here?  I'm sorry your other daughter was assaulted, that is very difficult to deal with.  Safety is paramount and I hope you are able to set some boundaries around this type of behaviour while still being able to validate your daughter's obvious anger.

It sounds like there are some challenges with your husband, denial maybe.  I often hear from other parents here that the child with BPD tendencies/diagnosed, often plays one parent over the other.  Do you think therapy might be of use to you?

I hope you and your daughter are ok, there's lot's to contend with and the board to the right is very informative.

Look forward to hearing from you  
Merlot