I decided to set a boundary with my two daughters (one dwBPD the other has OCD and may also have BPD) after I was verbally abused and made to feel like I was a horrible person for asking them for help when their dad got sick. I have already shared my story about that in this forum so I won't repeat it but I am having a hard time with how to move forward. My eldest is now pregnant and she cut me off recently. The other has not cut me off but she hasn't spoken to me since I called her on her abusive behaviour towards me. What I am struggling with is that they still communicate with their dad but have not made any effort to repair their relationship with me. I'm hesitant to want to contact them because I don't want them to think that it means they can continue to behave that way towards me but I also feel that if I don't connect with them and try to work towards some sort of a solution that I am failing them. Or am I abandoning myself and my values if I do that?
My birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and I feel like I am setting myself up for being hurt because a part of me is hoping they will do the right thing and wish their mom a happy birthday, which can open the door to communication, but if they don't then it will break my heart even more.
I just don't know how to proceed or when to proceed talking to them? Do I just keep waiting indefinitely, hoping they will want to reach out or do I reach out sooner than later and check in to see how they are and if there is a way to bring some understanding to this situation? They are both adults with lives of their own and as much as I love and miss them they are old enough to know right from wrong and I guess that is where I am struggling because they are showing me they don't know right from wrong and I may be waiting a long time before they do.
With my daughter who is pregnant, I never imagined that I would be sitting here feeling so hurt and disappointed that I am not able to be their for her as she embarks on this journey. She took what could have been such a special time in our lives (hers and mine) and basically threw it away like all the love and energy I put into my relationship with her meant nothing. Now I am disposable? Even if she does come around at some point the damage is done and that moment is lost forever. That broke me and I don't feel like I can ever have the kind of relationship where I can trust her with my heart again.
