I need to put my foot down and she needs to respect me or I need to leave

[Spam591]

Mod note: This post was split from this thread: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=332166.0

That sounds like a heavy load and it seems that you’re very emotionally charged which is very understandable. I wish that I could help you to find some calm. How can I do that?

What do you think the next best moves are? How should I approach this?

She doesn’t take me seriously. Walks all over my boundaries. I tell her I don’t want a relationship like the one we have. Where she hangs up, emotionally and physically abused me, etc... .but she won’t listen.

I need to put my foot down and she needs to respect me or I need to leave and find a partner who will show me respect.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[JNChell]

Before you make any brash moves, let’s stay here for a bit. I’m with you. I can’t tell you what your next best moves are. Only you can decide that.

The approach, again, is up to you. My best advice is to try to calm yourself and read here. In reading, you’ll form questions and develop thoughts on what is happening. You should bring these insights back here and discuss them.

I’m very sorry that you were abused. Many of us here were as well and we empathize with your pain. We’ve walked in your shoes. 

There is no short term plan to feeling better. I don’t feel good. I’m right beside you. Let’s talk about something. Whatever you want to.

[once removed]

hi Spam591,

Mod note: This post was split from this thread: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=332166.0


What do you think the next best moves are? How should I approach this?

She doesn’t take me seriously. Walks all over my boundaries.

I need to put my foot down and she needs to respect me or I need to leave and find a partner who will show me respect.

i say this with a full understanding of your great frustration, confusion, and hurt in your circumstances as a wife, and i say it to help:

this is a messy sense of what boundaries are and arent, and this approach will further deteriorate your marriage.

before we can make things better, we have to stop making them worse.

leaving, if it comes to that, is an option we can explore in terms of smoothest landings, legalities, etc. but repairing your marriage will take an open mind to a very different approach.

are you up for that?