Just arriving - first post

BPD Post

I haven’t gotten to see the board(s) yet to get a sense of cadence, post length, tone, etc. But as you all probably know, the first and only option upon joining is to “post”.

Married to wife for over 22 years, didn’t understand until last few months what *this is* that has had me absolutely bewildered and feeling awful about myself and the world around me all these years. 5 years ago (only because of crisis/her sons death), my wife went to DBT IOP and later - meeting groups, I opted to supportively also go to weekly DBT group meetings, continuing for over a year and half (which was super helpful). It wasn’t until just a few months ago that I learned that DBT was developed for BPD! Thought I was just learning new general life skills while my wife went to therapy.

Fast forward to present-day in summary: I go to counseling now weekly to deal with “spouse w/BPD”, while she doesn’t do anything. She stays home all day, doesn’t work, plays the victim role constantly, blames, plays martyr, and constantly seeks attention - while I shoulder the loads of providing our sole income and keeping the household running. Also only recently came to learn my role in enabling her to more and more progressively play the weak victim role, and - at this point - not really sure I have the stomach to go through the turmoil of right-siding it all. I already feel very distant (which of course she describes as “my fault”). My fear is that the way out (divorce) would be just awful and financially devastating, but if I thought I could do so without that drama and ‘financial devastation’ I just might. So for now, giving this one last try and hoping affectionate feelings and a sense of bond might return. Hard to even type that as I’m just not ‘feeling it”



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