Christmas again (?!)

[BPDstinks]

Well....despite keeping EXTRA busy & being VERY blessed (we have another grandbaby!) I am starting to get that annual Christmas sadness; my BPD daughter never even responded to my (3rd year on (per her request) minimal contact) Thanksgiving text; I, AGAIN, wrote a Xmas card (my BPD therapist suggested a "light" message (nothing TOO mushy!) and I put one "fun" gift card (Amazon) and 1 practical gift card (grocery store); this year, I am leaving if for her, at my mother's because (so embarassing) she moved & I don't even have an address: I think it is harder this year, because I found a Christmas gift (she loves the Nutcracker) it is a Nutcracker puzzle, I bought for her, right before the "estrangement"; I keep it out EVERY year, thinking THIS will be THE year....in any case, might I ask, does anyone have a similar situation?  I will admit, it is a little easier this year, but, still makes me so sad.....I think it is just a big, fat waste of time, "we" could have together"; I am a "fixer" by nature & I, also, admit, it frustrates me, that I cannot conjure a solution

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[js friend]

Hi Bpdstinks,


I can see that you are struggling. 

Maybe it is the not knowing why your udd has requested limited contact with you and your family but as hard as this is those are her wishes. For years I wanted to know why my udd despised me so much. I asked relatives she was close to, close friends but no-one had answer. Even udd herself didnt have answer. So I blamed myself that I must have done something wrong.

Then I came across bpd and the more I read about bpd I came to realise that my udd has an 8 out of 9 of the traits for bpd and that she has a serious undiagnosed mental illness which often involves difficulties with personal relationships. That explained a lot. There were signs long before I knew anything about bpd and there is a definitely a genetic link in my family. I had to accept it and come to terms with it and let it go to improve my own mental health.

Acceptance has lead me to understand that I did the best I could at the time with the knowledge I had then. Its hard to accept that  my  udd may have just been unlucky and inherited her mental illness. I still feel sad for her that she doesnt experience the everyday joys in life that others do and would change it if I could but as far as I know she sees nothing wrong her life and is happily living her life. She isnt sad. She out there living her best life and she is happy that Iam excluded from it. It is what she wants and wanted for many years and if that makes her happy then Iam happy for her. Try not to take it personally. Hopefully in time your dd may reconnect when she gets the mental help she needs but I wouldnt hold your breath for it. That will just keep you stuck and you still have a life to live!

For now Its possible that your udd may be trying to protect her own mental health by distancing herself from you and her extended family and her wishes must be respected however difficult it is for us to accept.

I think  it is time to focus on this new life and live in the moment. A new grandbaby is  truly a blessing and will bring you so much joy