Hi
Bluedog and welcome to the site! I am glad you found us though sorry for the need.
I struggle to set boundaries with my BPD parent, even struggling to tell this parent how I feel (emotionally), so as to avoid an angry defensive response.
A lot of us try to avoid dysregulations by not saying things, avoiding certain topics, etc. I generally do not favor avoidance most of the time but when it comes to sharing feelings, I was always hesitant to share because they were later used against me. Do you experience any of that? What does help when I am talking with people now is to use I statements and focus on my feelings about the behaviors or events. When I tried that with my disordered mom, she used it as proof that all I cared about was myself <sighs> So what does a conversation with your mom look and sound like?
How do I lovingly say I need to be further away for work and independence? Any suggestions?
Well, my first response is to say that you don't need to explain anything. Just make the choices that are right for you and then tell them "I am moving to____ and working ____ ". My second response is to ask you questions. When will you finish school? Do you ever have success with boundaries with your mom? What do they look and sound like? Can you give us an example?
Sorry to hit you with so many questions. It is hard to help you work things out without some details. Boundaries can be a bit tricky to understand how best to use them. We also have other communication tools and strategies that can help quite a bit. Learning all of this takes time and practice so lets see what we can come up with okay?
