Is it common for BPDs to always think they are physically ill?

[Meld]

My 19 year old daughter was diagnosed with BPD, she’s been in/out of long term/short term/day programs etc for 3 years.

She is currently home and non productive, no job, no school, no self care.

Over the past 3 months she’s been continually complaining of physical symptoms, pain, vomiting, nausea, fatigue etc. she has gone to primary, ER, had many tests, hospitalized, scoped prodded and no real causes.

Is it common for people with BPD to also appear to have what I can only explain as Munchausen? This one is new territory for us. Thanks in advance!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hello Meld and

I don't know if it's common but my DD26 frequently complains of illness, aches, and pains, and I notice she often exaggerates her symptoms. I wondered about it too and sort of decided she may be doing it so that others will care for her, proving to herself that she's worthy of love and care. She's currently complaining of backache, no way to get comfortable.

I usually empathize but I don't fawn all over her as I used to do.

In my DD's case, I wouldn't classify her behavior as similar to Munchausen as she only sometimes seeks medical care.

How are you holding up? Do you have any support and are you practicing self-care? A strong support network is critical, as you are likely aware.

I look forward to getting to know you and I'm glad you found us

~ OH

[Meld]

Hi Only Human
Thank you for your insights. My daughters anxiety of her perceived illness is paralyzing her, almost similar to her early signs of mental illness. Feels like “the next thing”.

As I sit here she’s in the ER on night 2 for self reporting/calling 911 from ODing and self harm. She’s physically stable and awaiting psych evaluation and transfer. Repeat of so many nights we’ve had as a family. The biggest difference is this is the first time I’m not engaging. I typically sleep on hospital room floor, comfort her try to offer empathy. However this time I made a heart wrenching decision that I would call the nurse for updates but not visit or engage. I have no idea what my goal is other than not fueling the constant attention seeking drama.

I know I’m supposed to focus on self care however I tend to carry a lot on my shoulders and move it along. Like most moms right?  The longer we watch her struggle the sadder I am about what her current life and future look like. The more I am getting into an ignore it place. Ugggh that was a lot of word vomit. Apologies. Thanks again.

[livednlearned]

It might be a combination of two things: she feels more intensely things that others would not give a second thought to, and she has found an outlet that confirms her feelings she's a victim.

Have you read Having a BPD Daughter by Lobel? There are a lot of good books out there on loving someone with BPD. I appreciated the vision that Lobel has for the family, moving toward a cooperative family structure where you provide selective support to your loved one.

I think your choice to come home when she's hospitalized may help her realize that being sick becomes nothing special after a while.

My soon-to-be S18 (not BPD) has been hospitalized 3 times this past year. This past surgery he said, You should go home and get rest. I'm just going to sleep here anyway and there are nurses if I need something."

It was hard to leave, and I also felt it would confirm for him that I see him as an adult.

How are you holding up?

[Only Human]

I know I’m supposed to focus on self care however I tend to carry a lot on my shoulders and move it along. Like most moms right? 

Yes, many of us find ourselves in similar predicaments, Meld, you are definitely not alone.

For what it's worth, I say that making a decision to sleep in a bed rather than on the floor of a hospital is an act of self-care.

The longer we watch her struggle the sadder I am about what her current life and future look like.

Boy, can I relate to this statement! There is much grieving to be done over the loss of our hopes and dreams for our adult children, for the relationship we hoped to have, but don't.

The more I am getting into an ignore it place.

I think the key is to find a balance (easier said than done, I know!) - empathy without getting lost, tending to our own needs first and foremost. That's what we are all learning here, among other things, and I hope you'll stick around and become part of the family here. 

Ugggh that was a lot of word vomit. Apologies.

No apologies necessary, the text box holds 16k+ characters for a reason 

I'm running off now for my weekly "self-care date" with my BFF but I'm sure others will be along shortly to welcome you. Please tell us more as you feel comfortable. It helps to "talk."

~ OH

[Meld]

I’ll check that book out. I just started listening to “stop Walking on eggshells” yesterday.

I’m sorry if I was confusing, I didn’t mean I wasn’t sleeping over in ER I meant I havent gone at all. For 3 years it’s been my husband and I standing vigil in ER, attending all family sessions even long distance. The past year she’s been home she’s just existing.
During any crisis this year my husband has chosen to not engage while I’ve maintained the vigil approach. This is the first crisis that I’ve only spoken to ER nurse (who knows us of course). I haven’t seen or spoken to my daughter since she was admitted to ER and contemplating not visiting which ever psych hospital they send her to.

So “how am I doing” currently is not well. Feel like the worst mom, prob being judged by her ER team, what good mom doesn’t visit their child in the ER? AND (I learned DBT too!)  for some reason think this is appropriate at this time.

[Elizabeth22]

Hi Meld,

Sorry you are going thru this, it can be maddening.

My uBPDDil, would go to the ER literally every week, sometimes more than once. She would go in the evenings and ask us to watch the kids while my son took her. I guess that was a way to get the maximum amount of people involved and tending to her needs. It was almost never anything that could not wait til morning (she did 'accidentally' self harm a few times), until the Drs office was open, but what fun would that be. I dont know if she goes anymore because I made my thoughts known about this and refused to babysit anymore.

One local hospital has refused to continue seeing her.

She is always ill, always needs to be on the sofa or in bed,  barely cares for the one school aged child she has with my son, because she is just too sick, except for when she's not and she's doing something she wants to do.

E22 oxox

[PeaceMom]

Hi Meld,
I had to comment here bc my DD19 uBPD went to the ER 3 times last summer. I remember reading somewhere that folks w/BPD can be highly sensitive to pain. Something to do with their unregulated nerves. I’ve often described my DD as a grape with no skin on. 3 weeks ago she took herself to an EAr and was admitted. We did not go! I actually slept fairly well in my bed. When she called the next day mad/sad that we didn’t run to her, I let her know that we loved her and we “knew she was in the best place if she was so very ill” .
Tough stuff but sleeping on the ER floor is very unhealthy for a middle aged mom!

[SkellyII]

Over the past 3 months she’s been continually complaining of physical symptoms, pain, vomiting, nausea, fatigue etc. she has gone to primary, ER, had many tests, hospitalized, scoped prodded and no real causes.

Is it common for people with BPD to also appear to have what I can only explain as Munchausen? This one is new territory for us. Thanks in advance!

I haven't heard the word Munchausen in quite a while. My dd16 has had similar reported symptoms over the last few years, but like yours shows to be physically healthy.

Why that term caught my attention was that an ex-girlfriend a few years back, long before I had to get custody of my daughter from her udBPD mom, had suspected not only Munchausen, but also felt that my ex was also at least Bi-polar, if not something more serious.

An interesting concept.

[Lollypop]

Hi

My son is hypersensitive and highly strung. As a child he was constantly poorly with some strange ailments that included shingles and Bell’s palsy. I look back and can now see his immunity levels were poor. I believe his stress levels were high because when we moved to the countryside he physically transformed almost immediately.  I couldn’t see the bigger picture and dx came at 24.

Environment is really important to my son. He reacts strongly and when he’s dysregulated (he’s a quiet BPD so internalises) it can manifests into ailments. Sometimes they are real, sometimes not. When we are stressed we feel more pain.

Son is now 28. Armed with this understanding of how son “ticks” - if he tells me something’s wrong I look to his environment first. Very often he’s got a problem with a relationship or money.

At 19, his problems were low self worth and lack of a sense of self. Impetuous and dangerous behaviour. He’s had periods of depression.

At 19 my son was non productive, no job, no school, no self care. I can relate!

What’s your thoughts? 

LP

[ProfDaddy]

Yep, it is another way they can be a victim and you can rescue them.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

I think it is good you stayed home
 Your child was in no danger and you need to take care of yourself. It was a healthy choice and nothing to feel guilty about.