Constant lying and possible cheating - being pushed to the edge

[Depression = 72% of members]

First time posting  

Some context: I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend (low functioning BPD) for over a year now and I've just recently moved a new city an hour flight away for a new job.

Starting point for this relationship wasn't good and everything that I've been dealing with now is making me think it shouldn't even be a relationship. When I met her she was still in a relationship but I then found out she had cheated on her BF at the time and gotten pregnant. I held her hand through that whole ordeal. After some time she started a relationship with me, telling me her boyfriend didn't matter anymore and she was ending it. It then didn't end for 3 months.
We've now been officially in a relationship but for some reason the men from her past keep coming back into her life and she keeps talking to them. Especially the one who got her pregnant, she keeps texting him despite telling me multiple times that she didn't talk to him anymore. But it then turned out that she was and that she had just been lying to me. This has been the case with a few of her exes and I'm now starting to get really tired of her lying to me all the time. It's just happened again on the last weekend I went to see her.

She's told me that she never cheated on me but at the same time she explains to me how she wouldn't be able to be in a monogamous relationship and how it's really challenging for her. I'm in a different city so I can't even say for certain whether she's been cheating on me or not but I feel like she is. And her repeated behavior of talking to a bunch of these exes makes me feel like she is.

I'm having trouble believing what she says anymore. It's now come up again and again and I feel I'm constantly being lied to and it's just so tiring. Looking back at how this started I feel like it just shouldn't have started in the first place. I've stood by her side through so much and since she's a low-functioning BPD I just do so many things for her and I feel like nothing of it gets recognized. Instead what I get in return is a lot of lies.

[mayorcesar]

First time posting  

Some context: I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend (low functioning BPD) for over a year now and I've just recently moved a new city an hour flight away for a new job.

Starting point for this relationship wasn't good and everything that I've been dealing with now is making me think it shouldn't even be a relationship. When I met her she was still in a relationship but I then found out she had cheated on her BF at the time and gotten pregnant. I held her hand through that whole ordeal. After some time she started a relationship with me, telling me her boyfriend didn't matter anymore and she was ending it. It then didn't end for 3 months.
We've now been officially in a relationship but for some reason the men from her past keep coming back into her life and she keeps talking to them. Especially the one who got her pregnant, she keeps texting him despite telling me multiple times that she didn't talk to him anymore. But it then turned out that she was and that she had just been lying to me. This has been the case with a few of her exes and I'm now starting to get really tired of her lying to me all the time. It's just happened again on the last weekend I went to see her.

She's told me that she never cheated on me but at the same time she explains to me how she wouldn't be able to be in a monogamous relationship and how it's really challenging for her. I'm in a different city so I can't even say for certain whether she's been cheating on me or not but I feel like she is. And her repeated behavior of talking to a bunch of these exes makes me feel like she is.

I'm having trouble believing what she says anymore. It's now come up again and again and I feel I'm constantly being lied to and it's just so tiring. Looking back at how this started I feel like it just shouldn't have started in the first place. I've stood by her side through so much and since she's a low-functioning BPD I just do so many things for her and I feel like nothing of it gets recognized. Instead what I get in return is a lot of lies.

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[Purplex]

Hi mayorcesar and welcome to the family!

It's understandable that you have a hard time trusting your girlfriend when she keeps lying about who she is in contact with and you already experienced her cheating on somebody else. Especially with the long distance situation and after all the support you offered this insecurity must be so hard to bear.

I  have some questions for clarification if you don't mind.

What happened with her pregnancy? Did she have the child?

Is your relocation temporary or for the long term?
 

she explains to me how she wouldn't be able to be in a monogamous relationship and how it's really challenging for her.

This is something my BPD boyfriend is struggeling with as well. There are people who decide that monogamy isn't for them and that they would rather live in an open relationship. In the end this is a question of compatibility and relationship goals. If both partners have different views on that, it's nearly impossible to compromise without one person beeing uncomfortable and having to put back their needs.
With BPD it's possible that there are other underlying reasons for this behavior, maybe a need for validation or to keep people close. But i feel those issues are equally hard to resolve and require a lot of honest communication and introspection.

Did you talk to your girlfriend about why she feels the need to cheat?

Does she lie to you about other things as well?