Leaving my BPD girlfriend after 9 months

[bded]

Hi all

I have decided to leave my girlfriend after 9 months. It wasn't an easy decision to make but I feel it is the only option I have. The problem is that whenever I say something she doesn't like she becomes really emotional and hurts herself or threatens suicide and I get scared and take back whatever I said.

I tried to leave her a month ago and avoided contact with her for a week to avoid this trap. One day she tried to OD and I was the only one around to take her to the hospital. When we returned to her house she became really emotional and started trying to hurt herself again and I ended up agreeing to move back in with her so that she wouldn't do herself anymore harm.

I feel like leaving is the correct thing to do but i'm scared of what she will do if I leave. She doesn't want to to contact her family for support and she has few good friends that live nearby that can support her. I feel like I am the only one responsible for her.

I feel like the situation is hopeless and I don't know what to do.

I would be grateful for any advice or similar experiences.

Thanks!

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

I'm sorry for your situation, yet very glad that you found us. 

It's disturbing when we loose the ability to communicate and feel like we have to "take back" everything we have said, so someone else will be happy.

I'm concerned about the talk of suicide threats.  Can you tell me more about those? 

Do you guys live together?  Making a decision to leave  is difficult, yet we have helped many through that process.  Many times people learn new skills and their relationship improves.

Looking forward to your reply.

Best,

FF

[bded]

Thanks for your reply formflier.

She had a history of self harm and suicide attempts before I met her but it was only after I moved in with her, about 4 months ago, that it became a part of our relationship

When I left her a month ago she sent me a video of her consuming lots of pills and telling me she was going to kill herself and that it is all my fault. When I went to see her she was ok, apparently she had thrown up all of the pills.

Another time she was waiting for me outside my office with a blade against her wrist telling me that if I don't move back in with her she will kill herself there and then.

She would also post messages on a BPD group on facebook asking for advice on how to kill herself and I received a couple of messages from one of her friends who was concerned because my girlfriend had told her she was planning to kill herself.

I would also received regular messages from her saying that she can't go on and she wants to kill herself and that it's all my fault.

This all happened in the 10 day period after I left her and ended when she tried to OD again and I took her to the hospital. She became so emotional when we returned from the hospital that I physically had to restrain her to stop her hurting herself and I thought I can't restrain her forever so agreed to move back in with her and she calmed down.

Since then there has been near constant conflict. Even the smallest things seem to blow up into a big argument. She complains when i'm miserable and she complains when i'm happy. Her behavior has become more erratic and more controlling. She complains of constant anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts and not being able to sleep.

I'm also struggling to control my emotions now. After one argument I shouted at her a lot and she tried to swallow a lot of pills again. I managed to stop her but she locked herself in the bathroom and I ended up breaking the bathroom door. Since then I have left the house whenever I feel my anger is building.