rydal
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1
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« on: April 10, 2019, 12:58:20 PM » |
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Hi guys. This is my first post here, I just found this site after starting to read the "Stop Walking On Eggshells..." book.
My partner is 30M, I am 29F. We have been together a little over 3 years, living together over 2.
The issues began our second Christmas together, he had been working full-time when we met at a call center and as we started to spend more time together, I could see just how bad his mental health was. He was starting to talk about wanting to kill himself, how he couldn't keep going and absolutely hated his job and wanted to find something else. So... I told him to quit. He did. We had just moved into a new apartment and now we were on one income... it was less than ideal. He spent all of his time sleeping and smoking weed. He would sleep until 3PM or later, stay up until 4AM, repeat.
A few months after this he sent me an email. He was a Submissive sexually (we both have interests in BDSM, his new interests were completely opposite of what our dynamic had been), wanted to wear diapers, and was into cross dressing. That was a bit of a shock and to be honest, our sex life has never really recovered. I am working on trying to be more of what he needs but it is hard. I have self esteem issues that I am trying to work on.
Maybe a month after that, after a very depressive few days, he informed me he had been talking to his parents and they were going to help move out of the apartment in a couple of days. I begged him to stay, to please let me try to make things better. He relented and stayed. I found out later he had never once mentioned anything to his parents, and he moved on like it had never even happened. It was as if he completely forgot about the entire thing.
In all, he spent over a year unemployed. Staying up late, sleeping all day, smoking weed, etc. I struggled to get him into therapy and on medications because I didn't have much money and he does not qualify for medicaid in our state. The only other option would be disability.
His parents helped pay for therapy but that was a disaster because the therapist he saw is the same one his Mom has seen for going on 15 years now. Eventually, he dropped out of that.
I took him to the local free clinic for medication. That didn't last. Eventually we found a site that does teledoc appointments, so he started medication that way.
He got another full-time job, again at a call center. It was really bad, he was very depressed. I also made sure to have him text me when he got to work, so I know he made it okay and also because I didn't fully trust him. This proved to be useful because one morning, he didn't text me. He wouldn't respond. I called him, he said he was on an interstate that was the complete opposite side of the city as his work. I tried to look up his location on Apple Maps but he had turned of location tracking. I called and called and he eventually picked up. He had driven to a nearby mall and was thinking of buying a rope, renting a hotel room, and killing himself. Eventually, I convinced him to come back home. He refused to go to the hospital. The next night, I finally got him to go. They kept him overnight for observation and just let him walk right out. I couldn't get them to understand that just because he isn't actively right this second trying to kill himself doesn't mean he's not still at risk! They didn't bother to look and see right through the fact he was acting like everything was fine just so he could get out.
Obviously he quit the full-time job he had, as there was no way he was going back. This all led to him joining another mental health clinic in our city, but they required he do group therapy, as well as individual DBT, to get access to the psychiatrist. Thankfully, the psychiatrist on staff is someone he had seem before at another facility.
I couldn't get him to go consistently because of the group therapy. He absolutely hated it. Every time he had to go it would be a fight of me trying to get him out of bed, him getting angry, him saying he didn't need it anymore, him saying he would go next week. There was always a reason, his stomach hurt, he had a headache, he was tired.
So... he quit going. He currently has maybe 1 more week of meds left. I guess we're going to book another online psychiatry appointment and hope they continue the meds he is on.
We just moved to a new apartment and a new suburb of our city, we are not even 2 minutes away from his brother's house now. We've been here 4 days and have done nothing but fight. He sleeps and sleeps and sleeps. He's working full-time again as a delivery driver, even though he was only supposed to ever be part-time but they basically bullied him into it. He didn't speak up to say anything. I've made dinner the last two nights and he couldn't even get up to eat with me... I don't know if it's normal for those BPD to sleep so much, and so heavily, but its absurd. We can have full conversations and he won't remember a damn thing.
I just feel like I'm going crazy. I'm sad. I'm frustrated. I mostly just feel like a failure. Like I'm failing him. I get too angry, or upset, or expect too much from him. I don't know how to make him happy, I don't know what to do. It feels like everything I do is wrong.
I didn't intended to write such a long post, but if even just one person reads it, that would be nice. I just need to know I'm not alone.
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