New Member: BPD husband, and I'm overwhelmed

[happyleeloo]

Hi everyone - I'm a new member and am looking forward to interacting with and learning from other people that are dealing with the daily craziness that I am.  My husband has BPD, but is unaware of his diagnosis.  He spends most of his time blaming his frustrations on me and our two kids, and I spend most of my time trying to keep the household from imploding.  Our kids are both young - 4 and 5 - and in addition to his BPD, everyone in the household has ADHD, including me, so my day-to-day life is fairly chaotic and exhausting.  I spend a lot of time feeling alone and overwhelmed so I am excited to interact with others who I can be frank with and will understand what I'm going through. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi happyleeloo and welcome to the site!  I am glad you found us but so sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.  It certainly sounds like you have your hands full and it makes sense that you are feeling overwhelmed.

As you read and participate here you will find that you are not alone, far from it in fact.  We can support you as you learn more about the disorder and learn some skills and tools that can make things easier for you.

What do you find the most problematic in terms of dealing with your husbands behaviors? 

I hope to hear more from you soon.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi happyleeloo, joining Harri in welcoming you!

As Harri said you are far from alone. Please explore the boards and post on threads from members with similar problems. Childcare is an issue that comes up all the time here.

I am one of those members. My kids are 5 (son) and 2 (daughter). My son has been described as ADHD by our counselor, and our daughter is, well, 2. Having a spouse with BPD traits is often like having a third child and no one to help.

Please share about some of your husband's common behavioral patterns and triggers. How do you cope right now, particularly with the kids on the scene? Is anyone else (family, friends) aware of the situation at home?

Sending you strength,
RolandOfEld

[AskingWhy]

Happy, I am sorry you are not getting enough responses to your post, but having a uBPD H is a very, very lonely feeling.

I have been married for over 20 years, and my H does not suspect he has a problem.  As you know, blaming is a real issue for BPDs, and my H blames me for his unhappiness--literally.

Have you used any communication techniques from this site to help your marriage (SET, for instance)?

Knowing your H has BPD is half the struggle.  Now that you know what it is, you can form strategies to reduce the incidents of dysregulation you and your children have to experience.