18 year old daughter with Borderline Personality

[Penny2018]

Hello,

New to the boards, hoping to find some help and advice regarding my 18 year old daughter who is bipolar but recently learned about
borderline personality disorder which fits her to a T.

I look forward to sharing and learning!
Thank you,
Penny2018

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harri]

hi Penny2018 and welcome to the board! 

What sort of behaviors lead you to suspect BPD?  Is she currently in treatment for her bipolar diagnosis? 

I hope you share more of your story as you feel comfortable.  The parents who post on this board can share what has worked for them or what they are working on now so I am glad you found us.

As you settle in and get comfortable here, check out the links over on the right side of the page.  We have several articles and tools that can help you as you learn and begin this journey.

I hope to read more from you soon.

[Feeling Better]

Hello Penny2018

I would like to join Harri in welcoming you here 

Although sorry to hear that you suspect your daughter has BPD I am glad that you found us, you will find lots of help and support here.

Is your daughter currently living with you?

As Harri says, we look forward to hearing more from you when you feel able to share, you have found a safe place here x 

[Huat]

Hi Penny 2018

I will jump in here, too, with Harri and Feeling Better in welcoming you. 

It does take a while to become familiar on how to navigate around this website and it also takes a while to become comfortable in translating feelings to words.  Just know that whatever you start to share is resonating with others here.  You are certainly not alone.

One of the best things that ever happened to me on this long, long journey with my uBPD daughter was finding this forum.  I sincerely hope that will be the same for you as you share more of your story with us.

Huat

 

[Penny2018]

Thank you all!

She was diagnosed with early-onset Bipolar at age 8 and on and off various meds until she was about 15 when a new psychiatrist determined she didn't fit the criteria for bipolar. She was doing well on Prozac though looking back, a mood stabilizer would have helped.

My husband and I went on vacation in August and she decided not to take her medication consistently. We came home to her suicidal, drinking cough syrup, crying she wanted to die. She had broken up with her boyfriend and quit her job. Its been five weeks of hell trying to get her back to being stable.

She came to me recently and said she thought she fit the description of Borderline Personality Disorder and when I began reading about it, she really does have most, if not all, of the attributes.

Unfortunately, in the midst of all this, her boyfriend decided her mood swings and erratic behavior was too much to handle and he broke up with her. Now she's completely broken hearted and not eating.

I am wondering if a residential treatment facility would be our best bet. I cannot carry her emotional load by myself and her behavior has made my husband feel so disrespected that he ignores her or doesn't interact with her at all.

Thank you for your thoughts, advice, help. I am feeling so alone.
Penny

[Hyacinth Bucket]

hi Penny2018,

I am so sorry you're going through all of this. I hope that you will feel less alone here. Being among people who really understand has helped me a lot.

I know what you mean about not being able to  handle the emotional load by yourself. Does she have a therapist? Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) is the treatment for borderline. There are some really good books; the one I like the best is called Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.

I have also found that having my own therapist who is well versed in borderline has been a lifesaver.

I think if your daughter is willing to do it, residential treatment would be worth looking into. One that provides DBT as part of the treatment would be ideal.

It's good that your daughter recognizes her symptoms enough to identify herself as borderline. Self awareness is really important for people with BPD getting better.

I hope you'll keep posting. We are here for you!

Sending hugs  

[Daisy123]

Hello Penny18,
I agree with you, working alone as the only caregiver of someone with BpD is darn near impossible. I also agree with HB, finding a therapist for your D who has a background with BPD and DBT would be helpful. Finding a solid residential treatment center with a strong background with DBT could help your D if she’s open to it. Many therapists do not like nor will work with people who have BPD because it’s such a challenge. If your D allows you to, interview the therapist first.

What has helped me tremendously are the tools found on this sight, rereading many of the workshops and some YouTube videos by Marsha Linehan and Steve Fruzzetti- both specialize in BPD.

I have assembled a team to help me, my DD’s BPD... .her psychiatrist, my own therapist (who works very closely with my DD20’s therapist), my DDs therapist (who has gotten DD to agree that I can speak with therapist when times are really tough) and her family doctor. All 3 work closely with DD’s insurance advocate so if residential (we admitted her when she was 16. She admitted herself to 2 residential treatment center at age 19 and then again at age 20) is necessary, they speak with insurance advocate on DD’s behalf.

I’m so sorry that you’ve had 5 weeks of struggle. My H vacillates between avoiding DD because of DD’s fast flying insults to wanting DD to move out. It sounds like you are left running the show. There are so many minute to minute decisions one has to make in reference to how one reacts or responds in ‘BPD episodes’ My DD refers to those moments when’s she’s lost it to BPD episodes. And there are plenty. That’s why Inhave my own therapist. My H used to attend, but felt like we were going in circles- and he’s right, we circle back to behaviors again and again. But having my own therapist has helped me tremendously. I need a safe space to think things through while considering next steps. I also need that space to reflect on my own life, developing my own values, setting limits and so on while holding myself
accountable. That part, being honest and owning my stuff is really tough and so personal. I’m glad that I’ve developed a trusting relationship with my therapist.

Then, there’s this place, thank goodness for this site. This place is where most of my learning and support comes from. It’s here where I find parents who’ve experienced some of the same things... .My DD has outlier behavior, typical of BPD, but talking with parents who don’t have kids like mine- ugh... .Sharing withnthem hasn’t been helpful.

Keep coming back with your questions and your experiences.
We are here for you