Adult son with BPD

[CPH73]

This is my first post.  I have a 38 year old son that I believe has BPD.  He has many of the symptoms I have read about.  He cannot hold a job and either quits or is fired.  It is always "their" fault never his own.  He has veery intense views (especially political) and if people don't conform to his way of thinking they are stupid.  He has trouble managing money and makes poor decisions.
My son is on the west coast and we live in North Carolina on the east coast and we only see him about once a year.  I have never broached the subject of a personality disorder and have read that i shouldn't start that conversation.  He will be coming home for Christmas and I certainly don't want him to be anxious, or defiant.  Whhen he is athome with us he tends to socially drink too much at which time he can be quite entertaining.  He drinks beer one after the other until he falls asleep.  I am all for not having a "cocktail hour" while he is here but my husband is not on the same page as I am with this diagnosis.  My husband enjoys having a drink after a long day and I don't think he would be in favor of not enjoying a beverage.  Our son is very opinionated and sees his views as thhe only logical ones.  He will not take any advice from us and does not take criticism well.  He has trouble forming and keeping relationships mainly because he is so oppinionated and obstinate.  He lives alone with his little dog (who means the world to him) I think he has thought suicidal  thoughts but because of the dependency of his dog he would not act on it but it is a constant concern of mine.  I just wanted to reach out and see if anyone else might have any suggestions on how to deaal with this.  He doesn't have anny legal problems that we know of but he is very closed mouth and doesn't volunteer much information.  He keeps his life very close to the vest and doesn't want to share any personal information with us so we are mostly in the dark to his thoughts.  He doesn't seem to know what hee wants out of life as far as his future is concerned.  At the present time we are helping him out finanncially or he would be on the street.  He says he hates the south and doesn't want to come back this way.  I just appreciate the opportunity to reach out and discuss this all with someone.  Thank you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders