All my eggs in the RTC basket

[Parents! Get help here!]

Yesterday was the first visiting day to see dd17. She’s only been there a week and seems fixated on her ability to sign herself out at the end of March when she turns 18. I doubt we’ll have coverage that long but the fact that is what she’s focusing on is disturbing. I can’t help but feel she sees others with what she sees as bigger issues than her own and doesn’t see the reason to work on herself. I have prayed for her to finally get into rtc after multiple suicide threats and attempts, she has destroyed every friendship and relationship she’s had and can’t keep a job because anyone that tries to give her direction is “mean”. I’m so scared that she’s going to come out of rtc after 6 or so weeks the same way she went in.

Looking for a little reassurance or idea what to actually expect. What should I be doing on my end to make sure she isn’t just using this time to blow off steam of how she’s been wronged in so many ways?

[Mjobpd]

Yesterday was the first visiting day to see dd17. She’s only been there a week and seems fixated on her ability to sign herself out at the end of March when she turns 18. I doubt we’ll have coverage that long but the fact that is what she’s focusing on is disturbing. I can’t help but feel she sees others with what she sees as bigger issues than her own and doesn’t see the reason to work on herself. I have prayed for her to finally get into rtc after multiple suicide threats and attempts, she has destroyed every friendship and relationship she’s had and can’t keep a job because anyone that tries to give her direction is “mean”. I’m so scared that she’s going to come out of rtc after 6 or so weeks the same way she went in.

Looking for a little reassurance or idea what to actually expect. What should I be doing on my end to make sure she isn’t just using this time to blow off steam of how she’s been wronged in so many ways?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi MjoBPD

I'm glad you've seen your DD and I can understand you are scared, you've done everything to keep your DD safe, she's in intense psychological pain. How did the family meeting via Skype go with her team? Have they explained their approach to you? 

What should I be doing on my end to make sure she isn’t just using this time to blow off steam of how she’s been wronged in so many ways?

I don't have an answer for you. What helped me was working on my skills with my DD when she was very ill to reach out to her, just knowing I was doing my best at the time, like you are MjoBPD   I've no experience of RTC, nor was I involved in her treatment as she's an adult, she made attempts, SH, SI. I really feel for you and I'm here rooting for you and your DD along with other parents.

WDx

[Mjobpd]

WDx thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I start my Family to Family classes this week and I’m looking forward to that to work on my skills. I listened to GET ME OUT OF HERE on the drive home from seeing her. I have just gotten to the part where she learns she’s BPD. Boy was that a difficult book to listen to. I’m looking forward to things looking up for her.

[wendydarling]

MjoBPD you are most welcome, you are not on your own. Interestingly I'm on my second round of Get Me Out of Here, this last week, no spoilers. Some may find it weird I read BPD books in bed, it gives me comfort, confidence, I sleep.

What I've wanted to ask you is, did your DD learn any skills ~ bit of self soothing, did you see a snitch of progress with 12 months DBT? I know it's not for all, just like meds - we have to find our way.

May you find comfort with your classes this week, glad they are happening right now for you. Let us know how you go.

WDx

[Mjobpd]

She didn’t really participate in the way she should have been in the DBT. In the end it became just talk therapy. I think the skills group at rtc will be very beneficial.

I got her unnecessary classes cut a she only needs 2 online classes to graduate which is doable and a huge relief.

[wendydarling]

I understand   DBT skills group was key for my DD, it is a personal training, group share (not therapy). They have engaging leaders that help them through. Tip, I waited for my DD to share how it was for her, it took some time. So I sat on it, on the stool.

Well done for balancing, sorting the classes too, they can only do so much, for me it was important to recognise like you have.

For me wellness came first, No1 because DD chose that at 26.

WDx