Pain is the best teacher

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I felt compelled to compose this- especially for those struggling with what I struggled with, just over a year ago.

My only regret after the fact is not having gone NC sooner.

July of 2017 was not a fun time for me. I was a train wreck. I felt like someone I was devoted to, loved dearly, and would protect and shelter endlessly had punched me in the stomach. Our two year relationship had come to a halt with but a simple series of text messages.

My only regret is not going NC sooner.

When I decided to pour myself into strengthening my body, and find someone who reciprocates the way I feel for them, my life entered a new chapter. I'm better now. Physically, I'm in better shape than I've ever been. Mentally, I am what I used to be and thought not to be salvageable- happy.

Whoevers reading and hurting, I promise you with the utmost sincerity: in time you will be just fine. If you want to be back with your ex or simply acquainted with them once more, that's fine. Take it from me: just wait though. Focus on YOU for now. If this person falls into your lap at a later date, no worries. If not, no worries. Just stop giving a ___ about the why fors and the what ifs and do your own thing. This is what I wish I could've told myself 15months ago.

Take it from me- someone who wasn't alright before, but is now

[Sargeras]

I felt compelled to compose this- especially for those struggling with what I struggled with, just over a year ago.

My only regret after the fact is not having gone NC sooner.

July of 2017 was not a fun time for me. I was a train wreck. I felt like someone I was devoted to, loved dearly, and would protect and shelter endlessly had punched me in the stomach. Our two year relationship had come to a halt with but a simple series of text messages.

My only regret is not going NC sooner.

When I decided to pour myself into strengthening my body, and find someone who reciprocates the way I feel for them, my life entered a new chapter. I'm better now. Physically, I'm in better shape than I've ever been. Mentally, I am what I used to be and thought not to be salvageable- happy.

Whoevers reading and hurting, I promise you with the utmost sincerity: in time you will be just fine. If you want to be back with your ex or simply acquainted with them once more, that's fine. Take it from me: just wait though. Focus on YOU for now. If this person falls into your lap at a later date, no worries. If not, no worries. Just stop giving a ___ about the why fors and the what ifs and do your own thing. This is what I wish I could've told myself 15months ago.

Take it from me- someone who wasn't alright before, but is now

[Zemmma]

Thank you for the hope! That's truly great for you. Of course it is possible right? I am trying so hard to get there.

Does not help when they interfere. But I will keep trying.

Best to you!

[Cromwell]

Hi Sargeras

Congrats on your recovery.

If you want to be back with your ex or simply acquainted with them once more, that's fine.

For myself, it had to get to that point of differentiating between "wanting" and "needing"

There felt so many times I needed her in my life, it felt somehow wrong for her not to be. I think if I could have seperated what I felt I wanted and what I needed, it could have been easier to have dealt with.

In the long term, I discovered that far from needing, let alone wanting, she had been and would have highly likely posed as a destructive element in my life.

It was NC and time apart, to recover and along with what you say - time to focus properly on myself, do other things, that helped me move on and lose the want/need thoughts that had somehow embedded themselves in my psyche.

Again well done moving on from this

[Sargeras]

Hi guys!

@Zemma-

It absolutely is possible! The hardest part about getting back to a normal, pain-free state of mind post breakup is the time factor. It took me almost 9 months to begin feeling a lot better. One day I just woke up and realised I had been feeling much more calm and stable the past few weeks. It was hands down the worst few months of my life after we split- but all of the ___ty feelings are gone now. I no longer care if we never see each other again, and I promise you will feel the same way! Acceptance of what is, especially fresh after the split, is a place a lot of people aren't ready to go to. But if I could do it over again, I would've gone NC immediately. Just believe me, it'll take time but you will feel soo much better. Hang in there, friend!

@Cromwell-

I hear what you're saying 100%. In a lot of ways, NC is just a factory reset for yourself. Once you step back and clear your head, the toxicity of what was just becomes so much more apparent. Given my own circumstances, I've recently observed what kind of person my ex has revealed herself to be. Looking back on it now, I'm happy I dodged a bullet. That whole relationship was perpetuated by my pity for her and wanting to care for her. I got walked on, friends and coworkers noticed that pretty quickly. But yeah like you said, time apart did the trick. Times definitely your ally. Glad to hear you're out of the woods, too

[Zemmma]

I can not apply the term "dodged a bullet" to my exBPD male.

I took several of them to the chest, and he'd just let me bleed... or he'd let me bleed for a while, then rescue me,  nurse me back to health, only to shoot me in the chest again.

[Educated_Guess]

Hi Sargeras!  Thanks for sharing this.  I am working through my own recovery and it is good to hear from those who are farther down the path.  Congrats to you for taking control of your life!

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Sargeras it's great to hear from you, especially with your message of hope for others here. 

It's wonderful to hear that you're doing well.  Did you start a new relationship?

Love and light x