He's burned his bridges locally and now he's moving 2 hours away for work

[Coldfish]

He says he is gonna move about two hours away. When he told me this I just looked at him for a sec and then I just turned away. He says that anyone that knows me well enough knows that I am thinking so he wanted to know what was on my mind. Of course I would not answer him. He kept trying to get me to talk and asked me what I wanted . I told him I wanted him to start the redbox movie I just went and rented. He asked me to please say something before he loses his $$$$$. He had two angry outbursts but I just looked at him and turned back to the television. I will not talk to him.

Eventually he came and sat down and we start the movie and he keeps looking at me. He tells me I can come and sit next to him on his couch if I want to. I just look at him, staring in his eyes and then back at the television. He looks away and then says fine he won’t go. I get up and then sit with him and tell him I don’t want to be selfish. He goes on about not sitting around and not working. That I will benefit too from this, etc. He says it’s a cash job but if they offer him the job he will move there

Fast forward the next day he tells me he’s going somewhere else to interview. Then he calls and tells me he got the job and he’s gonna move. He asks me to come over in a little to watch a movie and chill. I tell him I don’t think it’s a good idea I hang out anymore. He says he respects that. He then asks me to dog sit which I tell him I will for him until he leaves and can move down there.

I do understand where he is coming from. He is a man. He has his pride. Why ask my opinion though if you already made the choice? If you cared you would have asked before you made the choice.  I feel money isn’t everything and I am not two hours away, I am here. I am worth more than the extra change/ dollars they paying you.

He will have to go it alone. He says I can come and see him it’s only two hours. I will not be coming to see him. He made the choice alone so he can be alone. If he is gonna live like a single man then let him be single.

We don’t really say anything to each other, but I still am over there until he comes and then I leave. He knows how I feel. The air is pretty thick. I can tell he’s thinking and his mood has changed. I told him in the midst of this that I felt he was in “mania” and he should not make important descions when in that state. I asked him if he refilled his meds and he said yes.

I do love him but I cannot support foolishness.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Coldfish]

One might wonder why I never respond to him. Why have a conversation with someone when they are being irrational? That will just aggravate and frustrate me and waste the $1.75 I spent on the Redbox. He will just do what he wants anyways. I will wait until he's rational and then we can have a conversation. By that time he has had time to think and is open to hearing what I have to say. I need for him to hear me. Actually hear me and understand what I am saying.

When we do talk I will tell him the problem is not the cities nor states he visits but him. Him and his misguided ideology about how the world works. He can move to countless cities and fly threw countless jobs but the common denominator is him. Mister I don't give a crap is starting to give a crap. Hooray! However, the problem is mister I don't give a crap has burnt all his bridges in said area. Now, mister I don't give a crap has to go out further to find more work. Now that mister I don't give a crap is giving a crap he's starting to want different things. He wants what he gave up before and those options are no longer available to him. So why engage in a conversation with an irrational man who will undoubtedly make it seem like he just wants to work and earn a living?

Ah yeah

He is very hard working but that mouth, that attitude is not gonna get him anywhere but where he's been. The problem is him all day long. Yes his employers lie to him but that is to be expected from employers. Who trusts their boss 100 percent? No you can't have off to take your dog to the vet. Companies won't even let you off to take your human child to the doctor let alone an animal. He will have to do it on his off days or after hours.

Unrealistic expectations of life

[Coldfish]

An update... .

I text him " just to let you know, I miss you."

Now mind you we haven't been really hanging out cause of this whole job situation.

He text me back, " I responded. You can spend time with him on Tuesday if you want to."  (He's referring to his dog)

I text him back, " you totally missed what I was saying. I said I miss you."

He text back," I seen it. I am very numb on relationship."

So I text him," I know. You don't have to say anything else. I know. I just want you to know I love you."

He gave me thumbs up.

He has ptsd as well and I suppose this is where the numbness comes from. He uses his dog as a shield. When he came back from his trip he hugged the dog and embraced the dog. He just walked right past me. He will pull the dog between us sometimes and tell the dog how much he loves him and he misses him and he doesn't know what he would do without him. Meanwhile the woman, me , is looking at him like " really?"

I get it now.

I can tell he is thinking so I will give him his space. I know he loves me. Sometimes he can tell me over and over. Other times he won't say anything. I never press him. I just have to be me. I let him be him.

I am not gonna change or hide how I feel about things. He knows me. He has to try to meet me halfway. He has grown alot since I met him. He probably doesn't see it but I have.

[Coldfish]

One more update... .

He text me to come over and grab a movie.

I am on my way to see him.

Maybe now we can talk.

[itsmeSnap]

He text me to come over and grab a movie.

I am on my way to see him.

Maybe now we can talk.

Hey Coldfish

I saw your other post about giving him space, its quite "interesting" the dynamic you and him are having. good to hear things can resolve even if it gets volatile at times.

How are you holding up?

[Coldfish]

I am doing well, thanks for asking. I did wind up going over there last night and then he tells me he's changed his mind. Says it doesn't make sense.

Whenever he tells me anything that makes me pause I won't say anything to him about it. It Seems to make him think on his own and figure it out for himself. I have learned from the first time that the more you tell him not to do something the more he will want to do it. He cancelled his move this morning with his apartment complex first thing this morning.

I really do love him but I don't let this stuff get to me. I don't baby him, nor walk on eggshells nor give him a pep talk. He is the man he is and I am the woman I am. He makes his own choices and so do I.

The biggest thing I have learned is that he responds to action. Me being there, me telling him him how I feel, me showing him I love him in actions ect. I encourage  him to reason things out for himself. He will get nowhere in life with me telling him and holding hands, besides who wants a partner like that anyways.
When he can reason through things on his own he can come to the best conclusion. It makes him think more on the subject versus some rash fly by night decision. What seems to trigger this is when I get quiet and won't give him feedback initially. He gets upset for a moment but he starts thinking, thinking, thinking.

[itsmeSnap]

Sounds like a good approach.

Its good to know that he can look at both sides of the issue, and that you can too.

Are you on counseling/therapy yourself? I'm not qualified in any way, I just notice the dog interaction proxy and see that he uses him as both a way to address you (telling the dog "I missed you" when he knows you're in the room) as well as you to him ("you can still hang out with the dog if you want to").

He probably feels its safer that way, just like knowing you are around even if you don't interact so frequently (you mentioned you leave his apt before he comes home)

Again, just an observation. Maybe there's a way to integrate each to their own role: have the pet be a pet, let people interact with people. I see you're taking that path when you let him know you miss him, not just the dog.

Hopefully things stay positive for you. Keep us posted!