Just do not know what to do: she broke up, I'm living off of Red Bulls

[pearlsw]

Hi Coastered,

I'd like to echo something Roland of Eid said about how some consequences/reality invading her world can sometimes make a difference.

Also, would you say you are doing a lot of JADE-ing?

I've heard this before. Had "I love you's" taken back, told they weren't meant. Sigh. Just remember a lot of what someone with this issues says is a way of trying to hurt you so you feel the pain they are in, or to relieve their pain. It is horrible to hear, but is not something to believe.

Are you trying any of the tools here yet? It is not always easy. It can be very discouraging at times, but nevertheless worth a try. Have you tried much validation?

warmly, pearl.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Coastered]

I am indeed using the tools here yes.  She flips and then just speaks (rather shouts) over me so I remain silent.  I listen and the phone gets put down.  She has her say and I do not get to say much at all.

I do not JADE as I know it gets me nowhere, I try and understand but I feel every move I make, every word I say is an excuse to find fault in me.  I think of things I want to say and end up not bothering.  This time I was the bad guy for what I did not say.

I have now not spoken to her since Saturday I am on the verge of giving up totally.

I have tried validating, I say how beautiful she is every day, how strong she is, how kind she is.  I excuse her outbursts and try to tell her I understand why she is angry... . Then she gets angry again a week later and it all starts again.

She does things 'for me' to use against me at another point in time.  So much so she now does things without me even asking and then holds it against me.  It seems I am in an impossible situation.

Last time (at around this time) I texted her to say I was on lunch and she rang like nothing had happened, this time I am seriously thinking about just not bothering.

[pearlsw]

Hi Coastered,

Just to follow up, validation may have a larger scope to it than you are using.  To be more precise, isn’t just saying nice things to her, though that can create a nice atmosphere I think, but it is actually a way of making her feel listened to.  It does not require you to agree with everything she is saying, as she is likely saying a lot of hurtful things, but it does help you to (possibly) keep the situation from getting too far off track. You will have likely seen others here on the boards talking about partial validation. This is when you have to sort past the horrible stuff you are hearing and listen for the feelings. She may be expressing sadness, frustration, etc. Sometimes no amount of validation will be enough and it would be better for you to exit the conversation, but before that perhaps some amount could let the feelings be “heard.”

I made this mistake often in the past because I simply could not relate to such extreme emotions. Well, I should explain first, I took some personality tests for a job once, we all did, and I found I am both reasonable and emotional - nearly equally balanced exactly between the two - not an extreme in either direction. That sounded spiffy to me, but it wasn't great though in practice sometimes! So while I cared how he felt, I also often had “a shake it off” “why would you let that bother you?” kind of attitude rather than being able to listen to extreme (for me) emotional reactions. Now I get it! His emotions were very different and I had to stop judging/dismissing them (being invalidating!) and just listen to them as impartially as I could and find a better way to be supportive than what I was trying to do because what I was doing was not working - at all.

One of my best friends/colleagues took the test too and while she was not BPD her extreme (to me) reactions suddenly made sense to me when I saw her score from  the test mapped on the board (we all saw each others mapping)! This helped me a lot with seeing just how different emotions can be from person to person and be more understanding/accepting of the range of emotional expression that exists. But it is also okay to want to be safe from it! For sure! It is never worth compromising your safety over.

Anyway, it felt frustrating and impossible to be with him and that drove me nuts because I didn't want to believe we somehow could not get along - I get along with everybody, or I want to try at least!  Argh! I wanted him desperately to follow basic Fair Fighting Rules, but all reason, control, decency, limits would go right out the window when he was angry. In his case medication was the only thing that gave him anything near balance and any chance to communicate.

I hear your frustration. It can seem impossibly difficult at times, like one slip up messes up all or it won't work. It might work, it might not, it up to us to find/decide where our limits lie, decide how much to invest in any given relationship.

BPD is a spectrum disorder and you will see more and less extreme cases. I was "lucky" in a sense, I never had to deal with extreme nitpicking as much as many here do. A bit, but not daily, and in time it eased up a lot as he got used to my personality, shed more and more of his past relationship bad habits/misconceptions, and picked up better behavior I modeled for him. He typically either adored me or was really mad - very black and white in his thinking, but still, this was very hard to navigate and confusing as could be!

It is not easy to have a partner with mental health issues, we can often pushed to our human limits. If you need breaks take them!

warmly, pearl.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi Coastered, joining in pearlsw in saying that I hear your frustration, loud and clear. I know what its like to be at the tipping point of exhaustion / total burnout in the relationship.

In these kinds of situations I generally forgo attempts at communication and resolving issues to self care. I do what I need to feel better and regain strength before I initiate the next engagement.

What can you do right now to take care of yourself?

Sending you strength,
~ROE

[Navysndfirey]

Perfect comment ROE, , that’s what I’m doing.

[Coastered]

Hi Coastered, joining in pearlsw in saying that I hear your frustration, loud and clear. I know what its like to be at the tipping point of exhaustion / total burnout in the relationship.

In these kinds of situations I generally forgo attempts at communication and resolving issues to self care. I do what I need to feel better and regain strength before I initiate the next engagement.

What can you do right now to take care of yourself?

Sending you strength,
~ROE

Yes that does seem to work, disengage and do things I like doing.

I can eat properly, do the stuff I enjoy and just ignore the frustrations.  I do like to keep a log here as well, it helps... .a lot.

And so does everyone who has posted and helped me!  People understand on this forum, they know its more than 'get over it' you so often get with friends.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi Coastered, glad to hear you are able to practice some self care.

Any updates since your last post?

~ROE

[Coastered]

Hi Coastered, glad to hear you are able to practice some self care.

Any updates since your last post?

~ROE

Sadly I failed my driving test today, I was heartbroken.  Sad thing was I was more sad for her than me.  I am conditioned that way I guess.

What really stuck the knife in was that she was just bothered about how difficult it was with me not driving, how its all down to her.  How the relationship is a struggle that I do not drive.  How she cannot go on like this.

The stress during the test is unparalleled because of this.

She was more bothered about how SHE felt rather than how I did.  I did not JADE, I just apologised for letting her down and how sorry I was.

But that hurt.  It hurt big.

She dropped the 'kisses' from her texts (her passive aggressive way of telling me I am in the dog house).  All I wanted was encouragement and love, not to feel like a failure.

She made me feel like a failure.  She tells me there is no fun or pleasure in this relationship as it all falls down to her to teach me to drive.  She offers and then uses it against me.

I really do feel I need to put my foot down.  If there is no fun for her then really she should find someone who gives her fun.  She just forgets all the times she does enjoy herself and all the things I do for her.  I do believe if she thinks she can do better than me or find a better love she should start looking.

[Coastered]

I have not sent this yet, but its how I feel...   This is the email I am hovering over sending... .



I have read your last few emails with a heavy heart.  I failed my test and all I see from you is how it makes you feel and that is not right.  I tried my best but I have patently let you down and failed you.  You do not have fun with me, you tell me all the time – I am simply not good enough for you. You remind me all the time about how much I demand of you and how I do not ever seem to appreciate it or realise it to such an extent I fear you doing anything supportive.  I have thanked you, loved you and did everything I could possibly do in my heart to make you feel special but it is not enough and never will it be enough.

I know you do not feel happy with me and you deserve to feel happy – I am sorry I let you down.

[RolandOfEld]

She made me feel like a failure.  She tells me there is no fun or pleasure in this relationship as it all falls down to her to teach me to drive.  She offers and then uses it against me.

Hi Coastered, I'm really sorry about the test. I have some personal sharing here.

I am... .not the best driver. I failed my drivers test in the US... .7 times. Failed it in my wife's country once about two minutes after it started. My driving has always been a sore point my wife and one she has used to hurt me with at every opportunity. When I used to scooter the two of us around here, she would sometimes literally hit me if I didn't make a turn the way she liked. Like you, I'm terrified to drive her anywhere now.

This pressure not to fail has applied in many other areas of our marriage.

Coastered, in a normal relationship, our partners would sit down with us  and have a conversation about what's going on and offer their support to help us. But we  are not in a normal relationship.

So the sad but practical truth I think we have to do it ourselves, or seek out other resources.

A few thoughts on your email:

I don't think you have anything to apologize for, and I wouldn't apologize. You failed, that's true, but there is a reason! It is not because there is something essentially wrong with you. You are not doing anything in malice or out of laziness or irresponsibility. A true partner would work with you to find the root cause and support you to overcome it. 

If I were writing this email (I have have written countless emails in exactly the same tone), I would acknowledge the failure and outline what steps you plan to take to overcome it (e.g. getting a private driving instructor, working with counselor to overcome issues as to why you struggle, etc). That way you show responsibility for it without painting yourself as a failure.

Personally, I think my driving issues come from a combination of my poor focus and family members (primarily her) criticizing me instead of supporting me to get to the bottom of the problem.

 What do you think about the above?

~ROE

 

[Coastered]

I think you are absolutely right and I have never had such support and understanding from people here that just understand.  I have literally been dripping with sweat driving with her as if I made a mistake she would scream in my face calling me foul names.

I haven't spoken to her since she left the house (again) after I failed.  She was though saying she was suicidal again.  She has mentioned this a few times before but not for a while now.

Personally and I know it makes me look horrible but I've almost had enough, the tank is empty... .

[RolandOfEld]

Hey Coastered, let's have a quick perception check (I give these to myself regularly):

You are a failure because you have difficulty passing a test involving an extremely complex and dangerous machine, yet she is suicidal because her partner (not her) didn't pass a driving exam, and you have the emotional strength to empathize with her feelings on this situation?

Yes she has a license, but who is in the lead here for maturity and overall self possession?

I'm sorry to hear she left again, but maybe some time to yourself is what you need right now? What can you do during this time to refill your tank?

~ROE

[Enabler]

You are a failure because you have difficulty passing a test involving an extremely complex and dangerous machine, yet she is suicidal because her partner (not her) didn't pass a driving exam, and you have the emotional strength to empathize with her feelings on this situation?

Soo nicely put there RoE. Well said.

She has not learnt to deal with her emotions, a skill a lot of 6 year olds manage (said with as much empathy as I can muster).

When's your next driving test? You can do this buddy. Are you able to get someone else to sit in the car whilst you learn? I'm guessing you're at the stage where you just need to get comfortable driving, not so much 'learn'. Do this for yourself not for her.

Enabler

[Coastered]

Thanks to you both.  You both speak a lot of sense.  My new test is in November, I have no intention of telling her any dates so, if I fail again, I do not have to put up with a tirade of abuse.  I failed the test because I was obviously not ready but the mere fact I dreaded telling her goes a long way into how the situation makes me feel.

Obviously when I told her my fears were validated.  She was fine before the test and then when she knew the result I got the usual "Cant do this anymore"  "There's no fun in this relationship" and "I only said I was happy to appease you".  She told me she was suicidal and wanted to go home, I left her to it and have not contacted her since although she has been 'active' online.  She has told me I make her suicidal countless times.  Does not matter how others treat her, I am a ass - no matter what I do or say when she is 'on one'.

It's always up to me to apologise, beg, plead and explain away her anger, temper, massive mood swings and utter contempt for me.  If I do so it'll be fine again like nothing happened but then explode again if I put a foot wrong.  Yes, walking on eggshells is indeed the perfect analogy although she loves to say that about me, telling me that I am Borderline or a narcissist.

The tank is empty yes and the only way at the moment I know how to fill that tank is to have her nowhere near me.  I am sick and tired being the reason she uses to be in a foul mood.  She does not act like this with anyone else and it hurts so much.  Yes I love her but what do I love?  The person I met a year ago is gone like she never existed.  The pain is indescribable, the sad thing is she has not got a clue or can comprehend HOW I FEEL.  Gosh, I know EXACTLY how she feels, she blames me for it daily.

[Enabler]

What is the longest you have been without contacting her? Can you remember you usual emotional pattern i.e. how you feel for the first few days, then you start to miss her, then you wonder what she's doing? I guess checking Whatsapp for signs she's active, does that say anything to you?

[Coastered]

What is the longest you have been without contacting her? Can you remember you usual emotional pattern i.e. how you feel for the first few days, then you start to miss her, then you wonder what she's doing? I guess checking Whatsapp for signs she's active, does that say anything to you?

Yes, I did because of the latest threat she made, I guess I do not know if I did it because I wanted to know she is safe or to see if she was chatting away to someone else, when she should have been there chatting away to me, her partner, about what happened that day.  Talking things over, consoling ourselves.

Before she came back, after my failed test, I had made her a coffee, had something ready for her to eat and offered us to take a walk, do something fun but she wanted to go, could not be prepared to be with me or speak with me and she told me that in so many words.

So That is a question I cant answer although I have now deleted all social media from my phone, her number and any apps like that.

Longest?  Hard to say, I hate arguments so I would normally back down in 2 days... .

Emotional pattern?  I try and sleep and wake up having cold sweats or feelings of impending doom, a feeling of great loss like something is missing.  I do not mean to sound hyperbolic but thats how I feel a few moments after waking up.

[Coastered]

Updste:  She told me last night it's over.  She said it's because she can't wait anymore to pass my test.  She then said she's blocked me everywhere.

So that's that.

Oh and apparently I'm a malignant narcassist.

[Enabler]

I was just about to call you that. It was the way you were so concerned about her when you’d just failed your driving test and were really disappointed... .

What do you hope for now?

Fancy continuing your learning journey? Having a good poke around in your head, learning some pretty cool communication skills and learning about your experience will help you power up for the future, regardless of what happens.

[Coastered]

Sorry.  Little confused here.  You were about to call me a mililignant narcassist?

[Enabler]

I was being massively sarcastic, from what you have written I see very little evidence of narcissism. Maybe she sees something I don’t and I only have the evidence of your narrative to go by. Do you think you’re narcissistic?

[Coastered]

I was being massively sarcastic, from what you have written I see very little evidence of narcissism. Maybe she sees something I don’t and I only have the evidence of your narrative to go by. Do you think you’re narcissistic?

Sorry, my mind was not in the best place last night and I see what you mean.  No I'm about as far removed to a narcassist as you could get.  I think I'm codependent and this played a huge role in why I stayed.  I love this woman but she's severely damaged and I don't blame her for it as she has had horrendous relationships in the past.  Or at least that's what she says from what I saw later I now question the stories she told me about previous partners, I say that because now I'm seen as one of the ex partner abusers.

As I mentioned she dumped me because I failed my driving test and she refused to wait the time until my next test.  She came and picked up her stuff and told me she didn't love me, it was over and she only got engaged with me to shut me up.  In a moment of desperation after the 10th discard I reactivated an online dating site so I could find some cheap self worth.  I felt unloveable, devastated and just could not go through the whole discard cycle again.

Well she found out and posted publicly on Facebook that I was a cheat and that's the reason we broke up.  Not the truth about me failing the driving test.  She, of course didn't mention the abuse, the hitting, the spitting, the horrendous anger and vulgar names she called me.  She portrayed herself as a victim.  I did not cheat on her, never did.  She dumped me and I had enough.  Yes a dating app wasn't a great move but I wanted to feel loveable as mentioned but also, dam I was single.

I just do not know where the woman I loved and still do went.  This all seems like crazy making to me.  She has now created a fiction that has me as the abuser and it just invalidates what I went through.  The truth has now been turned into her events and she did it publicly.

I'm so desperately lost right now.  Confused, hurt and angry.  It seems like emotional reasoning amplified.

[Enabler]

I just do not know where the woman I loved and still do went.  This all seems like crazy making to me.  She has now created a fiction that has me as the abuser and it just invalidates what I went through.  The truth has now been turned into her events and she did it publicly.

The woman you love has many facets, you love part of her but she comes (came) as a whole person, the adorable kind person and the angry violent person. As much as we'd like to we can't split them into 2 people. People often describe feeling like they're with Jekyll and Hyde.

Have you felt the compunction to respond to the FB posts? Have you had any feedback from friends? My guess is that the sooner this fire stops burning in your life, the sooner you can start to gather your thoughts and start rebuilding your opinion of yourself... .it's okay to think you're a good guy... .really, it is. From what you have learnt about BPD, do you think commenting on her posts would shorten or lengthen the time it takes for her to "job on"?

[Coastered]

The woman you love has many facets, you love part of her but she comes (came) as a whole person, the adorable kind person and the angry violent person. As much as we'd like to we can't split them into 2 people. People often describe feeling like they're with Jekyll and Hyde.

Have you felt the compunction to respond to the FB posts? Have you had any feedback from friends? My guess is that the sooner this fire stops burning in your life, the sooner you can start to gather your thoughts and start rebuilding your opinion of yourself... .it's okay to think you're a good guy... .really, it is. From what you have learnt about BPD, do you think commenting on her posts would shorten or lengthen the time it takes for her to "job on"?

No feedback from friends but her friends were throwing her a pity party with the new 'facts'.

I know, I get it, if I responded it will make the situation go into hyperdrive and not help in the slightest.  I know I have to let this damaged woman go if I love her, facts or truth be dammed.  She hates me now, despises me, and in her mind she now has an even better to reason to do so.  Yes I am mad with myself when she dumped me for going on a stupid dating app for a day but the outcome would be the same I guess if I hadn't but with just a different scenario.  I always felt like an actor in a film in this relationship with no control how the plot would go.

I am blocked everywhere anyway which I guess makes it really easy to go no contact.  Sad thing is I would probably have her back tomorrow is she contacted me, even though I know I would be living a lie... .

I just do not understand how I could go from being dumped because I failed my driving test (which we all know is an incredulous reason) to the script being totally changed that I cheated on her because I went on a site AFTER she discarded me.

I do love her but is it time I just moved on and forgot about her however difficult that would be?  Do I play wait and see?  The whole thing is a learning experience but I feel this time, the 10th time its probably forever.

[Enabler]

I just do not understand how I could go from being dumped because I failed my driving test (which we all know is an incredulous reason) to the script being totally changed that I cheated on her because I went on a site AFTER she discarded me.

How would her friends have reacted had she said "I dumped Coastered for failing his driving test, he's such a useless waste of space"? How do you think that would go down with her allergy to guilt and shame? Put it this way, it's far far better that you take the guilt and shame for the break-up.

It's a sad and sorry fact that people regularly give our pwBPD a lot of sympathy for disasters they create. I'm not sure whether or not it's a change in society and the "You alright hoon?" culture or a tenancy for others to want to rescue. Clearly 'the facts' are being portrayed in a skewed manner... .either by her... .or you. My money is on her. 

I think it's worth some time spent thinking about "what if she wants to get back together?" You say you would take her back and 'live a lie'. There is no right or wrong answer here, it is what it is. What and why would you want from the relationship assuming NOTHING changes? You cannot assume anything will change other than your own reactions.

[Coastered]

I brought the book "Walking on Eggshells" and I am obviously here as I wanted to try and live a life with her.  I try to calm her down each time but the more I do the more I seem to validate how she was feeling.  I do try and learn from others here and have been given fabulous advise which, I thought, was helping.

For example if I apologise about failing I am validating her anger as being reasonable.  That is a lesson I learnt.  That probably was not wise.

So, as I say, after the 10th discard in a moment of madness after being dumped I setup an online profile, she found this out and now as we know the whole story has changed.  I take responsibility for my stupidity.  It was stupid but I was very, very low after being told it was over, it never was love and she hated me.  I still own my mistake though.

I do not think she will be back, she has drawn a line in the sand now after publicly posting on Facebook what a horrendous piece of crap I am.  I do not think it is something her mind can come back from.  It is so sad as I was willing to reach out and live this type of life, change and learn how to deal with the situation but I am not a medical professional.  I  make mistakes - I am only human dealing with an incredibly complex woman.

A woman I love and probably always will despite the abuse.  Maybe I should ask what that says about me?

[Enabler]

So, as I say, after the 10th discard in a moment of madness after being dumped I setup an online profile, she found this out and now as we know the whole story has changed.  I take responsibility for my stupidity.  It was stupid but I was very, very low.

She dumped you right? She said the words "We're finished" or alike?

Why is it "Stupid" of you to assume that you are now single and free to join a dating app?

What is more stupid, saying something you don't mean which communicates to someone that you're ending the relationship... .or, accepting what someone else has verbalised as their intention and acting in a manner many people of a single person status would?

Validation is tough. Sometimes we go down the route of validating everything, the valid and the invalid. It's tough to learn and often involves being personally calm in the face of chaos... .but the key is to validate the valid and NOT validate the invalid. I'll raise my hand, I am not proficient at validation yet. In some senses it's better to say very little and listen, even leave painful gaps, than to INVALIDATE... .but if you can validate the valid that's awesome.

e.g. BPD - You're a worthless piece of cr@p, you can't even pass you're driving test
You - I'm sorry you feel I'm worthless not being able to drive, it must be very annoying having to drive me around.
BPD - You have no idea how inconvenient it is to have to drive you too and from work
You - Hmmm yes it is out of your way, I look forward to passing my test and then we can share the journeys.
BPD - If you loved me you would pass your driving test
You - I'll hopefully pass my test the next time round.

Can you see how I have not pain any attention to the insults or 'noise'. I am sure this could be improved and maybe identify more emotions to validate.

Enabler

[Coastered]

Yes. she dumped me, told me it was over, hated me, I made her skin crawl and she could not go on anymore as I failed my test.  

Yes, I wish I said the things you said, maybe the conversation would not have degenerated into the fact she felt the need to leave me and then obviously I would not be on a stupid dating app.  I totally see how that could have turned out differently.  However I also know that may have pacified the events on Thursday but then something else would potentially happen Friday.  I always felt I had to be perfect all the time, my game had to be flawless.

I also agree that it is stupid of her to use actions after the ending of a relationship to give as an excuse of ending a relationship, but as you mentioned previously her reasons in her mind now would be more acceptable, and it is what she is using on Facebook as her reason.  (totally crazy but her friends will know no different).  I also think this new narrative is what drives her, in her mind I AM a cheating pile of scum.  She feels this so it MUST be true.

However I know, or I get that horrible feeling, its over this time, she has broadcasted over Facebook what a lying piece of cr@ap I am and how I must have been cheating on her from day one so she has kind of drawn a line that she would have to backtrack from (never going to happen).  I never did, would not dream of it and I love her so much.  She has not spoken to me now since Friday which is the longest in 14 months.  She has totally wiped me from her life like I never existed and the pain is crippling me.  All I ever wanted to do was to hold her close and tell her I understand her pain, I did many times.  If I could take her illness I would, but I cant and I am just left with a devastating feeling of loss and betrayal.  She always said during the discards that I would tell everyone how nasty she was and here we are with her doing exactly the same thing to me.  I feel humiliated.  The only time I have talked about her is here, anonymously trying to get support for us both.

She has blocked me via Facebook, email, phone and texts, whats app and even 'Words with Friends' a silly phone game we used to play together so I cant even reach out to her.

Has anyone got any suggestions what I should do?  Should I just wait and see if she messages me?  She has done some wonderful things for me during the 'idealisation phase' like buy me a car for my birthday.  (after two months of knowing her - yes I know, another red flag) and I am just waiting for her to claim it back.

Obviously I could email her from another email address but I do not want to come across as a stalker or someone desperate.  Would you wait it out, contact her or just leave it as it is?  I guess what I am asking is what my next move should be?  Would someone with BPD see this as weak, disgusting or creepish.  

If I have to let her go, I will.  Thats how much I love her.

Thank you Enabler, I truly appreciate your support.  You guys will never know how much you help and I mean that so much.  If anyone else wants to chime in please do.  I value all opinions even If you think I do not want to hear it.  I do.

[Enabler]

Morning Coastered,

For someone with traits of BPD, feeling = fact, irrespective of evidence. You telling her otherwise just invalidates her feeling. Given this, what do you think you'd be able to say which would convince her that you aren't a cheating scumbag? It's comparable to someone trying to convince you the sky was green. She will think what she will think.

My suggestion for your next move would be to use your time to think through whether or not this relationship fits your model of a good relationship. I know it's tough but try and remove yourself from the emotional attachment and see how it looks. One method other board members suggest is thinking, what would I advise a friend to do if they described the relationship to me. She may or may not change her view of you, but this is likely to happen independently of what you do. If this doesn't work itself out, what lessons have you learnt?

I recommend you read this article on how a BPD relationship evolves. It may illustrate that there is a predictable pattern of behaviour.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves

Enabler

[Coastered]

what do you think you'd be able to say which would convince her that you aren't a cheating scumbag?

Nothing, you are right.

She may or may not change her view of you, but this is likely to happen independently of what you do. If this doesn't work itself out, what lessons have you learnt?

Boundaries, and early on!  And to learn how to communicate with her better.  I was thinking logic, she was not capable.

what would I advise a friend to do if they described the relationship to me

Leave.  I just wish it was that easy in reality.  I have deep feelings for her... .(sigh)

Good morning to you as well, well afternoon just... .

[Harley Quinn]

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