Is she having a breakdown?

[Sandb2015]

 

My love decided to reach out to my ex I have a child with, haven't seen my child in a long time and don't want anything to do with my ex, but my love has the obsession with her that has been the problem for her dysregulations.

She cc'd me two very threatening emails sent to my ex regarding she better not try controlling me and she better show up in court, me and my child's mother agreed to terminate child support and I went to court and she will be served for 3/5.  This was agreed through email and I had to initiate in family court here in NY, yuck memories... .

Anyway after I saw these emails, I was a little shocked and at the same time, I felt my love was sticking up for me,  I texted thank you for each email.

I saw my love on 2/5 after work pop up and it was disaster, she just went on about other women and had quite an episode.  The next morning a "happy birthday" text and that was it.  I sent a text every day, simple, have a great day, very simple.

Out of nowhere these emails to my child's mother which I only email about court and our deal.

I get a text last night few hours later... .


 

Please stop showing up and contact me or anything.
And do not forward stuff also.
I am done.
Like I said I did it today for myself to disturb her. (the emails)

If you show up again, I will call police and put a restraining order on you.
Don’t make me do that.
I broke up with you not to be tortured by all the nonsenses.
You shouldn’t remind me of all these still by showing up and contacting me.
Good bye S.

What the heck... .is she having a breakdown, I've seen some weird psychotic breaks here and there, this is far out.

Needless to say, I won't be popping up and I've gotten some mixed reactions by doing so, this is far out.

Help, ask, dig, analyze, chime in... .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Sandb2015]

one email... .the first

You told him that you were going to sign the child support termination paper as soon as he got it.
Sign the paper on 3/5 otherwise I am going to drive to your husband’s studio and tell him what you have been doing behind his back by texting and calling S over the past 3 years.
And also how you got pregnant and how you put S in jail and still couldn’t let him go emotionally even after you moved in Long Island.
This is the last warning.
 
The second email... .

One more thing you gotta know.
R is losing his own father from his life because of you.
If you didn’t bother S for the last 3 -4 years like that, he wouldn’t have decided this.
You are such a terrible mother that you couldn’t do more to take them apart.
It’s was funny to read the text messages you wrote before that you feel sad and broken hearted to see R and S missing each other ?
So funny and you made S swear NEVER to see him again.
When R turns 18 years old, I will make sure for him to read the email you wrote to S so he will know it’s you who made him lose his own father.
And you will pay the price for that.
Also you better throw all the things S bought for you because when I meet your husband, I am going to tell him almost all the clothes and shoes and jackets are bought by S and you are still wearing them in front of him.
I will tell him how you made S spend money on you and why you came to America.
You were crazy about S that you abandoned life in K(country) and come to America to live with him.
You tried committing suicide when you found out that S was talking to the C(nationality) woman.
I don’t think your husband knows all this.
So stop playing games and telling him what to do any way you wanted.
You told him that you are going to sign the paper the very day. So do it.
Easy peasy. !

[Sandb2015]

I’ve seen her scream to the point of pain or attempting to get physical with me, she is a martial arts instructor and I’m a passive guy, large and old school tough that’s very reserved and would never lay a hand or even defend myself. There were times that she smacked a cigarette out of my mouth and the same with the beer in my hand in a sloppy way designed to “touch” me also. It was during a personal time out to look at the hundreds of hours of turning an abused backyard into a lily, hydrangea and honeysuckle and various other beautiful garden.  Everything was dead when I moved in, it was all neglected and between rhododendrons and cherry trees I planted and turned the brown grass to something trump would have nodded to, I should have understood something.

Anyway, yesterday was more disturbing to me than anything, and outside of her usual spikes.

I feel guilty saying this, I hope she does have a real break down in order to let the cat out of the bag, be exposed and get some help just for her and her son.

[Red5]

I feel guilty saying this, I hope she does have a real break down in order to let the cat out of the bag, be exposed and get some help just for her and her son.

... .sometimes, something must be completely destroyed before it can ever hope to be restored, rebuilt.

I have also noted somewhat of ‘breakdown’ type behaviors from my own uBPDw (separated).

She wanted to do our taxes, so I agreed to let her, it was the stuff of KGB packets dropped off in the park under a bench... .

She requested the ‘documents’ be put into a water proof package, within another package and left in our mailbox... .for pickup by her at a certain time for day that she knew I’d be away from the house at work... .

Later she calls me (we are basically NC), so a general phone call is strange... .and starts to have a relatively ‘normal conversation’ about the taxes and filing... .then she says... .maybe we should just go ahead and divorce so that your tax situation could improve ?

As we live in North Carolina... .that would be a year from now... .

I didn’t take the bait... .

Then she does a 180’ and says she doesn’t want to ‘deal with it’... .and asks me where I am, I’m at the Lowe’s in Cape Carteret... .so she says to wait to come back home and she will return the package to our mailbox... .this all happened yesterday... .weird?

She also asked me while on the phone if I’d finished the wainscot and painting that I’d promised around the house... .

Wanted to also know if I’d taken the cats to their vet appointment... .and if I’m giving the dog his meds... .on time... .

And then she started to tell me how she wanted the wainscot painted... .

Again it’s weird... .I’ve not layed eyes upon her since November the 30th... .

She’s renting a house about nine miles away, fifteen minutes away from this place... .she signed a year lease... .so why does she care what I do here, this is strange behaviors to me.

Hang tough Sandb2015,

Red5

[Sandb2015]

I got to the therapist office early just hanging listening to show tunes—- soothing for now, no anxiety.


My love FaceTimed me this morning and the she started crying a little—rare. She said she thought I moved on and confessed my love, she had mail for me and between a doctors appointment very close to where she lives and my t appointment she doesn’t know of, she asked me to stop by. I get there expecting the worst, cold, mean, indifferent.

I put my arms out, she comes, we kiss, straight to the bedroom, fooled around, had to go to the doctor, sitting with the same old silence, this happened before and we didn’t say a word. I feel the need to break it and I tell her that we are both afraid to break the uncomfortable silence, she starts sobbing and so do I and I am just seeing her for who she is.

I had to leave and she says she wants me to move on, she doesn’t want to know I’m available to her, she wants me to be happy and she wants to feel the regret later, she said she met someone and I said we both know what will happen and she acknowledged it.

I told her she’s the one, and I am strong, someday we will be together in a healthy way, I’m not expecting much.

I told her it’s time to confront things and time is going to move quickly. It doesn’t bother me that she met someone, I will ruminate about her having sex, but it doesn’t bother me so much because I know what will happen with that and so does she,  I have my hope.

Why do I feel empowered right now, is it because I didn’t get caught up that she met someone, feeling/seeing  her sob and get physically weak, exposing herself in a way never saw? Her struggle with us really showing she’s not a monster sometimes with some mental issue?

Did I see a reinforcement of hope for us, myself?

[Sandb2015]

I asked if I could stop back after the doctor just to talk, she said no, ok, not pushing anymore, that was causing me more stress pushing some agenda and just popping up and all that.

After therapy, ate alone ( hate it, gotta get over it, F it).  Me my food and my phone as company.

My love calls, I cringe thinking she is going to tell me all about the regrets of calling me earlier and how she is cutting me off blah blah blah, nope, she asked me if I still want to talk.

DISCOVERY!

I knew I just wanted to see her more after the doctor appointment which was a mistake, the moment we were having was lost, it wouldn’t have been fluid. Now she’s making herself available to talk hours later, definitely not fluid and that particular moment was gone. My response, “I sorry I think I pushed us to talk more earlier”. Her response, it’s okay if you want to talk, I said again I shouldn’t have pushed, she said another time and we started talking about nonessential things for 30 minutes like friends, like we used to... .



Where is the light bulb emoji when you need it?

Today was good, tomorrow, who knows... .

[Red5]

Can you share how it went with T, .how do you feel now?

I can concur with talking to the separated wife... .kinda turns your gut... .I want to tell her to get your @ss back home now!

But she is on her own journey now.

I always wonder if she is feeling anything like I am... .

And then there is my son, whom she hit, that’s the reason she left.

... .torn and confused.

I know I need to stick to this... .she can’t ‘just come back’, she needs help... .therapy... .or it’s not ever going to work... .

Hang in there Sandb2015.

Red5

[Sandb2015]

Hey Red5,

Just discovery stuff, spend too much time talking about my rs and the crazy dynamic. I was explaining or trying to explain what I’m feeling and I how this rs brought all the things out that I’ve hidden well until now. She said I’m definitely filled with compassion.  She said that a rs with a pwBPD can make you feel like your own sanity is in question, it is. She said that I’m filled with compassion. Yeah, that and a shovel gets me a hole.

The t understands the trauma of being me right now combined with past trauma.

I think I made a mistake binge watching DeMars on YouTube last night, scary presentation, it’s left a mark.

I’ve been staying away from the more raw stuff, I’m afraid some outside factor will have an influence on my perceptions.

[Red5]

Just discovery stuff, spend too much time talking about my rs and the crazy dynamic. I was explaining or trying to explain what I’m feeling and I how this rs brought all the things out that I’ve hidden well until now. She said I’m definitely filled with compassion.  She said that a rs with a pwBPD can make you feel like your own sanity is in question, it is.

She said that I’m filled with compassion.

Yeah, that and a shovel gets me a hole.

*I think I made a mistake binge watching DeMars on YouTube last night, scary presentation, it’s left a mark.

*I’ve been staying away from the more raw stuff, I’m afraid some outside factor will have an influence on my perceptions.

I hear you, I remember my first visit with this current /C/ (counselor)… I "unloaded"… and then I ask him, so Major Tom, what do you think, do you think my u"BPD"w is a borderline?

… he responds… "not a doubt in my mind Red",

-wow-

Yeah, that and a shovel gets me a hole.

… Man, I've moved on from shovels, I am using excavators and explosives now 'smh'… that said, I've really explored the deepest depths of the internet, and YouTube… I've consumed some pretty bad stuff, looking for answers about borderline personality disorder, et all'... .what they would call here, as "junk psychology"… so be careful my friend, some of that stuff it bad medicine, it will turn your heart dark, and hard.

I find myself looking back, and noting each and every time, I could have effected things in a positive way, instead of a negative way… should have turned that way instead of this way… you know what I mean,

I made the comment to my /C/ last week, after he asked me, he said… "Red why would you want to go back to that", speaking of my professed desire to reconcile with her one day if at all possible… I responded,"Major Tom, I think that I could handle it now, new tools, new knowledge, and empathy in place of apathy, compassion in the place of contempt"… he said back to me, "sounds like you have you mind made up Red"…

One day at a time… "steady as she goes"…

Maybe this newest development, of her talking to our pastor, maybe she will accept his offer of pastoral marital counseling… its on her now, I cant make her do anything, but she did speak to him in regards to his offer… that was last Wednesday… he did share that she said, "I don't want to lose this marriage"… we shall see.

Red5

[Sandb2015]

Red5,

“She doesn’t want to lose the marriage”.

We the nons put so much hope in something so positive.


Good!


Scott

[Red5]

Red5,

“She doesn’t want to lose the marriage”.

We the nons put so much hope in something so positive.

Good!

Scott

... .“mustard seed”,

I am a spiritual believer... .I don’t like the word “religion”, much prefer “faith”... .

Yeah, what she said, .in the midst of everything else she’s said to me... .I cling to that... .it’s about a week old now, this ‘seed’... .maybe... .if I take good care of it, this seed, proper care, and nurture... .it may very well blossom into a fruitful tree again... .

I’ll go ahead and throw down some ‘Jesus’ now : )

Matthew 13:31-32 New International Version (NIV)

The Parables of the Mustard Seed... .
31) He told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. 32) Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.”

I filled up all the bird feeders in the back yard this evening... .she liked that... .

Red5

[Sandb2015]

Red5,

Motivation could come from anywhere, anytime.

Would a lesser man lose hope under similar circumstances ? We know that’s not you.

Can we let something we hear motivate us to remain faithful that acts as the little bit off gas we need to feel reinforcements about feeling good causing a formidable cycle of hope? Yes, I think so.

A positive reinforcement is just that, nothing unrealistic there .

[Red5]

Red5,

Motivation could come from anywhere, anytime.

Would a lesser man lose hope under similar circumstances ? We know that’s not you.

Can we let something we hear motivate us to remain faithful that acts as the little bit off gas we need to feel reinforcements about feeling good causing a formidable cycle of hope? Yes, I think so.

A positive reinforcement is just that, nothing unrealistic there .

To quote Chesty Puller... .General, US Marine Corps,

“Alright, they’re on our left, they’re on the right, they’re in front of us, they’re behind us… they can’t get away this time.”

... .from one humble serving Marine to another ; )

“It could be worse, check you’re gear, and darken your (rifle) sights, I’m right here beside you Brother !

Red5

[Sandb2015]

I'm having a rough day and I'm responsible.

She called me last night and we had a great conversation that brought my spirits up.  I took it for what it was and then I texted good morning, hope you have a great day, no response... .what the hell was I thinking to receive a response... .?  Ruminate, ruminate... .

My GP won't give me a mild tranquilizer, even after I broke down and told her.

My therapist referred me to some one I can't see until April.

Just tough, I'm thinking about tomorrow... .falling apart at work.

[Sandb2015]

I'm thinking about her having one, seems I have mini breakdowns every day.  Not seems, I do.