How to move forward

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I have just learned that my child's spouse has BPD.  I had come across this and had my suspicions, but I never imagined the scope of it.  I have felt manipulated for a long time, but wanted to believe it really wasn't intentional.  Now I am having to face the fact that it was.  I feel very alone as few people can understand this.

[countrygal]

I have just learned that my child's spouse has BPD.  I had come across this and had my suspicions, but I never imagined the scope of it.  I have felt manipulated for a long time, but wanted to believe it really wasn't intentional.  Now I am having to face the fact that it was.  I feel very alone as few people can understand this.

[Learning2Thrive]

Welcome countrygal,

You’ve come to the right place. We are here to listen and support you.

You’ve recently learned that your spouse’s child has BPD. Can you clarify if this is an adult or minor child? What behaviors is this individual displaying? What are your concerns?

I look forward to learning more about your experiences and how we may help you move forward.

  L2T

[Learning2Thrive]

Hi countrygal 

I just noticed that I misread your original post. It’s not your spouse’s child, but your child’s spouse that has BPD.

Oh my. I messed that up. Please accept my apologies. I’m so sorry for my mistake.

To re-state correctly then:  You’ve recently learned that your child’s spouse has BPD. You’ve felt manipulated for a long time. You wanted to believe the manipulation was not intentional.

Do you now believe the manipulation was intentional?

Could you give us a couple examples of the manipulation?

We are here to listen and support you. We have members who have described very similar concerns as you expressed in your original post.

Sending you positive thoughts and encouragement. This BPD stuff can be difficult to manage, but we have tools and resources that really do help.

  L2T

[Panda39]

Hi countrygal,

I wanted to join Learning2Thrive and say welcome 

You are not alone many members are in the same position you are, I'm glad you've reached out.  It is often hard for people who have not experienced BPD to see it.  People with BPD are often able to appear functioning to those not close to them, but it becomes more and more apparent the closer you get to them.

I'm on these boards because my significant other (SO) has an undiagnosed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw), and when we first started dating he was very honest and up front about his ex, but I didn't get it right away.  But as things progressed I found myself always asking "why" and getting angry... .why was she being so cruel to him (parental alienation), why couldn't he get their daughter with a toothache to the dentist (neglect), why did she pull their daughter out of the classroom to home school her (neglect)... .why, why, why?

When you have the chance can you tell us more of your story?  We have lots of tools, we can give support, and we can share ideas but could use more of your story to help give us some direction.

How long have your child and his spouse been together?  Do they have children?  What does your relationship with your child's spouse look like?  What are your biggest issues or concerns?

Again welcome    I'm glad you decided to reach out.

Panda39