Need help opening communication back up

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello all, I’m new here. I’m also new to the world and study of BPD. I have a sister whom I strongly believe suffers from this illness. Our relationship has always been a struggle and lately it’s gotten to the point that for my own mental (and physical) health I’ve had to block communication from her completely. I go to therapy regularly and my therapist recently suggested that I educate myself on the topic of BPD  bc she strongly believed, based on our conversations, that this was likely the culprit for my sisters erratic and seemingly manipulative behavior. So, here I am. I’ve read I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me and am now reading, Stop Walking on Eggshells. I’m beginning to understand why my sister acts the way she does, and the truth is no matter how cruel her words have been, I’ll always love her and Im starting to feel a lot better being able to finally make sense of the chaos. I’m also realizing now that she likely feels abandoned by me and tho I don’t blame myself for this, I do feel more compassionate and less reactive towards her hateful accusations.  I’d like to open communication back up with her as she is my only sister and I don’t want this divide to go forever, but I don’t know where to start. Our last conversation she basically told me to go f*** myself and to have a nice life without her...right after she told me she loved me and would always care about me. I’ve had her blocked for a couple months now. How do I start to try to mend this?

[Stargazer41418]

Hello all, I’m new here. I’m also new to the world and study of BPD. I have a sister whom I strongly believe suffers from this illness. Our relationship has always been a struggle and lately it’s gotten to the point that for my own mental (and physical) health I’ve had to block communication from her completely. I go to therapy regularly and my therapist recently suggested that I educate myself on the topic of BPD  bc she strongly believed, based on our conversations, that this was likely the culprit for my sisters erratic and seemingly manipulative behavior. So, here I am. I’ve read I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me and am now reading, Stop Walking on Eggshells. I’m beginning to understand why my sister acts the way she does, and the truth is no matter how cruel her words have been, I’ll always love her and Im starting to feel a lot better being able to finally make sense of the chaos. I’m also realizing now that she likely feels abandoned by me and tho I don’t blame myself for this, I do feel more compassionate and less reactive towards her hateful accusations.  I’d like to open communication back up with her as she is my only sister and I don’t want this divide to go forever, but I don’t know where to start. Our last conversation she basically told me to go f*** myself and to have a nice life without her...right after she told me she loved me and would always care about me. I’ve had her blocked for a couple months now. How do I start to try to mend this?

[Harri]

Hi Stargazer and welcome!  We can help you as you navigate your way to a different relationship with your sister.

Do you have an idea of what sort of relationship you want with her given her behaviors?  What are the behaviors you find the most challenging to deal with?  How long has it been since you last talked with her?

[Turkish]

Our last conversation she basically told me to go f*** myself and to have a nice life without her...right after she told me she loved me and would always care about me

What resulted in her telling you this? What was the trigger?