New here and looking for support

[fiveringleader]

Hi y'all. I'm a mom of 5 (23,20,25,14,14) and my middle daughter has MDD, GAD, OCD, and emerging BPD traits. In September, at 14, she made a very serious suicide attempt (which seemed out of the blue to us at the time) that landed her in the ICU, followed by adolescent inpatient. Since then, she has done a PHP program, 13 weeks in Skyland Trail, Skyland Trail's PHP program, and various therapy. She's on several medications, none of which seem to be helping a whole lot.
I was very hesitant to accept the BPD diagnosis because it seems so scary. My father was diagnosed decades ago with BPD (untreated) and it presents very differently in him — although after lots of research, I think his is more likely a NPD. Anyway, after a ton of reading, I realize that my kiddo does have several traits of BPD, they just don't show up as violent rages or abusive behavior. She loathes herself, has been self-harming (without our knowledge) for several years, becomes very attached and dependent on specific people. She has dissociative episodes and trouble with chronological memory — often combining conversations over several years into one conversation that never actually happened. She's also worried that people are watching her and says she has voices in her head that tell her to do things although she's very clear that these are not actual voices. She's not hearing things in other words.
She lives with constant suicidal ideation and self-harm and often says she doesn't even want to get better. She says she doesn't want to stop self-harming because in addition to providing a release it also feels like the punishment she deserves for being a "bad person."
My kiddo has identical twin sisters just 16 months younger and she has a major problem with one of them that we can't get to the bottom of... she's obsessed with hating her and then promptly tries to be best friends. Three healthy teenage girls is a lot to deal with but I've got one with serious mental health issues and two others who at the very least are dealing with longterm trauma. Though my husband and I had no idea that our kiddo was struggling until September, her sisters have known for years. They didn't tell us because our kiddo had them convinced that we would make everything worse. Not to worry, EVERYONE is in therapy now.
I'm just here for support and any information that other parents have about things that have helped move the needle for their kids. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[JsMom]

Fiveringleader,
Welcome, you will find support and encouragement here from others who truly understand. What is so clear by your post is that you are a loving and involved Mom. I have an adult son wubpd so my current situation is much different. His years from teen to young adult were very turbulent with running away, self harm suicidal thoughts, bullying, violent relationships.... All that to say he has a younger brother who has lived in the wreckage and fallout. It's admirable that you have the whole family in therapy.  As far as moving the needle I'd say take care of yourself too. Whatever gives you stress relief make time for it. Also, continue to share your struggles and worries here.
I'll be praying for you and your family. 

[Pook075]

Hello and welcome to the family!  I'm so sorry you're going through this and I've been where you're at.  My BPD daughter is now 27 but I remember those early teenage years like they were yesterday.

First, don't worry so much about BPD or NPD.  They overlap on the spectrum and most will have traits in both categories.  With that said, there's traditional and non-traditional (quiet) BPD, and they do display quite differently.  I know because my ex-wife fell in the latter caregory while my oldest kid was traditional.

My biggest question is how we can support you personally- what are a few of the things that are the biggest challenges day to day?  Talk that out a little bit.  Also, know that mental illness is a family disease because it affects everyone in the home, especially at 14.  It's great that all of you are in therapy and hopefully you realize that this is not your fault.

Please ask the tough questions, rant away when you need to, and let us know how we can help!  You are not alone in this anymore.