Are border lines known to poison other people's food?

[Phoenix23]

Hi, my mother in law is taking injectable methotrexate and I'm concerned she is a danger to herself and others - I recently came down with 'food' poisoning but I'm wondering if she contaminated my food.

She has all the characteristics of BPD and admitted at the dinner table that I was going to get poisoned.

She has always been pathologically jealous of me but for 20yrs I was the good little daughter in law rising above the emotional abuse and giving her the benefit of the doubt.

Those days are over, she's psychologically poisoned my life over the last 2 decades and now I'm wondering if she is literally poisoning me too.

Are border lines known to poison other people's food?

I still love my husband but we are separated now and he lives with her. We are trying to rebuild our relationship but she is doing everything in her power to wreck it, as she always has.

 

[Kwamina]

Hi Phoenix23 and welcome to bpdfamily

Dealing with a BPD mother in law can be very challenging and I am glad to see you reaching out for support and advice, especially considering your very specific concerns now.

She has all the characteristics of BPD and admitted at the dinner table that I was going to get poisoned.

What do you think your mother in law was talking about exactly? Was she talking in general about how others might poison you or how our food might be contaminated for various reasons? Or did she explicitly state that she was going to poison you?

The Board Parrot

[Harri]

I would say no it is not a behavior typically associated with BPD.

What makes you think she is doing this?  I imagine it is very scary to feel this might be happening and I am sorry for that.  How is she getting this medication? 

[Tinkerbelle]

My DD admitted she spits in peoples food... .

[Phoenix23]

She said on the day that I got food poisoning that she was getting good at this now and that she had rubbed and rubbed and rubbed the chicken - with spices or just raw onto my plate or cup? I was the only one to get sick . She made numerous references to diarrhoea over those days saying it was the worst thing in the world .

Last week my husband cooked me dinner and she couldn't stand it . So she started trying to wind me up, didn't work, then tried playing the victim, didn't work - then she began to unravel and pointed at the wine bottle and said you are going to end up poisoned! Alcohol poisoning... .My head was spinning by now and I got up and walked out of the room, thinking that's what you did, you put something in the wine that had been left to breathe... .As my husband looked at me and said you know all about that love don't you.

When I returned from the bathroom she was sitting with her head in her hands, completely unraveled. Border lines tell you what they have been up to if you listen closely enough, correct?

Then I'm made to feel like a bad person for bringing it up and stating I feel unsafe... .

[Harri]

As my husband looked at me and said you know all about that love don't you.

Can you explain this?  I am not following what he meant by 'You know all about that love... .'.  Was he calling you love like someone calls a loved one honey?

When I returned from the bathroom she was sitting with her head in her hands, completely unraveled. Border lines tell you what they have been up to if you listen closely enough, correct?

I am not sure this is a generalization that stands up to scrutiny.  Listening carefully can tell you about their feelings.  She may have a fear of food poisoning.  It does not necessarily follow that she is poisoning someone else.   

Having said that, I am not sure I would want to eat at her house any more!  Was she a big part of the reason you and your husband are now separated?

[Phoenix23]

Yes I'm English 'love' is a term of endearment like honey. It was a rare moment of validation, my husband acknowledging what his mother has done to me.

She's been playing me for years, and recently she's been upping the ante, ruining my toothbrush,  doing things that are inconceivable, and yes she is a major reason me and my husband split. She'd called a divorce lawyer in days and blocked access to my possessions and the house I'd paid off the mortgage on - to give her security!

I was always treated like a squatter. We lived together - but I was allowed no choice in menu planning or decoration, I wasn't even allowed a piece of the garden to myself . She took over everything, my marriage included.

I'm learning about boundaries now but it's so hard when someone just wants to walk all over you and annihilate you, takes so much energy to withstand it .

But I don't want to walk away from my 20yr marriage because of her. It seems like such a waste when we shared such a strong love - but mother rules the roost and gets her own way.

It's soul destroying in the end. No contact would be so much easier.

[Harri]

Hi.  Thanks for the explanation.  I couldn't figure it out for the life of me. 

How often do you see her?  Can you limit your visits (definitely including dinners she makes! )  Do you get to spend time with your husband apart from her?  What does he have to say about all of this?  How did your MIL affect your marriage?