Am I foolish to hope?

[ScubaBear]

Twenty-five days after our abrupt breakup, waiting for her to “flip” back to “Miss Jekyll” and continue our dream life together, my nightmare began.

Has anyone been arrested (my first time ever) for a fictitious allegation of strangulation and battery when the only physical (and verbal) abuse in the relationship was by your girlfriend?  I was so confused and in shock during my 3 days and 2 nights in jail. What just happened? How did she have marks on her neck? Why did she do this? (Fortunately, I have evidence that her claims never occurred, but waiting for justice through the court system is excruciatingly painful.)

Of course, this wasn't the first time she "flipped". There have been numerous times in our relationship and more frequent in the past few months, but 25 days was a record.

Now, 75 days into my tribulation (100 days since the breakup), I’m beginning to uncover the answers to why my cherished life with her flipped upside down and shattered to pieces. Weeks of research and reading numerous books has led me to believe the past five years with my ex-girlfriend is a textbook case of a BPD relationship.

I am now struggling . . . struggling to let go of the hope . . . the hope of waking from this nightmare and creating the nurturing relationship we have both wanted based on my new knowledge of skills and techniques used to have a “successful” BPD relationship. 

I'm in search of an answer to the question “Am I foolish to hope?” when everyone in my life is telling me to run and never look back.  My heart continues to resist this advice and I am asking for your expertise to make a wise decision.

Has anyone had success starting over and developing a healthy and positive life together, after a traumatic break-up?

(I understand it will not be an easy road to navigate and it will take a significant amount of time, effort, treatment, and commitment from us both)

Thank you for reading and for any advice you may have.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

Your desire to not let go of hope is understandable.  It's a long way to get from where you are to where you want to be, and depends on her, which is entirely out of your control.  The highest priority is always safety.  Can you give us more details on her physical abuse of you?  Is she receiving any therapy or help that might influence her behavior in a healthy way?

RC