Ex-partner/best friend with BPD - I need help asap

[neff7396]

Hi everyone,
Sorry for the long read in advance
It relieves a bit of strain on me to know there are sites like this to help each other when it comes to separating our loved ones from their personality disorder.
I met my best friend when we were young and I absolutely fell in love with her from the get go. She was the only one, it seemed to me at the time, that genuinely gave a hoot. She is the most caring soul I have ever happened across.
We moved in together soon after we started dating, because I wanted normal independence from my parents and she wanted out of her mums house.
In typical BPD fashion, our highs would coincide with her mania and then we would have emotional arguments that seemed to start from the smallest things.
As I did not know about her relief hints of BPD DIAGNOSES (that I would find out years later), I was extremely patient with her and kept my cool the best I could. I would often not be able to get us to make up properly, due to her hypersensitivity; I would not be able to healthfully criticise her when she would attack and when she would hurt.
This cycle would repeat for a few years before she ‘gave up’ on us as I couldn’t shake a ‘bad man’ label she somehow put on me.
My best friend is out of control and I’m worried that if she continues her pattern it will be catestrophic.
She has already attempted a few times and suffers extreme depression.
My main request from this site is:
I’m not sure how to get her to get a handle on her disorder.
We watched a few very insightful videos on medcircle/YouTube however, my best friend seems to think it cannot be tamed and that she cannot have a close to normal life without hurting herself or the ones she cares about.
She’s threatened previously to kick me out of our house that we rent as she’s just gotten out of seperate romantic relationship with an abuser.
I know it’s her subconsciously testing me but it has worn me down and I just want the best for her.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Living together platonically while she has a romantic relationship sounds like you two are still involved, although not completely (e.g. it's safe, not sexual). Is that accurate?

What is your relationship like at the moment?

When is the last time she made an attempt, and what happened?

That had to be scary for you, and for her.

Glad you found the site. We're here to help walk this with you -- it helps to have people who understand what you're going through.

LnL

[RolandOfEld]

Hi neff7396 and welcome. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

I’m not sure how to get her to get a handle on her disorder.

There is not a lot we as "nons" can do to help people with BPD or BPD traits to get control of their disorder. What you can do is educate yourself on how you may better cope with and respond to her behaviors, such as setting boundaries. In the best case, this might put them on a path to self awareness and possibly seeking help. In the worst case, we at least become better versed in self care.

There are two ways to accomplish this here. First is to start looking through the excellent skills workshops on the right, which are helpful for coping with any kind of relationship challenges.  

The second is to post on other members threads to gain context on your own.

How are you practicing self care when things get chaotic?

Sending you strength,
RolandOfEld