New to Group, some days I just want to run away and never return

[scoven72]

Just found out that my 16 year old is showing signs of BPD.  She can't officially hold the diagnosis until she is 18m but she hold seven of the nine traits.  While it is nice to have answers it also opens up more questions.  

Recovery is a long way away if at all.  

Some days I just want to run away and never return.  Other days I can't imagine life with out her.  My entire family has turned their back on her because it is too difficult to deal with .  So it is just me and her most of the time.  Looking to build boundaries so I stop investing so much energy into the wrong stuff.

Thanks for reading.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[once removed]

hi scoven72, and

While it is nice to have answers it also opens up more questions. 

thats the crux of it all, aint it? its a revelation to learn that there is a name for, and explanations for what we are experiencing, but it sure is a lot to digest.

its a journey really, and im glad you reached out, because a strong support group is really critical, and we can be here to walk with you every step of the way.

what led up to the on hold diagnosis? what are some of the questions on your mind?

[Feeling Better]

Hello scoven72

I would like to join once removed in welcoming you here.

Has your daughter been told of her diagnosis?

I am so sorry to hear that your entire family have turned their back on her, does this mean that they are also not there for you, offering you support?

You say that some days you just want to run away and others you can’t imagine life without your daughter, it’s hard isn’t it? My son is NC (no contact) with me and some days I am glad of that because I am free of the drama and other days I would put up with any amount of drama just to have him in my life again, so I do understand how you are feeling x 

[Only Human]

Hi Scoven72,

I join the others in welcoming you to BPD Family. When you say some days you just want to run away and never return and other days you can't imagine your life without her, I can totally relate to that. My daughter brings out the best and the worst in me.

What led to the diagnosis? My DD25 was diagnosed around age 17, following a hospitalization. I rejected it for a long time after reading how hopeless it all seemed. Her therapist at the time agreed with me that it didn't seem like the right diagnosis so I am playing catch up.

I'm so glad I found BPD Family and I hope you find hope and support here, as I have.

~ OH

[scoven72]

My daughter has been in Therapy for about four and a half years now.  Not really responding to treatment but wanting to get better.  She has been in four in patient hospital stay and about 20 trips to the ER.  Five of those in handcuffs from the police. She has also been on just about every medication out there all at the same time (it feels) and at the maximum level.  Nothing really helps.

We had a great therapist who had a therapy dog and they were working together great.  The therapist died unexpectedly over the summer and she is having a difficult time with grief and bonding with her new therapist due to the fact that she is in the same office. So we are looking for a new therapist that can work with her and she can trust.  Not an easy thing to do.

Last week in the middle of a heated argument she picked up the phone called 911 and said she was feeling suicidal and off the hospital she went.  The doctor on staff was like we have seen her many times before right?  Yes.  Said she had BPD and needs DPT.  Did some research and she fits the mold.  We told her last Thursday.  She is scared but wants to get better so open to receiving help.  Just not so sure she can stick with doing the work. I do mindful meditation on the daily and she makes fun of the practice.  But I hope on day she will see the benefits and come to the practice with me. 

This group has already helped me manage  her swings and offer support in a way that she can receive and find help and guidance.  Learning to take baby steps and speak in a way that doesn't trigger her fears of abandonment.

[once removed]

She has been in four in patient hospital stay and about 20 trips to the ER.  Five of those in handcuffs from the police.

that must have been hard to watch. how recently? has she been violent toward you, or are these incidents of self harm?

We had a great therapist who had a therapy dog and they were working together great.  The therapist died unexpectedly over the summer and she is having a difficult time with grief and bonding with her new therapist due to the fact that she is in the same office. So we are looking for a new therapist that can work with her and she can trust.  Not an easy thing to do.

i can imagine. its hard to build that bond, make that progress, and to lose your therapist unexpectedly. it must make her fearful about the process of working with anyone else.
 

This group has already helped me manage  her swings and offer support in a way that she can receive and find help and guidance.  Learning to take baby steps and speak in a way that doesn't trigger her fears of abandonment.

its great that you have found some improvement already, and it sounds like the revelation of BPD can lead you further down that path.

i noticed you mentioned that family has turned their back on her. im wondering how you are holding up. in addition to us, do you have family or friends that youre able to lean on? a therapist?

[scoven72]

that must have been hard to watch. how recently? has she been violent toward you, or are these incidents of self harm?

The last time was last Thursday.  But this happens about ever four to six months.  Gets easy to face as time goes on. She is mean and has the swings but not really violent.  We have had a few horrible moments but not an everyday type of thing. She knows I lover her and would do everything I can to make her happy.  It's just that I am burned out.  What the first rule when you find yourself in a hole... .stop digging.


i can imagine. its hard to build that bond, make that progress, and to lose your therapist unexpectedly. it must make her fearful about the process of working with anyone else.

She is grieving.  Her sister died when she was three so we know how to process grief.  But you have to go though it. So I am working with her to acknowledge the pain and move though it. moment to moment


i noticed you mentioned that family has turned their back on her. im wondering how you are holding up. in addition to us, do you have family or friends that youre able to lean on? a therapist

We have done some family therapy and I am doing mindful mediation with a church group which has been very helpful.  Tring to be present and lead with love.

[Feeling Better]

Hi scoven72,

You are a very loving mom and you are doing the very best that you can under extremely difficult circumstances. May I say how very sorry I am to hear that you lost a daughter when your BPD daughter was three, what a dreadful thing for you to go through.

scoven72, you said that your daughter is wanting to get better which is great. While reading what you wrote about mindful meditation, it put me in mind of a book that I have read. It is called The Buddha and the Borderline by Kiera Van Gelder, it is about her journey to recovery through DBT and meditation. Do you think that your daughter might like to read it? I can definitely recommend it x 

[scoven72]

Feeling better,

Thanks for the reference.  My struggle is finding her willingness to follow though.  It is touch and go.  When she gets something it will usually stick but it takes a while to get there.