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[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi,

I recently started reading the book stop walking on eggshells. I am married and have been with my wife for almost 10 years. It started out as such a wonderful relationship both finding each other when we were lost and hurting. My wife has been diagnosed with BPD years ago and I was an alcoholic. The last 6 years or so have been very difficult. My wife always blames me for everything like her being sick, laying in bed, depressed, that its my fault that she has had numerous affairs, left me for other men etc. I have always stood by her no matter what and supported her through not only our good times but our bad times as well. I have never left her and I dont ever recall making her ever think I would not be there for her or abandon her. I know through some of my actions it might seem like I was going to and didn't put her first but I never have told her I wouldn't be there for her. We separated 2 years ago and some how God brought us back together. But back in January we separated again. For the first month we talked all the time about getting better, and how we can improve our relationship by spending some time apart. I really felt hope, we started serving at church together, talking for hours at dinner and really enjoying our time. About a month into it I asked about coming back to the house, said she needed to think about it and we came up with a plan, then a day or so before coming back she blew up on me. Said how dare you think you can come back, told me she wants a divorce and is miserable and she tries to tell me Im miserable in the relationship as well. Fast forward to now I still have not moved back home, she doesn't even communicate with me. I try to call her, she says just text. Most of the time she doesn't even text back. I send her prayers every morning and every night, she keeps them but never even responds to me. She changed the locks on the door, had a man at our house with our kids, when I went over there and she yelled at me that how dare I come there, how dare I spy on her, and that she is doing nothing wrong and its all my fault. I pay for the house, all my stuff is in there, which is not the point but just dont understand how 2 people that I thought love each other so much, wont even talk to me at all. Its like I am dead to her  and she wants nothing to do with me. She wont let me even talk to the kids. I keep assuring her that I will not give up on her, abandon her but it just seems like she pushes me away even further. I guess Im just confused and dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to walk away from the relationship but she pushes me away so much and keeps telling me she doesn't want to be with me. I do love her very much and just wish we could try to communicate about anything. Thank yall for letting me get this out and any advice or input would be appreciated.

[jnmz03]

Hi,

I recently started reading the book stop walking on eggshells. I am married and have been with my wife for almost 10 years. It started out as such a wonderful relationship both finding each other when we were lost and hurting. My wife has been diagnosed with BPD years ago and I was an alcoholic. The last 6 years or so have been very difficult. My wife always blames me for everything like her being sick, laying in bed, depressed, that its my fault that she has had numerous affairs, left me for other men etc. I have always stood by her no matter what and supported her through not only our good times but our bad times as well. I have never left her and I dont ever recall making her ever think I would not be there for her or abandon her. I know through some of my actions it might seem like I was going to and didn't put her first but I never have told her I wouldn't be there for her. We separated 2 years ago and some how God brought us back together. But back in January we separated again. For the first month we talked all the time about getting better, and how we can improve our relationship by spending some time apart. I really felt hope, we started serving at church together, talking for hours at dinner and really enjoying our time. About a month into it I asked about coming back to the house, said she needed to think about it and we came up with a plan, then a day or so before coming back she blew up on me. Said how dare you think you can come back, told me she wants a divorce and is miserable and she tries to tell me Im miserable in the relationship as well. Fast forward to now I still have not moved back home, she doesn't even communicate with me. I try to call her, she says just text. Most of the time she doesn't even text back. I send her prayers every morning and every night, she keeps them but never even responds to me. She changed the locks on the door, had a man at our house with our kids, when I went over there and she yelled at me that how dare I come there, how dare I spy on her, and that she is doing nothing wrong and its all my fault. I pay for the house, all my stuff is in there, which is not the point but just dont understand how 2 people that I thought love each other so much, wont even talk to me at all. Its like I am dead to her  and she wants nothing to do with me. She wont let me even talk to the kids. I keep assuring her that I will not give up on her, abandon her but it just seems like she pushes me away even further. I guess Im just confused and dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to walk away from the relationship but she pushes me away so much and keeps telling me she doesn't want to be with me. I do love her very much and just wish we could try to communicate about anything. Thank yall for letting me get this out and any advice or input would be appreciated.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi jnmz03, and

wow. youve really had a go of it over those ten years.

how long has it been that shes been shutting you out for, from her and the kids?

[jnmz03]

For over a month now, when she does communicate it will only be text, and very short to the point, besides that wont talk to me a bout anything. The few times she has seen me in person she said its to hard to see me and walks away.