Just feeling lost from the chaos

[Sadz]

My 15 yr old diagnosed daughter left home. She has now moved in with former friends of ours, created all sorts of chaos by her stories of abuse and beatings, and now these people are slandering us to our former church community, demanding exhorbitant amounts of money and preventing us from being the parents and guardians we need to be for our daughter. They claim she is a perfectly stable normal teenager yet I get weekly calls from her school with concerns and problems. Will she ever act out with them? How can I continue to help her? What do I need to know? I truly am struggling to keep my head up. I have recently been diagnosed with depression from all this and am getting therapy but I feel lost

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hi there Sadz,

I’m so sorry to hear of what you are going through right now 

You say that your 15 yr old daughter left home, was this recently? What caused her to move out? How awful that she is telling lies to your ex friends who took her in, I do understand how frustrating this must all be for you, especially with them thinking that she is a perfectly normal and stable teenager. My son is much older than your daughter, undiagnosed, but definitely has traits, I have witnessed his behaviour yet my mother who hasn’t, doesn’t believe that there is anything wrong with him, so I know how it feels to be invalidated in this way.

Are you in contact with your daughter?

I am pleased for you that you are getting therapy for your depression, I’m sure you will find it most beneficial x 

[Panda39]

Hi Sadz,

I'm so sorry for what has been going on with your daughter, it sounds awful  

Is the school aware that your daughter has run away? 

Have you tried talking with an attorney to see what your rights are and if there is a way to make her come home?  I image each state has it's own laws regarding runaways.  The other issue here is extortion of money which I would also talk to an attorney about.

Will she ever act out with them? Typically those closest to someone with BPD see the behaviors most often.  So the longer she is there likely they will see it.

How can you continue to help her? I think the first thing is getting yourself some legal help to see what legal options you have. Otherwise it seems you aren't able to do much else if she is choosing to live elsewhere and you aren't able to see her.

What led up to her deciding to move out?

I'm really glad you are receiving therapy the extra help is a good thing    Be sure to take care of you through this 

In terms of the lies, as hard as it is, my advice is to just ride it out.  The people that know you won't believe this stuff, some others may believe it at first and realize they're wrong and still others will believe the story and those folks do you really need them in your life?

Hang in there... .this is just now... .things will change.

Panda39