For weeks now, she initiated the contact PART 2

[Depression = 72% of members]

my advice would be to simply give her a wide berth.

you have your stuff back, right?

theres nothing more to discuss. no more fights to be had.

dont approach her or try to help her. if she starts in on you, ignore it. let it roll off your back. dont react.

if she keeps it up, tell her to shove it, no less, no more.

i did get my things back, after returning to my truck in the pouring rain, i retreived it while also yelling some very choice words. i think her and her friend were actually two cars down and probably heard me saying said choice words. I'm still on the fence on whether to quit or not. yes, i am passionate about this association. is it worth me staying just so everyone has to be exposed to absolute hell every meeting or event? no. as it stands, i did not go to the event last night that i was signed up for. mostly because it wasn't a bright idea to go there when i was upset. everybody even her own friend is getting tired of her treating people like garbage and complete strangers so nicely. then all the stuff her friend told me about her abusive ex causing a episode because he wouldn't come over so she blacked out and was pissed so she was just going to drive down to his house. while her friend says she's still with the new guy she left me for when i went to work a couple months ago.her friend said she went to a institute to get help but they told her she would have to voluntarily sign herself over for treatment and she didn't want to so she left. Do i try to stick it out in the association and see if she comes around to accepting me, or should i just drop it completely and rejoin after she graduates? I don't know what to do, but i can't be bullied every time i try to help my community and my organization. i will not react or jade. has this relationship reached its end?

[whiteknight4152]

my advice would be to simply give her a wide berth.

you have your stuff back, right?

theres nothing more to discuss. no more fights to be had.

dont approach her or try to help her. if she starts in on you, ignore it. let it roll off your back. dont react.

if she keeps it up, tell her to shove it, no less, no more.

i did get my things back, after returning to my truck in the pouring rain, i retreived it while also yelling some very choice words. i think her and her friend were actually two cars down and probably heard me saying said choice words. I'm still on the fence on whether to quit or not. yes, i am passionate about this association. is it worth me staying just so everyone has to be exposed to absolute hell every meeting or event? no. as it stands, i did not go to the event last night that i was signed up for. mostly because it wasn't a bright idea to go there when i was upset. everybody even her own friend is getting tired of her treating people like garbage and complete strangers so nicely. then all the stuff her friend told me about her abusive ex causing a episode because he wouldn't come over so she blacked out and was pissed so she was just going to drive down to his house. while her friend says she's still with the new guy she left me for when i went to work a couple months ago.her friend said she went to a institute to get help but they told her she would have to voluntarily sign herself over for treatment and she didn't want to so she left. Do i try to stick it out in the association and see if she comes around to accepting me, or should i just drop it completely and rejoin after she graduates? I don't know what to do, but i can't be bullied every time i try to help my community and my organization. i will not react or jade. has this relationship reached its end?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[whiteknight4152]

so i talked with my therapist yesterday. she brought up some good points. she thinks i should stay within the organization. she thinks this is good preparation for dealing with these sort of issues later on when i'm starting my career. the problem is, is that i want to focus all my efforts on this and give it my all. i do not like quitting and i'm not one for half-a**ing things. thats the problem im having. im a full time college student, a part timer worker, a avid gym goer, and prep all my meals on top of mainting a social life. the last thing i want to do in my spare time is go to these events just to be bullied the whole time and be mentally clouded for the week after. i can't do that, it'll be the death of me. so, what we talked about was doing the requirements to be in the association this semester, and just go when there is a high chance she WONT be there. and get my service hours and be done for this semester. then, after she graduates this semester, i can put all my efforts into this without worrying about my mental fortitude being exposed. One thing that bothered me was when she returned my things (in the pouring rain) all my stuff was in there including a book of my dads that meant a great deal of him, and i would always read it as well as his notes at her house. now, she was fully aware that if i hadn't got there in time, all that stuff would've been wet and ruined. that hurts me knowing she would do that to someone who did nothing but love her full heartedly. she also got me a limited edition pair of star wars shoes made by inkka and they only made so many pairs. i wanted to say thank you. because even if she is going to act sour, i know in my heart who i am and i needed to thank her. so i texted her while with my therapist and i texted her "thank you for the gift, that was very kind of you" she replied, "idk what you're talking about." I replied, " for the shoes you got for me. you didn't have to do that for me, but you did. thank you. and she replied "you're welcome" i really don't know where things are right now other than frayed... as far as i know she's still back with the ex while with the other new guy. she's been having a lot of episodes due to her abusive ex and she still goes to him. i don't know anymore. i really hope she gets some help, because if she doesn't this lifestyle and attidude is going to lead to her demise. all i want is for her to be that cheery girl i fell in love with and the girl i saw that first night we started talking again back in june- she was radiating. i pray every night she finally swallows her pride and asks for help, then hopefully we can sqaure out our issues and move forward. but right now, it feels like all hope is lost for this love.

[jukeboxhero]

Hello, I’ve been following your story for a little while and can relate. Here's my 2 cents, that I have to tell myself. You want her to get help, because you genuinely care about her, despite how terribly she’s treated you. She’s only going to get better, when she wants to. This probably won’t happen until she hits rock bottom, and her coping mechanisms stop working.

You were wondering why she went back to her abusive ex. I read something that might help. They feel inherently toxic and unlovable on a subconscious level. So, when they’re being abused, they feel validated on that level. When you treat her in a kind and caring manner, she feels invalidated on that level. It’s sad, and it’s sick, but that’s how they are.

[whiteknight4152]

after the "you're welcome" text, she messaged me the next night saying, " if you know anyone who wants to buy my ticket (austin city limits) let me know. I cant f***ing sell it i've tried. After all that BS she put me through leading up to this, i definitely didn't even have to respond. However, being the person i am, i texted back. " ill ask around for you. Childish gambino broke his foot. she said "alright thank you" &  "he'll be fine". i responded telling her how Lil wayne was going to be replacing him at the festival. and she said "yeah i saw that" so i left it at that.

i went to work the next day and told the guys what she texted me and they couldn't believe she had the nerve to send that to me after treating me like dogsh*T days before. I didn't care, i know what kind of person i am and what i needed to do. i went on stubhub, and put the ticket on there. sold within 2 mins. so she must've not tried very hard. i texted her, "Hey there, got the ticket sold. I’ll need to get it at your earliest convenience so I can ship it out!
   her: I’m in town until 2. I have it in my car
   And thank you. And I’m sorry.
me:
   I’m at work at the moment; I’m gonna leave after this job is done. So I’ll text you.
   & you’re welcome, anytime.
Her:
   Loved “& you’re welcome, anytime. ”
then i called her when i was getting close and she h and we talked for a while and i she said she had her little brother for the weekend and was babysitting for her mom ( he's autistic) and she was saying she didn't know how he was going to be or how she was going to be with him since shes been having frequent episodes. i wasnt able to meet her that day since she had to leave to get him. but i just told her that i needed it by friday to ship it out and whatever is easiest for her. and since then, she's been friendly and sending me pictures of her brother and other random things. i am staying in sna and now that she is splitting me white again, this should be good for that area i'm in. i'm planning on meeting her tomorrow, i told her, ive got the house to myself. you're busy as f*** i know, but i can make dinner one night. invitation is always open  . she replied, "not much for eating lately. but thanks. i replied, always here for you. and left it at that. i know my role, and it's not one that is going to be mean to her just because she is to me . she's doing it because she needs help and it is a sign of her own issues not mine. i love this girl, and if i can keep her friendly and help her when she's down, i'll do it. obviously, romantic relationship is not in my eye right now with her or anyone else. she has her plate full and the last thing is another relationship. when she graduates, maybe things can be different and she'll be less stressed. what do you all think?
   

[CryWolf]

HEY bro, how’s everything going so far? Anymore texting? How you holding up btw

Your last interactions with her come off as confident and strong than previous when you first joined us. You’ve been making lots of improvements and I’m sure others can agree with me here.