13 year old son starting to show cracks, possible BPD from mother.

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hoo boy, when you've been on BPDFamily long enough you're no longer talking about your wife/ex, now it's your child. So long story short, "Kim" was diagnosed with BPD and spent years asking me to date her or marry her and I consistently refused citing her mental health - eventually she claimed to be dying of catastrophic drug-induced liver failure and not wanting to die alone (I was a moron, I know, I know) so I married her because alright, why not...turns out of course she wasn't actually dying, anyways, we had a kid, some misadventures, I caught her acting out on our kid what her father had done to her and laid down the law for her, when I caught her again much later I phoned 9-1-1 and we split up.

As it stands right now, she has majority custody and I have holidays/summers (we live quite a distance from each other); long story short her father was a MAP, her best friend in her teens and 20s was a MAP with a mother-son fetish, and then the guy she began hanging out with after I phoned 9-1-1 and we split...yeah, I won't go into details except to say he's in prison and you might've read about his case. Obviously our son was not unaffected by this environment; he has PTSD (technically he has Complex-PTSD but due to the connotations they're hesitant to label it that), he's been suspended from school dozens of times including for threatening school shootings, etc.

Anyways, we do Zoom calls three times a week when he's not here - and he's fine on all of them, showing me tricks he taught his gerbil, nerf guns, one piece books, whatever - just acting like a kid with his Dad. And when he's HERE on holidays or summer he's fine other than a few rough days of adjustment (Mom has no rules, Dad has rules - adjustment is to be expected) - he was here for March Break, ten days, didn't curse or lose his temper even once, planned a hike for this summer that he seemed excited about and discussed on subsequent Zooms and whatnot.

But occasionally, either at midnight or at like 1pm on a schoolday (when he SHOULDN'T be online) at his mother's house he'll send me alarming emails - I usually manage to soothe him somewhat with my experience caring for his mother and such, but for example here is today's.

"Even if 5% of the time im free like in a 3 hour free range parenting time or fort time the other 95% scares me what could you do shove me push me hit me the same things others did You psychologically cant recognize it but your mental health makes you illusion the truth All moms friends agree, Mom agrees Everything about trauma agrees ita just an effect and i dont care what you have to say im not believing anything from you anymore i already have no trust in you anymore and everyone else who i do trust and all moms friends. Everything points to you being wrong I have absolutely no reason to believe anything you say it means nothing against the word of every human who researches it Actually knows it most of the books you read are old conceptions PTSD was hardly understood until about the 2010s Every media source Every psychologist Mom (who doesnt have mental disabilities other then ptsd) I know this wont change your decision When i get a voice or maybe turn 18 im suing for the trauma you put me through Firstly for being a dumbass Granny Gramps Grams and Papa everyone didnt think you should have gone to detroit fifteen years ago You dont follow authority and dont understand the difference between right and wrong And secondly for continuing to trigger my PTSD then mock it After that im getting a maximum authority Restraining order against you because God knows what kind of a stalker you will become if you lose rights to see us I've begun throwing away anything sent by you im trying to live a life not a twisted lab test Nothing you try will work I,ll go farther to never go on these trips then anything you could even emphasize I dont care what connections i have to ruin what crimes i have to commit what i have to do what laws or sins i have to break I,ll go to any extent to avoid this Even if it means destroying the foundation i have i can build it back up effortlessly Nothing i have means more then getting rid of you Even if that means forcefully running away at the handoff into god knows where and starting a life with nothing I,ve accessed the dark web dozens of times and may hire a hitman if this misery continues God wont do anything Society wont do anything so ill have to do it myself even if it means crimes sins or everything I own destroyed I dont want anything to do with you and i never will Even if you change As soon as I can im cutting all ties If i ever get into any inescapable situation I even researched seppuku for an emergency where i have no other option Two nerves I have to burst and then it will slide right off This is not a desperate attempt at stopping the trip That im already in the process of Just explaining how i feel and what i truly do to get rid of you"

(his mother and I had a remarkably horrible experience in Detroit when he was a toddler, left it when he was 4 but his mother wants to play it off as "THAT" is the reason for all his emotional disturbance - not the molestation and boundary-crossing and adultification, etc)

Now it's important to note he's tested above average IQ, in Gifted & Talented class, this isn't how he speaks or writes normally - he gets something in him and suddenly this all pours out like this onto the page. Obviously some of the wording appears to be parroting his mother but I'm not sure how to properly handle this - all the DBT acronyms seem to escape me when trying to deal with a 13 year old who has the mind of a 16 year old but suddenly reverts to the massive stream-of-consciousness run on sentence.

Would appreciate any advice, these don't come in often - and most likely he'll get on Zoom with me in an hour and be totally fine and laughing about favourite hockey teams or misadventures or games he's playing, etc...there's such an eerie disconnect between typing what's above, and then being totally fine - but as his mother once testified to a judge (unwisely, yikes) "You know how Bipolar is like a few weeks of manic euphoria and then a few weeks of suicidal depression? While I cycle between those two extremes 5-6 times daily every day of my life".

Where he's 13 I'd LIKE to get some early intervention here, though am somewhat handicapped as the backup parent right now (petitioning court to reverse decision-making etc)

[PearlsBefore]

Hoo boy, when you've been on BPDFamily long enough you're no longer talking about your wife/ex, now it's your child. So long story short, "Kim" was diagnosed with BPD and spent years asking me to date her or marry her and I consistently refused citing her mental health - eventually she claimed to be dying of catastrophic drug-induced liver failure and not wanting to die alone (I was a moron, I know, I know) so I married her because alright, why not...turns out of course she wasn't actually dying, anyways, we had a kid, some misadventures, I caught her acting out on our kid what her father had done to her and laid down the law for her, when I caught her again much later I phoned 9-1-1 and we split up.

As it stands right now, she has majority custody and I have holidays/summers (we live quite a distance from each other); long story short her father was a MAP, her best friend in her teens and 20s was a MAP with a mother-son fetish, and then the guy she began hanging out with after I phoned 9-1-1 and we split...yeah, I won't go into details except to say he's in prison and you might've read about his case. Obviously our son was not unaffected by this environment; he has PTSD (technically he has Complex-PTSD but due to the connotations they're hesitant to label it that), he's been suspended from school dozens of times including for threatening school shootings, etc.

Anyways, we do Zoom calls three times a week when he's not here - and he's fine on all of them, showing me tricks he taught his gerbil, nerf guns, one piece books, whatever - just acting like a kid with his Dad. And when he's HERE on holidays or summer he's fine other than a few rough days of adjustment (Mom has no rules, Dad has rules - adjustment is to be expected) - he was here for March Break, ten days, didn't curse or lose his temper even once, planned a hike for this summer that he seemed excited about and discussed on subsequent Zooms and whatnot.

But occasionally, either at midnight or at like 1pm on a schoolday (when he SHOULDN'T be online) at his mother's house he'll send me alarming emails - I usually manage to soothe him somewhat with my experience caring for his mother and such, but for example here is today's.

"Even if 5% of the time im free like in a 3 hour free range parenting time or fort time the other 95% scares me what could you do shove me push me hit me the same things others did You psychologically cant recognize it but your mental health makes you illusion the truth All moms friends agree, Mom agrees Everything about trauma agrees ita just an effect and i dont care what you have to say im not believing anything from you anymore i already have no trust in you anymore and everyone else who i do trust and all moms friends. Everything points to you being wrong I have absolutely no reason to believe anything you say it means nothing against the word of every human who researches it Actually knows it most of the books you read are old conceptions PTSD was hardly understood until about the 2010s Every media source Every psychologist Mom (who doesnt have mental disabilities other then ptsd) I know this wont change your decision When i get a voice or maybe turn 18 im suing for the trauma you put me through Firstly for being a dumbass Granny Gramps Grams and Papa everyone didnt think you should have gone to detroit fifteen years ago You dont follow authority and dont understand the difference between right and wrong And secondly for continuing to trigger my PTSD then mock it After that im getting a maximum authority Restraining order against you because God knows what kind of a stalker you will become if you lose rights to see us I've begun throwing away anything sent by you im trying to live a life not a twisted lab test Nothing you try will work I,ll go farther to never go on these trips then anything you could even emphasize I dont care what connections i have to ruin what crimes i have to commit what i have to do what laws or sins i have to break I,ll go to any extent to avoid this Even if it means destroying the foundation i have i can build it back up effortlessly Nothing i have means more then getting rid of you Even if that means forcefully running away at the handoff into god knows where and starting a life with nothing I,ve accessed the dark web dozens of times and may hire a hitman if this misery continues God wont do anything Society wont do anything so ill have to do it myself even if it means crimes sins or everything I own destroyed I dont want anything to do with you and i never will Even if you change As soon as I can im cutting all ties If i ever get into any inescapable situation I even researched seppuku for an emergency where i have no other option Two nerves I have to burst and then it will slide right off This is not a desperate attempt at stopping the trip That im already in the process of Just explaining how i feel and what i truly do to get rid of you"

(his mother and I had a remarkably horrible experience in Detroit when he was a toddler, left it when he was 4 but his mother wants to play it off as "THAT" is the reason for all his emotional disturbance - not the molestation and boundary-crossing and adultification, etc)

Now it's important to note he's tested above average IQ, in Gifted & Talented class, this isn't how he speaks or writes normally - he gets something in him and suddenly this all pours out like this onto the page. Obviously some of the wording appears to be parroting his mother but I'm not sure how to properly handle this - all the DBT acronyms seem to escape me when trying to deal with a 13 year old who has the mind of a 16 year old but suddenly reverts to the massive stream-of-consciousness run on sentence.

Would appreciate any advice, these don't come in often - and most likely he'll get on Zoom with me in an hour and be totally fine and laughing about favourite hockey teams or misadventures or games he's playing, etc...there's such an eerie disconnect between typing what's above, and then being totally fine - but as his mother once testified to a judge (unwisely, yikes) "You know how Bipolar is like a few weeks of manic euphoria and then a few weeks of suicidal depression? While I cycle between those two extremes 5-6 times daily every day of my life".

Where he's 13 I'd LIKE to get some early intervention here, though am somewhat handicapped as the backup parent right now (petitioning court to reverse decision-making etc)

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Notwendy]

It doesn't sound like something a 13 year old would say or write. Do you think his mother wrote this?

I think a mother would have access to a 13 year old's email, even in "normal" situations as a security check so she could get into it as him.

Teens don't usually write such long paragraphs and this is unusual language for a 13 year old, even a very bright 13 year old. To bring up terms like restraining order, research, hiring a hit man- this isn't a young teen's usual world.

Since he's acting more normal around you, I wonder if he actually wrote these. It sounds more like his mother did.