My adult daughter has been diagnosed with BPD

[K’s mom]

After many years of chaos, my daughter was diagnosed with BPD. She’s also diabetic and a recovering from substance abuse. Her life is extremely chaotic. I’m struggling to cope.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[1hope]

Hi K’s mom,

Welcome to this site.  I think you’ll find a lot of support here.  You are definitely not alone in your struggles.  Can you tell us a bit more about what you are going through?

1hope

[Skip]

Let me join in behind 1hope warm welcome. Welcome to the family.

The diagnosis is good in one sense, it will open the doors to tools and perspective for you. Hopefully that will make the journey easier.

[K’s mom]

I am glad for diagnosis at least it gives the chaotic lifestyle a reason. Where to start. Let’s see, she started very promiscuous behavior after being date raped, from then on it was one loser after another. This started when she was 15 years old. I couldn’t keep her home. I actually had her Locked up twice. The first time was when one of the guys she was with was working on getting her to prostitue herself. Another when she wouldn’t look after her diabetes. 3 years ago she started using serious drugs. It gets too much, the chaos. Right now she has moved to Ontario to be with an ex-boyfriend who has his own mental health issues. Needless to say, the relationship is turbulent. She wants to move back home. I just can’t do it. I can’t deal with her being home again.

[Only Human]

Hi K's mom  

I join others in welcoming you to the family. Many parents here, myself included, will relate to what you've shared, as we are all traveling a similar journey.

I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter was date-raped, and at such a young age. She's been through so much and you, her mother, alongside her, suffering as well.

 

She wants to move back home. I just can’t do it. I can’t deal with her being home again.

I can totally relate to not wanting your daughter back in your home. It's a choice so many parents here are faced with and there are no "one size fits all" solutions as we each have to make decisions that are best for us.

My heart goes out to you, K's mom, you've worked very hard to keep her safe. I'm really glad you've joined us, we can offer support and guidance, tools to help you cope.

How old is your daughter and how long has she been sober?

I look forward to hearing more from you and how we can support you.

Take good care of you,

~ OH

[K’s mom]

She’s 28 years old, has been clean from meth for 2.5 years and other drugs over a year with a couple of relapses.  I’m not sure what’s worse the drugs or mental illness.

[Music Ace]

K's Mom - I'm an Ontario mom with a 28 year old daughter with addiction problems and self diagnosed BPD (although my therapist suggested she may be exhibiting BPD traits/signs too - that's why I'm here).

I have just recently had the discussion that I'm not sure where my daughter's mental health issues end and the substance use and abuse begins and vice versa.

I totally agree with your questioning which might be easier to deal with/handle. It is one I ask myself frequently.

I also understand your intense worry at having her move back home. I have told my husband who is also her father in no uncertain terms do I want to live closer than an hour's drive of her... .for my safety and sanity at this stage of her journey. I do not trust her judgement. When it's a 2-hour drive, she can't get here (she calls it jail anyway ) easily when escalated or high. When angry, the worst she can do is text, email or call our phone and hang up or yell at me. I still have control over how (or IF) I respond to those things because I have the luxury of distance and time and the power to ignore til I'm ready to deal.

Good luck in your decision making process. This is gonna be tough. But be sure to put your own oxygen mask on first! (Take care of YOU first, otherwise you will be no good to anyone!)

Ace

P.s. if she is still clean and suffering in Ontario CAMH in Toronto and outlying areas has some incredible supports ... .but my udD28 tells me they won't treat mental health and addiction (read this as they won't let her step out to smoke weed to '"calm herself").  

[K’s mom]

I live in Alberta, so I get what you are saying about distance. It’s funny too because my daughter called our home jail too. In fact, when help for her addiction was so far away, we did lock her up in the house. With her consent, when the drugs were out of her system she then started outpatient group at the hospital. She contacted her “friend “ had a relapse with cocaine, her psychiatrist got her in treatment, mental health part right away. She just learned inside how to get high on coricidin, a cold medication, that made her blood sugar drop.They kicked her out so back home she came under house arrest again. Random drug tests that included cough medication. I have to say she did great when in lockdown with us, I’m glad I have pictures of her healthy. She had a schedule for her medication and I felt like I had my daughter back. I’m not a psychologist or drug therapist, so of course that was lacking. I have no idea what triggered the relapse but she took off one day and came back home the next morning she stayed home for awhile after that,she went on a week long Bender’s few months after that. She was using cocaine. I probably would have lost her if it was Meth. I should say I’m raising my deceased sons, son. That’s why I really don’t want her back home. I feel like I have done everything I can for her. I truly believe there should b residential treatment for people like her. When the brain is functioning properly then they can live on their own with support.