first time

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

 
I came home distressed last night after a verbal fight / break-up with a person who I've been romantically involved with over the past few months. Something brought me to a high-conflict personality article while I was searching for help online that made me realise this person has all the traits of BPD. I started to realise that my intense emotional responses and feelings of being in a predictable yet hopeless recurring cycle of conflict with this person has an underlying reason. I was picking up on problems during the very short time we've been involved but not understanding how he could turn so quickly on me over the smallest things, become deeply insensitive, accusatory, talking constantly about his ex and broken marriage in an obsessive way. The confusion and toll on my emotions has been terrible and now, I've walked out on him. I could do with some support to stay calm and not allow my anger at how he's treated me to become overwhelming. I'm guessing I should block contact as he often has an impulsive tirade over text messages? Im so grateful I found the information and this site.

[Cassia]

 
I came home distressed last night after a verbal fight / break-up with a person who I've been romantically involved with over the past few months. Something brought me to a high-conflict personality article while I was searching for help online that made me realise this person has all the traits of BPD. I started to realise that my intense emotional responses and feelings of being in a predictable yet hopeless recurring cycle of conflict with this person has an underlying reason. I was picking up on problems during the very short time we've been involved but not understanding how he could turn so quickly on me over the smallest things, become deeply insensitive, accusatory, talking constantly about his ex and broken marriage in an obsessive way. The confusion and toll on my emotions has been terrible and now, I've walked out on him. I could do with some support to stay calm and not allow my anger at how he's treated me to become overwhelming. I'm guessing I should block contact as he often has an impulsive tirade over text messages? Im so grateful I found the information and this site.

[Beneck]

Hey Cassia! Welcome 

Being involved with a BPD person myself, I can totally understand the toll it takes, it's certainly not easy.

Blocking him is not necessary, I think. If he engages in "vitriol" simply don't engage at all! It's very important not to make matters worse.

If he texts you something offensive, you can respond by saying:

"I can see that you are upset/angry/whatever. I don't want to continue this conversation at the moment" OR "I'm going to check up on you later" (depending on what you want to do) and ingore him for the rest of the day, for instance.

(there's probably a better way to do this, as older members will tell you, but it's important not to engage back!)

 

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Cassia, Welcome!  Your story is a familiar one.  The good thing is that you figured out what was going on at an early stage and are making healthy choices for yourself.  Reducing contact is probably wise; whether you elect to go No Contact is up to you.  In any event, I suggest you decline to respond to any abusive tirades via text message.  Let us know how you're doing, when you get a chance.

LuckyJim